Did I really say that?...

[Flyinggeese21]

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

I'm temporarily teaching Latin at the moment and this morning I was trying to get them to think of sentences to translate. So I managed to ask a bunch of twelve-year-old boys 'so... What kind of things could you do to a girl?' There was much sniggering .

Alchemist, I'm crying LOL

And my own embarrassing moment (main one of many!)....working in a very busy jewellers, Xmas eve the shop is full with queue going out the door...a member of staff shouts that the card machine won't work properly...."just give it a good blow and ram it in hard" I call across the busy shop!! Queue deathly silence then hysterical laughter and snorting from everyone in the shop! I nearly died!

I went back to college to do a hairdressing course and my sister in law kept on taking the mock saying I was giving a "cut and blowjob" instead of "cut and blowdry". When doing one of my assessments, I asked the client if they would like a dry cut or a cut and blowjob. I have never been more embarrassed in my life.

I was new at my workplace and there were the usual staffroom celebrations for someone's 60th birthday.
Wanting to be polite I went up to Cass, and said 'happy 65th birthday '

Unfortunately it wasn't her birthday.. it was Cath's... Cass is 15 years younger..

A chef at the hotel where I was working was serving dessert at a wedding buffet. When asked what the unusual fruit in the fruit salad was, he answered 'syphilis' instead of physalis

Alchemist - that's the first time I've ever cried laughing at something on t'internet. Walked nicely.... waaaaahhh!

Last week took DD to pick up her bridesmaid dress for a friends wedding.

In the shop a girl was trying on a green chiffon type prom dress with big paste jewels on it.

As the girl swished around and then swished away to take the dress off, while her mum stayed sat in the shop where we were, DD said in an awe filled voice 'Mum, that dress was beautiful... It looked just like one from the big gypsy weddings'

(must add dd is 7, she does not watch this but I think she's seen enough ads covering it!!)

I'm crying all over my keyboard! I'm not sure whether snogging your boss full on the lips or giving them the finger is worse for career progression.

When I was fairly recently arrived in the UK and not quite up to speed on some of the local vernacular I was telling my co-workers about a cani-cross race I was planning to take part on over the weekend. You know, running cross-country with your dog. Except I was telling my colleagues all about the "cross-country dogging" I was planning to indulge in.

Slightly different but the thread about ignoring farts reminded me of the time we visited a new build development. The sales lady was walking across to the apartment with DP,me, a middle aged man and his mother. As we walked one of the party let out a loud fart. Everyone just acres like nothing had happened. I was biting my cheeks to stop the laughter and as soon and me and DP were alone we were howling. It wasn't me and he's adamant it wasn't him so my money is on the very straight laced looking old mother.

When my teenage daughter was about 5 she was helping me fill up the bird feeders whilst her daddy was putting together a new bird table. We had put the seeds into the feeders and she asked what went into the other feeders so i explained they were balls of fat. She turned to her dad and said "Have you got fat balls daddy?" Poor daddy was mortified whilst I was rolling around the floor crying laughing!

Dafad

Dd was also very young and she got a doctors kit as a Christmas present. We have family over for the day so she was playing doctor and going around to our visitors listening to heart etc. One of our in law family members brought her father along for the day, whom we had never met. Dd went up to him and got her sheet of paper out, put on her doctors glass and asked him "what is your name" to which he replied and she wrote it down on dr sheet. Next question: "are you gay?" . The man eyes went all wide, she misread the question from the kit which asked for 'age'

a couple from me

very important meeting with lots of professionals about our children, I said one needed a bit more wank! (I think I meant welly)

Yesterday talking about the elections and explaining my DH and I are swingers (I meant we hadn't decided yet)

I remember reading a post on here where someone had called their child a ' tiny wanker' instead of whiney tinker in a packed doctors waiting room. That had me laughing for weeks!

I am 6 foot tall and my boss is barely 5 foot. One day she was trying to reach something up high and asked for my help. When I got it quite easily she said that she wished she was taller to which I replied "well I've got a few inches you can have." I will never forget the look she gave me!

I called my colleague "mum" the other day. His name's Rob and he's 25.

Amberdiamond! So funny.

I've a pain in my side from laughing, these are so funny. I know I've said embarrassing things just can't remember, I think I must get so embarrassed I automatically block it out if my mind forever...pretend it never happened

I haven't got any. I must have either blocked them all out or I just know they're not going to be as good as 'fuck off then you spud cunt.'

as a very innocent 17 year old I went on a training day with 5 older male collegues, we stopped for lunch and the dessert was trifle with glace cherries on top. I didnt like them so left mine on my plate, one of my collegues noticed and commented I said "you can have my cherry if you want" cue a lot of laughter

Loving this, so very funny...
I own a men's hair salon, and a little while ago employed a lovely Polish girl, who shall remain nameless, you will understand why in a min, anyway she was good at her job and her English was ..passable .
One particularly busy Saturday, salon packed with men waiting for a trim,whilst washing a customers hair the darling girl took a huge sniff in, smiled sweetly and announced, very loudly "ooh, I love to smell cocks!"?? A deafening silence followed by possibly the longest ever laughter, screaming, and general man type slightly pervy, nudge nudge type stuff, it turned out the poor girl was trying to say the loved the smell of coconut (shampoo).
I think the guy left her a bloody big tip though

This Is such a brilliant thread I keep LOLing and can't explain why to DD(spud cunt!!)
My friend one said when using the phonetic alphabet ....7, B for Bertie, Y for wanky??
Another friends had a village newsletter warning her of the recent spate of burglaries in the area and to look out for breaking in through your back door. She forwarded the email to who she thought was her boyfriend. Unfortunately she sent it to a senior member of her office titled 'getting your back doors smashed in' ??????

Lovely to have an actually lol

Snorting at "little beaver"

I think we've all been there. I was quite young and doing a training session for 4 males (doctors) on their new computer software. We were talking about screens and I managed to come out with "personally I prefer 24 to 26 inches over the desk". Cue the room falling about laughing and my cheeks flaming for hours. What's worse is I still see one of them regularly as he's my GP!

My best friend was moving suddenly from my old neighborhood, we had moved a year before. I was devastated as she was moving far from us and I tried to think of the positives. I told her it would be 'nice to get out of that neighborhood as it was getting shabby'. They couldn't sell their house and ended up staying.