Did I really say that?...

[Flyinggeese21]

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

Brokeandbad I don't understand your post.

gottalent - that phrase is used as another way to say a common swear word (that starts CU......)

Oh!

Fuck off you spud cunt hahahaha

This thread has had me in stitches.

Bit of background - I have tried online dating once or twice. For safety reasons I always have a trusted friend on standby, I text at regular intervals and I have codewords that let her know I am safe. (So nobody could just use my phone and send a fake text if they are murdering me in the woods type thing)

I have a date next week. Telling my mum about it on the phone and I say "and oh don't worry, we'll be meeting in a public place and I've got the safe words all set up" queue an intake of breath and deafening silence as I then try and babble through an explanation. Absolutely mortified

Mine still makes me die inside...

Round at a friend's house, all had a bit to drink. She was telling us about how when she was little she lived in an African country with her dad for a bit while he was out there for work. Some locals had shown her dad some traditional medicine, just for simple stuff like insect bites and minor ailments. Apparently it was stuff that sometimes worked but often didn't. All lighthearted, not said in a mean "oh those backwards locals" way at all. More in a way that folk ailments in any part of the world probably wouldn't work some of the time either.

Anyway. She then went on to tell us about an operation she'd had on her eyes as a child that hadn't worked that well because she still wears strong glasses. And then I piped up "Did you have it done in ?"

Cue awkward silence and everyone looking at me like I'm a dickhead. As I would've done if anyone else said it. I have no idea why I said it either. Idiot...

I have NEVER cried with laughter reading anything before, but fuck off then you spud cunt has left me with mascara all down my face. you spud cunt! I'm howling!

soon ago is inspired too.

We were at my mums and my much younger brother was playing with their puppy...

He was lovely and used to stand in my lap and put his paws on my shoulders and lay his face on my face... Like a hug.

My 13 year old brother said 'that's not fair! I wish he would come on my face!!'

I have soooooooo many.

I once told a vicar that I was delivering a workshop on safe fisting- then highlighted key tips on how to fist safely. Genuinely. I did not know he was a vicar, nor that his vicarage was home to my PIL. He did seem overly interesting in fisting, though.

Whoops.

I also said that I "felt like a prize twat" in a very important meeting once. I was new to the UK and thought it meant "twit". Nope!

Oh there are seriously so many.

Not me, but said to me:
I'd done some modelling and put some pics on FB. A lady came up to me in the gym and said 'Gosh is that you. Well I suppose even the top models look like nothing without all their make up and things'.
It was straight after a fitness class so I wasn't upset about it but she went puce.
She's a good friend of mine now and we laugh about her small talk skills.

Grumpasaur, what industry do you work in where you deliver workshops on fisting but can't say twat?

Where I grew up, twat and twit were interchangeable and of equal rudeness.

Place marking this thread!

umm I had to look up spit roast, genuinely had not heard that particular euphemism before!

Shameless place marking

Soon ago I can't stop laughing

had to look up spit oroast as well. ughh!!!
Surely people don't do that?