hey kids, let me tell you a little secret, love Mum...

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I hear you, you hate carrots, they're yucky yucky yucky andyou never want to have them.

That cheesey mash I make that you love so much? It aint that colour cos of cheese. IIt's that colour because it's 50% carrot.

You always ask for seconds,

While I have your attention, that crazy frog toy didn't break. I took out the batteries before I went stark raving mad.

Nobody ever eats more than 2 chocolate buttons at a time. 2 chocolate buttons is a massive amount of chocolate. Any more in one go and your teeth will go black and drop out. How many do I eat in one go? I have magic teeth that grow back.

DD, Marley dies, the film doesn't end where I stop it and I'm just like Phoebe's Grandmother

Also, that plastic dolls house that you saw in the charity shop that was "just like yours" and you wanted to buy it to keep at Nana's house....... Actually was yours .......

Dd (25) Hill sheep are not real .... yes I know we said
they had 2 legs shorter than other 2 so they don, t roll off the hill and I know that you believed us when we had admitted it all was a lie when you were 18
But its not my fault that your boyfriend told you that we were double bluffing you and it was true .....
Really darling all sheep have same length legs even if they live on hills and now darling boyfriend is lying not mum and dad

Dd, I wasn't in status quo before you were born. That man on my tour t shirt isn't me playing guitar with my friends when I was in a band, it's Francis Rossi.
Those YouTube videos I showed you that really impressed you weren't me either, I have no idea how to play a guitar, which is why I fumble about pretending to tune up your pink one until you get bored.
I fully intend to tell you about my little white lie soon, but your hero worship of daddy's band is just a little too good to let go of just yet.

The flashing lights on the broadband hub isn't actually Father Christmas checking up on you

DS Billy the pasta shell didnt really turn into a pasta shell because he ate too much pasta. That piece of pasta I kept in the cupboard didnt warn you about the perils of excess consumption. Im just a good ventriloquist

Ds green mash doesnt come from green potatoes. It had peas in it.

You know that branded cereal you loved and would never eat anything else.it was Aldis own brand I just swapped the packets

DD There isnt a child eating monster in the cellar. See above for ventriloquist skills

Dd the burglar alarms arent spies for father xmas

Sonflar isnt the naughtiest swear word in the world .

That 'fish man' that comes
Down the street playing loud songs actually sells I've creams

These are too funny.

I do the counting thing, also the ice cream van thing.

Mummy special cereal isn't nothing special it's just the box I keep my nice chocolate in :)

DS1, those uber skinny jeans you got last Christmas were actually from the girls section!! And those blocks of milk chocolate in the cupboard aren't really used for mummy's cooking, I just like to eat them without you bending my bloody ears all night!

No those circular things on the ceiling with the little light aren't Santa Cams. They're smoke alarms. But it stopped you mid tantrum didn't it?