Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

[Only1scoop]

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much.... he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone

[TheCunkOfPhilomena]

PrimaDonnaGirl That is superb! I wonder if it still makes him think of you . I was going to mention that one ex came to pick me up one day with a completely bald head after I'd mentioned that I liked the feel of skinheads when they were fuzzy but yours beats that!

[Wadingthroughsoup]

kumamon That is bizarre. The last sentence doesn't even make sense.

[Primadonnagirl]

I hate dragon tattoos now!!!!

[RXQueen]

Went out with a bloke once who must have been a virgin coz him the throes of passion said "you have a beautiful vagina"

[RXQueen]

Clegnuts, that's got me howling

[SlicedAndDiced]

I've actually thought of another big squeamish moment with clegnut man. I'd blocked it out.

I was 17, clegnut man and I had been together since we were 15. It was New Year's Eve and I took clegnut man out to the pub with my college friends.

It was fun, everyone had a few drinks. Clegnut man seemed to disappear but I just assumed he was off doing his own thing and carried on having a laugh.

Until one of my mates dragged me off as the new year count down started, and pointed into a corner.

Where Clegnut man was busily groping and licking the back of an enormous old woman's throat.

I cringed Then dumped him.

[ballsballsballs]

One ex used to sing in the supermarket. 'In the middle of Tescos / between the chicken and the be-e-ef...'.

He also had a massive cock, it must have been 8 inches flaccid. And he loved swimming, but always wore tiny speedos. I remember swimming away from him at speed every time we went to the local pool.

Another ex was a clothes-folder. And I always knew when he was in the mood because he'd put Enigma on the stereo. I can't listen to it without remembering his ugly cock - it was like a dripping candle.

[barmybiddy]

gave himself a dolmio grin.

then looked up at me with a pleased expression on his face, like REALLY FUCKING SMUG, and said "tell me something"

i think he was expecting "i love you".

i didn't.

[VerityWaves]

Omg!!

[Nohootingchickenssleeping]

RXQueen I'm hearing that in the stuttery voice of Alan Stathem from Green Wing.

[IsChippyMintonExDirectory]

Eww I just remembered a date from hell I had when I was about 20. A bloke who, when it came to kissing, just put his open lips against mine, didn't move them at all, and instead stuck his tongue in my mouth and swirled it around again and again! . That was how he kissed. No variation on that technique. I can only guess he read about it in some shit lad mag or something. For some bizarre reason I went on a second date, hoping it was a one off, and he did it again. I didn't know him well enough to tell him he was doing it wrong, so just ignored his calls after that

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

"Dolmio grin"

Hahaha, never heard it called that before!

[Pyjamaramadrama]

In the middle of sex he'd moan and say 'mmm, so good, have you been practising'.

Cringe.

[PoirotsMoustache]

I'm not sure I understand 'dolmio grin'.

Either he was really messily eating spag bol, or he was giving oral... Or am I completely off track here?

[daddyorchipsdaddyorchips]

Giving oral during AF. Lovely.

[PoirotsMoustache]

Ugh.

[ZweiPfennig]

OMG. Can I add someone who had erectile dysfunction yet didn't think I would notice he used his hand to "make love" er I'm a grown woman, I have done this before... did you think I wouldn't notice?

He didn't mention it in case it "put me off him". HA! Enjoy your solitary life...!

Had he mentioned any problem I was prepared to work with him to resolve or get by the problem. HE didn't - he lied by misrepresentation.

[AdamLambsbreath]

I saw an ad for Dolmio last night and instantly thought of this.

I am permanently scarred.

[AdamLambsbreath]

zwei, that is fabulous.

The idea that you just wouldn't notice.

[thenightsky]

Oooh. I had one that substituted his hand too!

[CarryOn90]

My unbelievably immature ex once told me the story of when he and his hilarious rebellious mates () climbed onto the roof of a leisure centre in the middle of the night to muck around and he did a shit, there on the roof.

[eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever]

I had one who took me to the cinema for our first date and proceeded to drink his pint of Sprite through his nose. Apparently he was under the impression this would impress me.

[PittTheYounger]

i am too grossed out by dolmio grin

[Jux]

I am really grossed out by that too, Pitt.