hey kids, let me tell you a little secret, love Mum...

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I hear you, you hate carrots, they're yucky yucky yucky andyou never want to have them.

That cheesey mash I make that you love so much? It aint that colour cos of cheese. IIt's that colour because it's 50% carrot.

You always ask for seconds,

While I have your attention, that crazy frog toy didn't break. I took out the batteries before I went stark raving mad.

I didn't get a new grey hair every time I had to tell you off. Even you aren't that naughty.

(Worked until early teens when I confessed!)

Well, I haven't yet had any DC yet, but.

Dear DM and DF,

I now realise that for all those years, DF wasn't going to his car to "listen to music and eat peppermints", like I believed until embarassingly late in life. He was smoking.

Now I realise that those sheep in trucks you pointed out when we were driving to the coast weren't going on holiday. The fact you pointed it out every time kind of disturbs me, but not as much as realising what was actually happening to them.

The swimming pool is actually open every day, rather than between 2 and 4 on Saturdays or between 4 and 6 on the occasional Friday.

Our TV isn't actually as temperamental as all that; it's just that I switch off any programmes I find overly annoying which is most of them

dd the corners of a toblerone aren't so sharp that tbey would cut a child's tender mouth

and the cameras on the traffic lights aren't tracking all your behaviour for santa

Lovely 11 year old DS - you know the other week when you begged me to make fajitas for dinner and I umm'd and ahh'd and eventually said OK but only if you agreed to do ALL the washing up?

We were having them anyway. Ha!

It is not only daddy's iPAD that will download Angry Birds and has a YouTube icon, and mummy's isn't really just a rubbish low-spec version

Mummy's don't always have to have the first sweet out the packet to make sure they are ok.

Love this thread!

If I unscrew your belly button your bum won't really drop off.

All those times when I said 'it was special baby growing food' was just because I didn't want to share my treat, they wouldn't have made you grow a baby had you eaten them, esp given you are boys!

Mums have to have the first bite of any chocolate to check its not poisonous...

DD1, the orange smarties don't really make little girls poorly, they are just mummies favourite.

dd the crust off the tiger bread isn't too tough for children's teeth....and doesn't contain any ground up tiger...

oh and you were right, it was a different goldfish not something in his food affecting his fin colour

and me and your dad aren't actually napping.

The park isn't really closed when it's raining

MIL: When I ask you to have DD overnight, and you unfailingly suggest midweek, and I insist it needs to be on the weekend? It's not so that your son and I can go out for a drink in the evening, it's so we can stay in bed shagging the following morning.

Lol at 5madthings!
4 yo DS recently told me "Mummy, you know, they don' t actually make poisonous ice cream".

Ds your eczema creams don't also happen to have magic dragon/ monster/ shark scaring away powers

Dear DC- Your Dad and I have had sex on more than the two occasions of conceiving you!

Nonono my parents did it twice (Christmas '75 and Valentines Day '79) and neither my sister nor I will be persuaded otherwise. And dad's 1980 vasectomy proves NOTHING.

Those people working in the supermarket, the ones with headphones on, they're not really checking all the children are being good.

The food from a rather well known fast food chain isn't p really poisonous....they believed that one for ages!!

Sorry only just stumbled across the thread...

... A carrot on a stick isn't a lolly...or a treat...

(Still get away with it and the DCs are 9 and 6! They don't call it a lolly now though!)

Yes DS2 that is the fish man who plays the music - shame he found out it's actually the ice cream man and he isn't playing the music to let you know he's sold out!

I haven't let you stayed up really really late I keep emergency episodes of the bedtime hour recorded and put them on early, you're actually going to bed early.

GENIUS.

Anyway, DS? You're really really tired and fighting sleep and you're off to bed early.
What's that, you're refusing?

Speaking as my 41 year old self that recently discovered that the special soup that my mum used to make me if I was good was actually a liquidised version of the liver, mashed potato and peas that everyone else was eating, on behalf of your children I would like to say, You Bastards!

Thank you and good night.

Oh, and dd1, the skin on your fish shop cod doesn't have to be peeled off before you eat it, it's just too nice for you so I eat it in the kitchen when you've gone to bed :)

Sod it, skin should have been batter!

Some great wheezes here.
Children's TV shows don't air after 7pm, and no, you didnt read that they did on the planner, that was just a malfunction
If you catch me in the pantry, chewing, I'm not eating chocolate at all, I was just checking my back teeth for holes.
Mummy and Daddy NEVER order Pizza after you've gone to bed.