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Original poster

Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

345 replies

Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 19:03

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much.... he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone Wink

OP posts:
apermanentheadache · 31/07/2014 20:43

Wow, what career was he in?! I can't think of any unless it was a doctor-patient relationship or he was a prisoner and you were inside (or vice-versa Grin !

apermanentheadache · 31/07/2014 20:44

Prison officer, not prisoner, sorry - it's been a long day.

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 20:47

but was it vital to be anon?

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 20:48

even Special forces people tell you their names fgs

DrankSangriaInThePark · 31/07/2014 20:56

Was Mr Pseudo around when Spooks was in its heyday by any chance Partridge?

Bet he worked down the Asda really but wanted to sex it up for you. Grin

Surely if it had been something Seriously Secret you'd have had to have been positively vetted yourself?

ihatethecold · 31/07/2014 20:56

I'm loving that poem. Grin

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 20:57

i want the WHOLE partridge story in one post. I just don't get it

Partridge · 31/07/2014 21:13

Ok, this will totally out me. He was a surgeon who I met in rehab - he was a heroin addict (actually probably not at all unusual). He was incredibly grandiose and convinced he would be struck off if discovered (god knows how he ever would have been). Because of his nationality, the chosen name was laughable.

You see, he duped me so much with his grandiosity that I still get a tingle of fear that I will ruin his career mentioning this even though nobody could possibly identify him.

I can also laugh at how stupidly naive I was. Blush

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 21:15

so he was undercover in rehab? Hoping the GMc wouldnt find out?
WOW.

Partridge · 31/07/2014 21:15

And of course it wasn't vital that he had a pseudonym. I am demonstrating the cringeworthyness of the ex. He was a tortured soul. Smile

MorphineDreams · 31/07/2014 21:17

My exes nickname was 'Reddy'. He used to say things like 'Reddy Steady Go' and before sex would say 'are YOU REDDYYY' with a horrible wink.

Ew.

Partridge · 31/07/2014 21:17

Oh god Pitt, you are going to bust him, aren't you? He was right Grin. This was over 15 years ago though, and he hasn't relapsed since...

Galvanized · 31/07/2014 21:22

Ohh I see, you poor thing partridge - good to look back and laugh though!

thenightsky · 31/07/2014 21:54

ah... not my DL then. He was allegedly 'special forces' Wink

Grin
Shakey1500 · 31/07/2014 22:10

Great thread.

Ex of mine, total weirdo. I'd gone abroad with work for a pretty intense (work wise) week. He "missed me" and flew over. The relationship was on it's last legs at this point and I was relieved to be away from him and be with like-minded folk having a blast.

He found me in a local bar with colleagues, started a MASSIVE row. Cue colleagues all looking like this Shock Blush Shock He got thrown out of the bar. When we returned to the hotel there was a trail of literally hundreds of post-it notes with all manner of weird shit written on them leading up to my room and he was comatose outside (he didn't have a key).

I ended up staying in my Area Manager's room Blush and had to sneak out of the hotel in the morning.

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 22:18

I think we need a separate thread ' Lies you have fallen for that you now think WTF was I thinking'

rollonthesummer · 31/07/2014 23:25

Was he really a surgeon?!

DuchessofKirkcaldy · 01/08/2014 00:42

I had an ex who I never saw naked. He would pull his penis out of the hole in the front of his boxer shorts for sex then tuck it back in again.
I wondered if there was something wrong down there but he said no, he just liked it like that.
Sexy!

PittTheYounger · 01/08/2014 07:06

Lol. Amazing!

Partridge · 01/08/2014 07:53

Yes, he was definitely a surgeon. Now I know his real name I can find him on the gmc register.

Quodlibet · 01/08/2014 09:46

I had an ex who was quite posh in a slightly Eurotrash way. He dressed a bit like he was from the 1800s and was quite very vain. He loved the poetry of slumming it with a poor artist (me) until the reality of sticky-floored pubs and uncouth working class friends became a bit much for him. Anyway.
The moment I knew it was over was when I had a plumbing emergency in my flat while he was cleansing his face. I found myself under the bath with a spanner dealing with a leak and asked him to please stop running the tap for a moment. He shrieked 'but I've got soap on my face! My skin will dry out!' All remaining sexual frisson evaporated immediately.

indecisivemeee · 01/08/2014 10:58

I had 2 hilarious dates, not ex partners but still funny all the same.

One guy met up with me. I was talking to him about the new Superman film (I'm a fan of the old films) and he looked me in the eye, deadly serious, and said "I WILL fight Superman for you."

Another (rather odd) man said, mid-date, "I hope you don't mind me saying this...but you are a scrumptious sod."
Quite a compliment!

Gatekeeper · 01/08/2014 11:33

Shia, I reckon your ex misheard "Smallish" for "More-ish" Grin

kumamon · 01/08/2014 13:27

My ex liked to think of himself as a strong communicator.

The following is from a completely serious email to his Mum after there was some mix up regarding when they were visiting him. I've just included some of the highlights. The best bit is it was addressed to her actual name, rather than 'Mum' - indicating displeasure...

"I had no consultation from yourselves that you were intending to stay an extra weekend...

I would ask you to reflect on your own communication during this matter. At all points when we have talked I have done my best to lay out a plan of action, discuss any issues of concern, and work towards a constructive solution. I do not appreciate being put in a position where being 'annoyed' or 'disappointed' at my attempts to build a workable compromise between multiple parties is viewed in such a manner."

Charitybag · 01/08/2014 17:59

Ooh, I had an ex, who I was going out with Christmas 1996 when the Spice Girls where in the charts. Anyway, one night as we just started shagging, he whispered in my ear "two become one". Ugh.

He got binned after that.