Did I really say that?...

[Flyinggeese21]

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

Whilst chatting to an older, fairly conservative colleague one day I farted very audibly.
For a split second we both registered what happened then I opted to just carry on chatting as if nothing had happened .
Mortified.

I'm actually crying at fuck off then you spud cunt

I wish someone would say that at the self scan in my work!

LMAO fuck off then you spud cunt my pelvic floor cant cope with that! Leading nicely onto my foibles....

Whilst heavily pregnant I managed to nudge the table very slowly at work with my knee which I had rested on the table. My colleague said something along the lines of "What to fuck, the table is moving" I cracked up laughing and managed to pee myself a little a lot and had to sit in soggy leggings through sheer embarrassment. I'm sure I also farted a few times whilst laughing during pregnancy and no-one said a word

I once said to a colleague did he have a ruler so I could measure my gap for when my new toy arrived at work.... I was talking about the new printer arriving.

I also had a dress delivered once from Ebay and as a colleague was closing a deal on the phone got said dress out of the packaging to show another colleague.... to my alarm a piece of dental floss (aka a thong) which wasnt mentioned in the advert fell on the floor.... I am constantly reminded by my colleague how I dropped my knickers for him lol

I am sure one MNetter said they always switched the language of self scanners to Welsh when they had finished with it.... I have never figured out how to do that.

I'm glad people were so tickled by my public tuber tantrum.
I had a mortifying fart situation where I was the fartee rather than the farter.
The accidental farter in question was the nicest but shyest, most awkward person I have ever worked with.
While we both pretended it hadn't happened and made our conversation excessively jolly and loud to show how much nothing had happened and no one had noticed I was dying inside knowing how embarrassed the poor guy would be. I think I would have felt less awkward if my arse had barked rather than his.

Loving these! Hellkitty (smile).

Oh

Oh another I've just remembered - must have buried this one quite deep as it's a cringer.

At work a few years ago a colleague asked my opinion on something - can't remember exactly what - but like 'shall I email you that document?'. My reply? 'Yes, that feels good'. Noooooooo.

I once asked a garden centre assistant if he had any trailing labia instead of lobelia

I also was describing some clouds to DH the other day and said ' look there are lots of cunnilingus clouds today' instead of cumulus / nimbus. Dh nearly crashed the car he was laughing so much ...

"Fuck off you spud cunt"

I was on a bus with a group of friends, we were standing at the front as only going a few stops. A man went to get off so I went to say to friends "watch out the way for the bloke" only he caught my eye, he was African, and I said "watch out the way for the black". It was very awkward and I got a few dirty looks.

Also, in an interview I totally forgot the word "recently". I couldn't remember it and ad libed the word to "soon ago". Soon ago FFS. The interviewer was but surprisingly I got the job.

Soon ago has really tickled me. Many years ago, I was telling my then boyfriend's mum about our upcoming trip to Phuket. Only I got a bit muddled in my pronunciation and told her how we were off to Fuckit. I still cringe.

The friend of mine who'd recently tripped over out running was somewhat taken aback when, in a packed supermarket, I commented on her injuries with the immortal words "My, but you've got a nasty gash!". The man who overheard this laughed so loudly that I thought he'd need a change of underwear.

I told my fil that 4 fingers were way better than 2.. We were discussing kit lats

Kit kats obviously

Prawn sandwich....spud...sperm donor...I am hyperventilating here . Here's one of mine. I was getting the drinks in at work and had a tray of about ten klix cups with water, coffee etc. The first desk was my boss's and he was on the phone with his back to me. As I got right up to him and was lifting his drink off the tray, so holding the tray with one hand, he moved a little bit backwards in his chair and bumped me slightly - just enough so the whole tray of drinks tipped right over him - he was soaked and it was probably pretty sore as well. I said (cringe), 'that was YOUR fault!'. I'm mortified even thinking about it now, years later.

rainicorn Proper snot flew out at "soon ago"
That's the funniest thing on this thread

fuck off you spud cunt

These are amazing!

Went shopping the other week and after being served at the till I said ' thanks dad' and walked away. I wasn't even out with him!!! No idea why

Not me but my mum sent me a message today meaning to say 'I feel so sick' instead autocorrect decided to be funny and Change it to 'I feel for dick'

I've told this before on here, but I think one of my worst was when I was helping a bookshop customer over the phone. She had asked me what self-help titles we had on Agoraphobia. I began reading her a long list, and then cut myself short and cheerily said "You know what? There's loads, you'd better just come in and have a browse!"

These are hysterical! The trailing labia and cunnilingus clouds and the spud

I told my husband about the spud cunt and he is still laughing

It's going to be one of those things that I randomly think and laugh about.