The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

[daughterofafarmer]

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

My sil has been convinced that my dts look after each other, so must be easier than having singleton babies.
Not that I think having twins is harder, I just don't think its always easier.

She has been banging on about it since they were 4 months. At which point they didn't keep each other amused, play together nicely and share interests other than my breasts, sleeping and crying.

'chuck all the polish out and then we will all have jobs'

this gem was from a friend of mine who I thought was quite a reasonable person.

'ADHD doesn't exist, its an excuse for poor parenting and and also an excuse for getting DLA'

said by a stuck up cow at the school. My son has adhd, autism and receives dla. her kids are perfect

An adult friend asked whereabouts in Europe America was.

She had assumed that because we are friendly nations, the UK was right next door to America.

My friend on announcing her pregnancy and showing me her scan photos:

"I'm going to complain to my midwife. She said I was around 8 weeks but the scan shows I'm 14 weeks."

Me: "Really?! When was your last appointment?"
Friend: "About 6 weeks ago! I can't believe how off the mark she was."
Me: "Erm....you do realise that your pregnancy is counted in weeks. Every week the number increases, you don't stay 8 weeks."
Friend: "Oh! Really?!"

I really do wonder about her sometimes. This was 4 years ago and I still don't know how she thought that was right.

My hairdresser mentioned about someone with cancer, I told her about my close friend who is very poorly with it (it is in her bones and her glands). Hairdresser; "All she has to do is stay positive and she'll be ok".

I honestly didnt know what to say

My favourite was the acquaintance who has a monthly 'salon day' for her dog. Apparently he has a favourite stylist and manicurist. Slightly embarrassing that I have a less rigorous personal grooming routine than a shih-tzu.

From a work colleague - "Oh! I can't go to the beach, I'm scared of fish!"

Changing nappies every three hours in the day teaches a baby routine and then they will sleep through.

ObamasElf- That is hilarious!

Lurks
Love the shiht zu and 8 weeks pregnant one

Fellow student in my class when we were doing teacher training -

'Special schools are just discriminatory. I think it's really unfair. Autistic children dont need them anyway, autism's a really mild condition. They can be taught how to behave properly and that'

What's ten times more infuriating is that the tutor agreed. I walked out of the degree a month later.

My wonderful work colleague is amazed that not everyone has a bottle of emergency champagne in the fridge. When I told him I didn't he insisted on going round the office checking with everyone else. He was genuinely and is still concerned that we may have an emergency which calls for champagne and we wouldn't have immediate access to a chilled bottle. I do love him though!

"Postnatal Depression doesn't excist. It's just Mums being jealous of all of the attention the baby's getting"

Said by my SIL who has no children and has very little experience with them. I wanted to throttle her. Luckily I wasn't suffering from PND but I was gobsmacked at how someone could just throw a comment out like that.

"Excist"?

I had a wonderfully paranoid friend who believed every single conspiracy theory ever going. His status updates were the work of a genius and never failed to please. The last one before got paranoid that the government were using FB to spy on him and he deleted his account was a cracker about Princess Diana and aliens.
I miss him

the comment wasn't made to me, but to another colleague (this friend is from an incredibly wealthy family, but you wouldn't know it. It's just every now and then he comes out with something like this and you go "aaaaaaaaaah, yeah. He's loaded").
Colleague was saying how she likes pomegranates, but it's a pain to get all the seeds out. Friend's response "oh, I didn't know. We have someone who does that for us".
Or when we were discussing where I live "my parents used to own an apartment block near there". Note, block not just apartment.

Oh, and no he didn't have an MH issues. He is in fact a very pleasant intelligent average man.

Oh yes, another ADHD one here - two friends lamenting that fact that so many children have ADHD when really they are just naughty. On further questioning, it turns out that neither of them knew a single child with ADHD.

Said to me by a friend's sister, visiting from Thailand where she was thinking of emigrating. 'Bangkok's quite nice really. Rather like Lewisham'

these are hilarious.

my friend once asked me what creative writing was. I was studying a degree in it and she thought it meant caligraphy and thought I was wasting money getting a degree in "poncey writing"

Thanks for the tip, ginmakesitallok - I'll add it to my shopping list.

Lewisham?!!

My SIL has a framed certificate qualifying her to carry out Goddess readings.

Said by a friend several years ago

'Why did George Bush blow up the twin towers?'

And her dp is in the forces.

Dobbie are you quite sure he didn't have mh issues? Does sound really rather worrying. BTW people with mh issues can be pleasant and intelligent too.