hey kids, let me tell you a little secret, love Mum...

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I hear you, you hate carrots, they're yucky yucky yucky andyou never want to have them.

That cheesey mash I make that you love so much? It aint that colour cos of cheese. IIt's that colour because it's 50% carrot.

You always ask for seconds,

While I have your attention, that crazy frog toy didn't break. I took out the batteries before I went stark raving mad.

Y'know the battery elf that lives under the floorboards and steals the batteries from your toys, especially the really fucking irritating ones like the disney phone or that sodding singing bus loud ones?....yeah, about that.

Oh yes..and when i say i'm going to count to 3, i have absolutely no clue what i would do if i got to 3! (Fortunately never made it past 2).

Ooh just thought of another one. My DD believed that you could only buy fizzy orange in Spain. She called it Spanish orange juice.

Until she was about 6!

I don't really want to time you to find the hairbrush to see if you'll make the next Olympics.. I Just want the fooking hairbrush and can't be arsed getting it myself

'Pixie pillows' are just shredded wheat

The Internet isn't broken, I just switched the router off.

Do we need to be original? No point reinventing the wheel.

That magic water that fixes bumps and bruises. ...erm.

Howstricks you just start from 1 again. Works every time!!

PsammeadPaintedTheLion Sun 28-Jul-13 16:37:02

That man who mummy talks to at the door every once in a while? That's not Father Christmas's helper making spot checks. That's the postman.

^ that is bloody genius

Only you are sad that those toys no longer ping, squeak and warble because 'they don't make that kind of battery any more.' I am fucking gleeful about it.

Oh yes!
So many happy, happy memories and some that still work.
The nutella still lives in the organic chai tea tin. 18 years and you haven't worked that one out yet.
Yes to golden mash, I learned that one from my mum when I found out at 31 that special mash included my portion of carrots...and a raw egg yolk!
(I omitted the yolk)

That time we ate at a harbour side fish restaurant and you ate that bowl of crispy chips.

They weren't chips, they were whitebait. Really.

at this thread.

Yes, DDs, I do put mushrooms in a lot of meals I cook for you, and I've been doing it for years

Oh, this thread has made my afternoon

Oh and that time you got stung by a stinging nettle and I couldn't find a dock leaf, but then grandad found a special dock leaf. Definitely not a dandelion leaf. Oh no..

Hoggy food colouring in medicine what a genius idea

Ds the air freshner things that go off every so often do not have a camera in so Father Christmas can watch you , Oh & he doesn't come round every week to inspect your bedroom
Also not all meat is chicken , surely you have noticed the difference in taste

Not everything I eat has fish in , I just tell you that because I don't want to share.
Your Golfish James & Percy did not go & live with Nemo at the Sealife centre & your hamster Henry-Gordon is buried at the bottom of the garden & did not run away to join the circus

Who had a dump in your handbag Lady?

Don't feed the troll. She doesn't like courgette, broccoli or cheese.

DB Mum gave you normal pork sausages for years despite asking the Butcher for Wolf ones as they were the only ones you would eat

Course she did. Its not the first time either.
And she's started a thread about it. Veg hiding parents what's the point neurotic doesn't hurt a kid to grow up on burgers and fags argh argh argh!
Missing the point of this thread by a mile.
Got to laugh, really.
I don't think she likes me very much

Posted to soon

That 'Magic Pop' you drink is not made by the fairies at the bottom of the garden it is Robinsons cordial & Fizzy water

I put DS's balloon in a street bin today. It hadn't even popped!

Dd the soft play place isn't actually closed I just can't bear it anymore.

The toys in the broken toy cupboard? All suffered death by stamping and battery removal. Also there are not actually scary things in the cupboard it's empty.

I haven't let you stayed up really really late I keep emergency episodes of the bedtime hour recorded and put them on early, you're actually going to bed early.

Driinks that come in metal tins are not really poisonous to children. Not in the short term anyway.