Did I really say that?...

[Flyinggeese21]

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

fuck off then you spud cunt

There's me MNing in the nursery waiting for DD to fall asleep and then Smarties comes out with this. I had to make a swift exit with tears streaming down my face and head straight to the kitchen to let myself laugh out loud. My first genuine internet LOL.

what a great thread!!

my embarrassing moment was when the boss gave me a lift home from work, when we pulled up I automatically leaned over and kissed her full on the lips, said "cheers for the lift darling" and got out the car - before realising when I saw our car on the drive that she wasn't my husband...

work was awkward for a few weeks... and she didn't offer me a lift again...

Smarties I'm crying here!!

I'm so glad people are enjoying my mortifying moment of madness.

I was talking a large group of people at work through some test questions. I had decided to start with the more simple ones, then they could choose when to try more challenging versions. One keen person asked me about a higher level topic right at the start, so I let them know we'd move onto that later. Unfortunately I said, "Ooh XXX; you have got a hard one there. Hold onto that hard one because we all want to share it later."

I'm a teacher. They (and I) didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Asking the guy in ikea where the poontang chairs were. By his espression I knew I had said something wrong but it wasn't till I got home and googled that I felt the full shame.

Still got no idea how I has even heard the word. Grown up daughter nearly wet herself when I told her thr story

My naturally shy friend was chairing an important meeting of about 30 or so people. She was nervous so I was silently cheering her on but I couldn't help falling apart when she was stalking through the agenda and she said " and then we have Mary ..you've got a rather large slot haven't you Mary?!" Still makes me LOL even when typing this!

Smarties I'm sorry you had a bad day. But you've got me in tears of laughter!

And Mermaid too! Great thread!

I'm not sure if I've told this before I here...

Working as a waitress in a cocktail bar nice restaurant when I was a teenager. We often had very "modern" things on the menu, which changed monthly.
One month we had a sweet which was "blackberry clafoutis".
I walked up to a table of four (two couples) to take their dessert order. One of the guys says to his GF "are you having the blackberry clitoris?" Everyone stopped. I sloped slowly off to the kitchens to die in a corner and went back once I could compose myself.

Another from the same pub. We often had "Thai fish patties" on the menu and it was often shortened to TFP on the order slip. I always used to call it as "tight fish panties" until someone carried a plate out to a diner and got muddled up and came out with the panties version

My brother was getting served in a shop while texting his dp. After paying he said "thanks babe" to the young lad on the till. My db was cringing.

When talking to one of dds friends mum, who is very obviously Asian about where she is from. "Oh the Philippines, is that in Europe? " (I've never been good at geography)

I was the amused recipient of one of these today at work.

I took a call from a colleague, a young girl who gets very nervous when talking to those higher up the ladder than her, especially when she's on the phone.

Anyway she phoned to update me about one of the offices and said "I've had a good look around Barry's orifice and it's all OK in there".

The poor thing. I could hear her almost stall just after she said it and could picture her going red as she does. I managed not to laugh or say anything though and just muttered something to fill the silence so she would hopefully think I hadn't heard.

Mermaid that is BRILLIANT. Just tried it to see what would happen any it's really hard to brandish a ring finger without it turning into the wrong finger entirely. Brilliant.

I walked into my older colleague's office, meaning to say I had a quick question but actually coming out with, "I've got a quickie for you". Luckily he burst out laughing

Mid-discussion with another team leader about workloads we were going to assign various people to, I stated that "if I get desperate, I'll come and yank a couple of your guys off"

I knew what I meant...but it came out a little bit wrong.

Never lived it down and can still replay every single second in my head.

A vicar I know one told us the story of how, during a wedding he was conducting said about the bride as she arrived at the altar "she looks as pretty as a picture!".

After the ceremony he was met by his wife who was fuming with him. He'd actually said "she's no oil painting"

Can people stop rewriting smarties, I manage to stop laughing and then there it is again!

Should say smarties spud one

Not me but a colleague

I worked for a building company, and we had a lot of guys on one site when the weather closed in ( this was the year of some big floods)

We rang the site manager at lunchtime and asked him whether he was able to continue working. His priceless reply:-

' no, I'm sat in the van with Kev, we can't get out so I'm pulling him off'

I was waiting at a crossing with DS and DD when they were small. I had DD's hand and she was holding on to DS, so I had a hand spare and full sight/touch of the DC.

I still grabbed on to the 6ft man next to us and very firmly held his hand until we were safely on the other side. He did tug a bit but then walked nicely :).

I don't know why I didn't let go.

I went in to a very straight-laced senior manager's office to ask him to sign some documents. He had his coat on so I gabbled that I wasn't sure if he was coming or going. He replied "I'm coming". Couldn't meet his eye cos I knew that he immediately knew how it sounded!

I asked the man in an ice cream van for a sixty nine once when I meant ninety nine. He didn't bat an eyelid...

I once when to visit a friend that I hadn't seen for a while. Her elderly grandmother lived with her I found myself (to my eternal shame) greeting her with 'hello, Gran, you still around?'

I bumped into my ex boyfriend from years ago on a night out and we hadn't seen each other since we split up. We both ended up having a really great chat about how our lives had moved on and at the end of the night he shared mine and my friend's taxi. My friend got our first and I was due to get out second... Saying goodbye I said 'it was lovely to see you, take care' which was fine, but as I shut the door, I added 'byeeee, love youuuu'! Almost died on the spot. I didn't even still hold a candle for him ??

Hahahahahahaha, Fuck off you spud cunt!! This thread is brilliant, thank you for making me laugh!