Really inappropriate funeral thread

[Wh0dathunkit]

So, I'll share mine first.....
Had to decide (without a great deal of getting to know said deceased) what would be the most appropriate music....
We were doing really well. We found "Wish me luck as I wave you goodbye" as the out-tro...
Unfortunately, the CD we used was one of those odd old school ones where it wasn't just the song you were looking for but 2 other songs as well on a single track.
The other track was "Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler".
Whilst we warned the funeral directors, and they did a great job the first few repeats, a few slips happened. I'm not sure if the rellos found it funny (she was a game old bird), or if they were just too polite to say anything...

Please share, you'll make me feel better!

Just remembered another one from my lovely grandma's, the funeral was on the same day as she used to go to her Tuesday club, Dm had rung to explain she had passed away but the message wasn't passed on, so just as the hearse pulled up so did her Tuesday club lift. The chap still came to the door and asked for her, Dm just pointed at the hearse and said she is in there, man beat a hasty retreat with a car full of shocked old dears, poor man.

At dgodfathers wake my dad stood up to do a speech, then 6 firemen burst in on a practice drill, they took their helmets off and left quickly. Lightened the mood a bit!

lettherebe reminds me of my step gran's funeral. It was decided that there would be 6 pall bearers; her brother, her 4 sons in law, and my cousin.

brother was 5 foot 10, my cousin is 5 foot 10 ish, my dad and two uncles range from 5 foot 9 to 6 foot. My other uncle is 5 foot 6. The coffin had a bit of a lean on it!

I remember asking my DM (I was about 11 at the time) whether short uncle would need to balance the coffin on his head....

My step gran had rallied several times towards the end of her life, so people had gone and visited her several times to say their goodbyes. It had become a bit of a (bad taste) family joke -oh X is dying again...

During his speech, the vicar remarking on her strong grip on life, remembering a time when he had visited her when she was on her death bed, with the comment of 'but she didn't die that time', which was followed by my DDad whispering in my ear 'nor the time after that, nor the time after that', so we spent the rest of the service biting our lips go stop giggling

littlewhitebag that's so sweet. I'm sorry for your loss.

antoinette thank you. It was a very long time ago now. She would have been 23 now so i can recall it with fondness rather than sadness.

Oh, littlewhitebag. how very sweet of them, to see 'dd's party' in their own wee way.
I am sorry for your loss. x.

At my dad's funeral ds4, then aged 18 months, stood on my lap, looked over at the coffin, and in a very clear voice (his clearest yet?) shouted 'dead'.

Basketz

Fact over tact. Love it

The priest said my Nan's name instead of my great grandma's (her mum) when sending the spirit to heaven. He said the wrong name 3 times during the service. My grieving nan was not impressed. It was awful!! Kind of funny looking back now though!

firstchoice Wed 30-Jul-14 21:35:03
Oh, littlewhitebag. how very sweet of them, to see 'dd's party' in their own wee way.

Sorry but this made me laugh considering the party bag contents.

Yeah, the funniest with hindsight (at the time I was just ) was my aunt's cat's bum face. To be fair she was upset, we all were, but it was her lil bro in the box. Dad was very irreverent - and VERY keen on his 6 grandsons. He'd have loved it.

I love the littlewhitebag story too. Very useful these little bags. Not a funeral story but - he day after a family wedding, it was my birthday and DH presented me with his beard in one of these little bags. I'd better not give him any more ideas ....

Mum collected Grannie's ashes from the undertaker, and was told she had to have a bag to put them in, in case the urn upset people.

She didn't, so they provided one. At home she realised what it said. 'Iceland. Best for BBQs'.

There's no doubt that music at the funeral can be a bit of a minefield.

I was at the funeral of a keen amateur (but very good) musician. Family explained that he loved very dramatic music and for the bit where the coffin goes behind the curtains they would play a recording that he had been part of. When the music started it was the 'Dies Irae' (Day of Wrath) from one of the louder requiems, all about the day of judgement and going to hell

On arrival at my mums funeral, in the limo behind the hearse with my dad, sister and uncle. The car stops outside the crem and there are two undertakers at the door wearing black suits and ties with white shirts, heads bowed.

Uncle says 'bloody hell Labrador's Dad, I didn't realise you'd hired security!'

Gave us all a brief giggle and will stay with me forever !

Not at a funeral but I went with a good friend to the funeral directors for support while she organised her db's funeral.

I'm sitting quietly not really concentrating when I happen to glance out of the window. In my direct line of sight is a 30ft high shark sticking out of the roof of a house opposite!

I sat wondering if I had gone completely mad then got the silent giggles as the whole situation was frankly bizarre!

The funeral director handed me a box of tissues which made me hysterical!

Thankfully they both saw the funny side

When DF died the funeral director called round to pick up the clothes he'd be buried in. His favourite Hawaiian shirt he'd already asked for, and "underpants because he'll be in company but no shoes because he won't be walking".

Took quite a lot of the sting off.

My mother asked me to accompany here to the funeral of a distant cousin. Dd1 was on an inset day from school and I had no child are so had to take her along but sat at the back of the church. She was extremely interested (she was about 10 at the time) in the whole proceedings. Joined in the hymns, asked intelligent questions etc. Listened intently to the eulogy, which went on for some time. The person doing the eulogy ended with "and Hugh did some fantastic things in his life and it was a full and happy one" to which DD1 burst out in applause. Cue all the mourners turning around and glaring at her.

She said later that she thought it was like a wedding speech where everyone clapped at the end. We've never let her live it down!

Me and a pal were sightseeing (pub searching) in Ireland when we were ushered into this house/pub.

Hours later in discussion we realised it was a funeral. We had spent best part of the day being fed and watered by some lovely people who thought we were there to show our respects!

whojamaflip - would that have been in Headington by any chance?

Friend of DH's, long before I knew him, had requested a Queen song to played at his funeral. A few weeks later he died and someone dutifully gave the church the correct CD but no one realized that the next song was Another One Bites the Dust. Yep, it got played as the coffin was carried out of the church after the service.

Oh that's too funny, AdoraBell !

Funeral of a work colleague on a very hot day. The tiny church was packed as he wasn't very old and the whole factory had pitched up. Widow collapses (heat & stress) and has to be taken to hospital by ambulance. The service carried on without her only for two more people to collapse and need ambulances. On the third 999 call the operator apparently asked whether we also needed the police or fire brigade as we were clearly having a bad day!!!

My best ones would out me completely, but..

My gran was a famously fussy eater and there was loads she didn't eat - we often joked that if given meat and two vegetables she'd eat the meat, have a bit of one of the vegetables, say that the other didn't agree with her and get some chips instead.

My vegetarian aunt and I were down to do the readings, and we had a quick glance at them at the back of church to prepare a bit. Mine was more or less what I expected; my aunt looked up the reference and looked puzzled, then collapsed into giggles.

The reading she was actually supposed to do was a later bit of Romans, but there had been a misprint in the order of service to read "One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables..."

She did an amazing job of keeping her face straight while reading the right bit ('accept one another, as God accepted you..'), though DH wondered why my shoulders were shaking that much.

I love the Bob the Builder interlude!

For my Dad ( having been married 4 times! ) I wanted lipstick on your collar , or wild thing but my brother thought it was a little too harsh.
At an old aunts funeral , it was really raining , and had been for a few days, everywhere was like a bog, after standing at the grave side for over 30mins we were all well and truly stuck in the mud, after us all helping each other out , the vicar was walking around shaking hands with the family , when we noted he had stepped out of his shoes and was slipping around quite nicely in just his socks bless.

Yes it was headingdon - it was such a surreal situation.

I've lived 20 miles away for the last 30 odd years and was still completely unaware it was a local landmark