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Original poster

Did I really say that?...

241 replies

Flyinggeese21 · 06/05/2015 18:07

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyinggeese21 · 13/05/2015 16:12

RedLentil! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyinggeese21 · 13/05/2015 16:20

Just noticed this has gone onto Classics! Brilliant. May our absolute cringers be enjoyed for a long time!

OP posts:
PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 13/05/2015 17:39

Just now, in the garden, playing with a super soaker - DH shot me and then passed it to DS1, who is liable to drown me. I screamed 'Don't squirt me, DS1! Only Daddy squirts Mummy!' Blush

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 13/05/2015 19:25

I was 21 and working as a response driver in a uniformed service. It had been a busy shift and I grabbed a very quick meal in a corridor. Another call came in as I was eating a banana. Senior boss man shouted, "Come on, are you ready?" I replied, "I'm gobbling it as quickly as I can!" (obviously meaning the banana). Turned to find senior manager and rest of colleagues doubled up on floor with laughter. Their hilarity increased when they had to explain to the young innocent me exactly what gobbling was!!!....Mortified! I'm much more worldly wise now!

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 14/05/2015 21:39

Catching up with an old friend at a wedding (who had broken her back in a car accident the year before but recovered enough to walk down aisle as bridesmaid) She complimented me on mine and my baby DDs outfits, asking was it a coincidence that they were matching colours? My response 'Oh God no, I got hers ages ago then broke my back trying to find one for me that matched.............' Cue silence and embarrassed wine sipping before shuffling off to die in the corner!!!!!!

eleventybillion · 14/05/2015 21:55

spud cunt ha ha ha

Out for dinner with my lovely friends. Much wine was drunk. No idea why but when it came to pud I asked the gorgeous waiter for stiffy cocky pudding. They found it Grin. I found it Blush. The waiter was Shock.

Sisterelephant · 14/05/2015 22:06

After I'd finished a meeting, my colleague and I left the room, I was holding a few folders and my empty coffee cup, she went to hold the door for me but I managed to do it myself and said ' don't worry I've got it, its a one hand job' she just looked at me in horror Hmm, I was so embarrassed Blush

BagsyThisName · 14/05/2015 22:21

I was on a ferry waiting to get off with my bike. There was only one other cyclist, standing next to me with his bike, we chatted a bit. In between chatting i was humming.

Ferry docked and we cycled off. I was surprised to see he only had one leg, I hadn't noticed before.

And then I realised what I was humming.

Jake the Peg.

Arrrrrggghhh

nailslikeknives · 14/05/2015 22:22

I'm fucking place marking, spud cunters!!

PrudetheObscure · 14/05/2015 22:34

While teaching English to an adult I was explaining that emphasis can change the meaning of a sentence. The student was having a try with something like 'George can come to the cinema on Friday' but wasn't quite getting it right...

so I offered the (helpful?) feedback that she should 'Next time, try to swallow the come' Blush

Pedestriana · 14/05/2015 23:17

I used to work with a colleague who would deliberately say things that could be misconstrued. If we needed a catch-up meeting, he'd shout across the office that we needed 'to have a quickie', or he'd show me a report he was writing and tell me he 'had a large one'.

Am still really laughing at 'spud cunt'. Even when I type it.

ManicPixieDream · 14/05/2015 23:29

.

Cocolepew · 15/05/2015 00:18

Soon ago has me in tears Grin
Sitting in A&E there was a man struggling to get his wallet and parking ticket out and into the machine.
So I leapt up and loudly said "let me give you a hand" while glaring at everyone not helping him.
He was struggling because he was missing his right hand.

Gibble1 · 15/05/2015 00:54

I was walking along the sea front last year and had stopped to cross the road. Suddenly the man next to me started to cross in front of a bus and I grabbed him, yanked him back onto the pavement saying "NO! BUS!" He and DH looked at me like I was deranged and his wife was laughing her socks off!

emmelinelucas · 15/05/2015 01:02

Years ago I worked in Mental Health and had to go around, hosting goups, all over the Borough. It could be really exhausting.
One day was especially stressful and I swept in, flustered to my last appointment of the day.
I ran in, and someone siad "how's it going, emme ?"
to which I replied "it's just been insane today, just madness, I think I could go just crazy sometimes"
SILENCE.
I was in the middle of an acute psychiatric admissions ward.
Luckily, they saw the funny side
Blush

TheFlyingFauxPas · 15/05/2015 01:14

Tear streaming at "soon ago" Grin

MrsSheRa · 15/05/2015 01:40

"Next time try to swallow the come" Hahahahaha best one ever Grin

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 15/05/2015 07:55

HGV training involves 3 in the cab: 2 trainees and the instructor. One trainee driving, one in the passenger seat watching the other guy's mistakes, instructor in the middle.

The young Disgrace has NO filters. "Just my luck, always on the outside of a threesome". Cue 8 days of embarrassment in a confined space.

OnlyLovers · 15/05/2015 10:24

stiffy cocky pudding Grin

'Next time, try to swallow the come' Grin

Grin Grin Grin

Stop making me laugh – I'm going to be sick!

BabyOnBoob · 15/05/2015 10:33

I'm nearly wetting myself at spud cunt

spiderlight · 15/05/2015 10:42

I edited a book for someone whose first language is not English, and whose writing needed a lot of correction as a result. When it was published, he sent me a copy as a thank-you and I opened it to discover, on the actual printed acknowledgements page for everyone who ever buys the book to see, 'Thank you to spiderlight for putting her native tongue in my mouth' Shock

sarahlux · 15/05/2015 10:51

Loved this thread so thought I would add mine.

Me and the OH had just got engaged and his dad had invited us around for a family meal to celebrate. His new wife's children were there whom I hadn't met before.

The topic of conversation was the wedding...and I blurted out how much I would love a spit roast on the wedding day (meaning a hog roast).

Never managed to live that one down Blush

CrapBag · 15/05/2015 12:37

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WienerDiva · 15/05/2015 13:24

This has got me really chuckling.

Here's my contribution (that will undoubtedly out me if certain people I know are on here).

I used to sell Jamie at Home stuff and I was unloading my car for my first ever party. My dm's ndn and friend offered to have this party for me so I knew there would be a lot of people there, thankfully!

Her son in law came out to the car to help and I as I passed an item to him I said "Take a look at my big, red bucket, I think you'll love it."

I was referring to a drinks bucket.

He darn well nearly pissed himself.

CrapBag · 15/05/2015 13:29

I just remembered one I said to my DS when he was about 3. I was getting him in to bed and he liked to try and rhyme words so I was joining in and rhyming various things around him. I passed him his muslin he likes to have in bed and said "here's your wanky blanky" Blush Hmm. Thankfully it didn't register and he didn't repeat it so I got away with that one!