hey kids, let me tell you a little secret, love Mum...

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I hear you, you hate carrots, they're yucky yucky yucky andyou never want to have them.

That cheesey mash I make that you love so much? It aint that colour cos of cheese. IIt's that colour because it's 50% carrot.

You always ask for seconds,

While I have your attention, that crazy frog toy didn't break. I took out the batteries before I went stark raving mad.

I must admit I love whoever introduced me to "Elf on a shelf".

It makes December, a very, very pleasant month.

Perhaps its time for Elf to visit for us her summer holidays too....

stealth if I guessed at LES would I be right? If not, I need a PM :)

Hec - lovely to be so popular that she has to start ATAAT isn't it

DS, who used to go to bed as soon as he heard the Emmerdale theme tune, I used to have it on programme record and play it if I wanted you to go to bed early.

DD2, There are not actually cameras trained on the sweets in Iceland. The manager was saying no when I phoned him and asked him and I continued to ask him to look at the CCTV footage to get you to confess to stealing the sweets instead of blaming your brother.

DD1 is 18 now and pretty much knows everything I hid from her now.

DD1 - you know you didn't like tomato soup? So Mr Heinz made some special orange soup for you? Cam in the same tin as everyone else's tomato soup? Hmm?

Oh, and like a PP poster, I had no idea what would happen if I actually got to 3 before you did what ever it was you were supposed to be doing. I am genuinely sorry you still freak out if you hear anyone counting slowly .

Another one taking notes for future use from the best parenting course ever.

These are fab taking notes

Mummy doesn't have an extra pair of eyes on the back of her head darling.

Little birdies tell me NOTHING, sweetpea.

I'm just a controlling mother.

This is the best parenting advice I've read in a long time

DS I usually know where everything is in the house, so when you ask me where a Crappy Meal Toy or one of your 5 squillion drawings is and I say "I don't know, it must be somewhere though!", I really do know, and 'somewhere' is what I call the wheelie bin.

Our tv does really pick up the bedtime hour, it's just me changing channels behind my back at 6 o'clock and saying "Whoops it's gone off again! Let's go for a bath instead."

I've never lied about battery operated toys not working, not having the instructions for toys I don't like, claimed only daddy knows how to put the toy together, or hidden a wooden recorder, trumpet and drum sticks in a high cupboard

Dear DS, when I trim your nails I'm not going to cut your fingers off. I promise.

But the real reason we've stopped arguing about this is because I've started trimming your nails after you've gone to sleep. They don't magically get shorter in the morning.

It can't be that bad if you don't even wake up.

Those onion rings had squid in.

Those chicken nuggets had scampi in.

I didn't really phone Santa, but I wish I could!

Broccoli- trees
Cauliflower- white trees
Sprouts- baby cabbages

Wee willy winky isn't real, I just tell you that so you go to flipping sleep!

DD (4) - when you won't go to sleep at night and the 'fairies' ring Mummy's phone to speak to you, it's actually your dad speaking in a high pitched voice. something your 2 year old brother cottoned onto immediately with the response 'stop it daddy! Stop being silly!'

CDs by Queen would actually work in the CD player in Daddy's car.

i dont even have kids and love this thread! mum used to mash cauliflower into mashed potato and put cabbage water in gravy to try and get some veg into us

Oh yes and when I tell you to put your finger/hand/toe in your mouth when you've hurt it a teeny bit and a cuddle/kiss hasn't stopped the crying it's not because it'll take the pain away it's because the crying/screaming noise is reduced/stops while you do it.

If I unscrew your belly button, your legs won't really drop off.

No, of course I didn't put mushrooms in

The cat didn't eat the last doughnut.

Balloon, so it does the opposite of Crawley's (Good Omens) CD player then?

Aww demented that's one of my favourite ones.

My dad drummed it into us so much that for years if anyone prodded my belly button I'd get shooting pains in my arse cheeks!

Ds I don't have a shrinking cap like grandpa from cbeebies. I know what's going on in school because my friend works in the office.

Currently 22 weeks pregnant and taking notes for the future

pagwatch, we too had a lot of 'chicken', 'tuna chicken', 'pork chicken' etc in our house. Thankfully DD now eats a good variety of foods that don't have to bare a relation to chicken.

That red tractor toy I swear blind never existed? It did. I stood on it and couldn't fix it so I had to bin it. I did try to replace it but was not up for paying £25 for the pleasure.

DS and DD1 your dad hasn't really placed a hidden camera upstairs even though sometimes we would like to

Also I too have no idea what happens when I finish counting (I count down from 5), but as you know when I start I'm being serious so you do as your told it doesn't really matter. Yet.

Luckily I don't have to hide veg as my kids will eat it (although DS doesn't want to), DD1's favourite food is sprouts (wierd child)