The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

[daughterofafarmer]

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

I had a friend years ago who was telling me about some cheap holiday deals or something and said that it was just for UK breaks. Then she asked 'Do they include Germany in that?'

She also once was telling me about her holiday and said that they accepted their own currency (I forget where she had been now) but also accepted something called 'Sterling?'.

My dear Mum in answering a Trivial Pusuit question......

Q - What country has a coastline of only 3 and 1/2 miles?
Mum- Great Britain (and she had driven 10 miles along the coast to get to our house from hers......)

Blimey, these are corkers. .

Some of those are truly outstanding and shocking!

A friend of mine who was planning her wedding wasn't impressed when her brothers girlfriend offer to help in any way...I said oh great, that's nice of her. My friend replied...
'But what does she know about planning a Christian wedding'

Girlfriend is muslim.

These are great. At a party years ago, I can't remember how or why this came up, but someone says that there are only 30 or so days each year that women can conceive. My future Rhodes scholar friend: then why don't we all have the same birthdays?

Okay, I'll be the dozy one. Where do you wee from if not your fanny?

Your urethra. Time you Google imaged it I think!

I will admit to not realising the identical brother and sister twin thing until a few years ago I think it just stems from meeting very similar brother/sister twins and not reall u thinking about it very much.

All the same to me. Missed a lot of biology with changing schools.

I have a twin brother and have been asked "are you identical?" a few times. I just tell them no we're not, I have slightly bigger tits

My friend, during a power cut:

'but how can I drive home? My headlights won't work!'

DH was looking at a monkey at the zoo when in all seriousness asked where its willy was..... Um that would be a girl monkey love!

I remember when I was about 19 innocently asking my then boyfriend about the 'Slow lorries ahead' signs on roads. 'How do they know?' He just looked at me despairingly.

My fairly intelligent DH once said 'I'm not sure what butterscotch is, is it from a plant'

I can't even imagine what a butterscotch plant would look like.

One of my sisters would not believe me when I told her that carrot cake had real carrot in it. She also also refused to believe that cheese cake had cheese in it

Sorry but it is biologically possible for identical twins to be different sexes, the girl will often have Turner syndrome.. It's exceptionally rare but can happen- just google it.

I was going to say the same as bulby. It is certainly possible for male/female twins to be identical.

There are a lot of MNers who seem to think that the channel tunnel sits on the bed of the ocean.

MissStrawberry I'll admit to the fanny/urethra confusion. I was very peturbed when I recently had to have a catheter in for 3 weeks and found that it was not, in fact, up my fanny

Best thing I've heard a friend say is that she sets her alarm for every two hours in the night to change her baby's nappy. She is genuinely baffled as to how other babies sleep through their two-hourly nighttime nappy changes. I don't have the heart to tell her...

Well dr google tells me that fewer than 10 boy/girl monozygotic twins have been reported, so pretty unlikely. And given that I don't have any of the symptoms of turners I still think folk asking if I'm identical to my db are being ridiculous!

Depression is always a choice

Er, I really don't think people choose to feel this shit mate....

From quite a close friend when discussing the depression of a mutual friend. I was really taken aback because she is generally a very compassionate person (but also v religious? Not sure if relevant?).

2 hourly nappy changes?

My sister once went downstairs to my parents to ask for a new lightbulb because the one in her room was leaking. She was 16 and apparently thought lightbulbs were full of water.

I dont have kids - can someone explain the nappy one ?