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Original poster

Did I really say that?...

241 replies

Flyinggeese21 · 06/05/2015 18:07

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 08/05/2015 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thelastflame · 08/05/2015 20:24

I've thanked the cashpoint more than once Blush

I used to work in travel and a customer was asking about Virgin flights but accidentally said 'vagina' instead.

Awks.

Original poster
Flyinggeese21 · 09/05/2015 08:18

Confused - at least some good came out if it then! :)

OP posts:
CornwallsFinest · 09/05/2015 08:34

I was at my friends house one day who is a lesbian and married (relevant). Her wife came home just as I was leaving and noticed I was wearing pop socks, you know, the socks that are made out of tights. So I turned around and said 'I know, I'm so gay'. Blush

They both laughed it off but I was mortified.

MissusThePoint · 09/05/2015 08:54

I kissed the vicar at my Grandad's funeral.

And nearly knocked him out with huge hat in the process.

I was in my very late teens and had never been to a funeral before. I thought that's what you did.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 10/05/2015 23:04

Mine is very recent.

A friend posted a photo of her son with a very short hair cut on FB, saying 'oops'. I posted a cheery 'Oh, don't worry, it'll grow back!' She replied 'I'm glad it will grow back.' I thought she was being a little sarcastic and said 'Obviously I know you know that but am trying to show sympathy!' No reply.

Later on I remembered that she has alopecia and wears a (very realistic) wig Blush

I keep remembering and internally cringing now.....

Totallyfidobono · 11/05/2015 01:21

Chatting to my new colleagues about music and mentioned that my boyfriend plays guitar. One asked if he played in a band and I said:" oh no, he prefers to play with himself".
Cue sniggering.

Doggygirl · 11/05/2015 09:57

Talking to genteel, elderly lady last week who told me her pet dog adores men. I said "Oh, she's a bit of a slag, is she?"

BlushBlushBlushConfused

spiderlight · 11/05/2015 10:06

My son's school runs an after-school PE club with a very cheesy name. One week I wasn't sure whether it was running because there were parent-teacher meetings or some such, so I emailed the very straight-laced school secretary to ask her. It was only after I'd clicked send that I realised the subject line of my email read 'Let's get physical tonight' Blush

MrsGrimes · 11/05/2015 10:23

I was 19 and training to be a manager at my work and way above my head and didn't have a clue what I was doing

We were sat round for the weekly manager's meeting and in walks my colleague and a woman from another site. Colleague introduces her as Jenny.

I then SING the words "Jenny from the block" and everyone looks at me like I'm a fucking idiot and I wonder why the hell that just came out my mouth. Blush

AdmiralCLingus · 11/05/2015 11:57

A couple of weeks ago our store manager (late 40's) was doing the close down of the store and asks "whos got the counter cache key?"
I pipe up with "dont worry, mommys got them!" (I am in my 20's) cue much sniggering and comments about how good I look for my age

not long after they introduced contactless payments at work, a male customer put his card in the machine and then notices the contactless thing and asks if he can pay that way. I answered with "oh yes sir, just whip it out" he grinned at me and replied "but we've only just met"

We've recently had our yearly review at work and our very young and attractive line manager said "i'm just taking x for her review and I'll do you next" to which I answered a very enthusiastic "Oh yes please!" cue much snorting from our colleagues!

brusselsproutwarning · 11/05/2015 16:35

Just remembered one, telling a newspaper story to my dh I said how the cock came out of the pilot..... Instead of the pilot came out of the cockpit..

ScarletFever · 11/05/2015 16:45

Please Miss (hand in the air) Smarties just made me cry....!!

i once told an IT operator on the phone that "my computers just gone down on me"

WhiffleSqueak · 11/05/2015 18:09

I have quite a fat cat who sits on the windowsill and scratches the glass when he wants in the house (no cat flap)

so he was doing this once and I duly got up to open the door and shouted, "get in here, fatty!" JUST as a (slightly larger) lady walked past.

she just made a weird "ooOo" sound and carried on.

hooker29 · 11/05/2015 18:56

'spud cunt'
I'm crying...... Grin

AlfieandAnnieRose · 12/05/2015 11:14

My mum in tesco the other day asked one of the male staff 'where do you keep your nuts?' I had to quickly hide round the corner! The man in question was quite young and looked slightly perplexed haha

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 12/05/2015 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 12/05/2015 17:28

Hi everyone - this thread is fantastic and full of hilarious stories we just don't want disappearing.

We'll be moving it over to Classics Smile

OnlyLovers · 12/05/2015 17:37

Yay!

Thanks HQ. And well done, OP.

Arkkorox · 12/05/2015 17:39

Yaaaaay!

TrulyTurtles · 12/05/2015 17:45

Oh this relies on a family saying. Back in the day if anyone's slip was showing we'd pipe up with "Charlies dead" Ok, staying with vair elderly widowed great aunt and her underskirt is hanging out the bottom of her dress....yes I did and yes her dH was called Charlie. Kill. Me. Now.
Once said to my stern boss who was off to a wedding "bye sweetie, don't get too pissed" not a scoobie why.

ByTheWishingWell · 12/05/2015 18:47

Not me, but DP:

We were clothes shopping, and I was getting a very lovely leather jacket. As we got to the front of the queue, DD woke up in her buggy, so I gave the jacket to DP, and edged away to rock DD. The cashier told DP how much it was. It was a lot tiny bit more than he was expecting, and he shot me a surprised look. I had my guilty face on, which the cashier noticed and laughed at. DP loudly called to me, "for that, I hope you'll be wearing it in bed, too!" ConfusedGrin

Everyone nearby laughed, while DP mumbled and blushed.

CorporationPop · 13/05/2015 02:51

First week into a new job....oh my good god.

I was still learning everyone's names, and there was a lady I worked with Poonam.

One day I called across the office for her, because she'd walked away and forgotten her folder.

Except I didn't say "Poonam," I said "Punani" instead, a.k.a the Ali G slang for fanny Blush

TrulyTurtles · 13/05/2015 06:59

Obviously having judgey pants on impedes my ability to stfu. Talking with a colleague yesterday and I made a JP comment about babies with pierced ears. He looked Angry and said but my baby has them. Awwwfuck.

RedLentil · 13/05/2015 07:42

The priest at my daughter's first communion a few weeks ago gave a truly weird sermon which involved dying children and limbless people dragging themselves to church through the African bush ...

He finished by talking about what an honour it is 'to have Jesus come into your mouth'.

I thought my youngest sister was going to have to hospitalised from the pain of restraining laughter.

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