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Original poster

hey kids, let me tell you a little secret, love Mum...

310 replies

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 28/07/2013 16:16

I hear you, you hate carrots, they're yucky yucky yucky andyou never want to have them.

That cheesey mash I make that you love so much? It aint that colour cos of cheese. IIt's that colour because it's 50% carrot.

You always ask for seconds,

While I have your attention, that crazy frog toy didn't break. I took out the batteries before I went stark raving mad.

OP posts:
Poledra · 29/07/2013 09:40

DDs, you know how Santa calls you every Christmas Eve to get you to go to bed? Well, that's your Great-Uncle, who you've rarely met as he lives abroad. Grandma calls him and gives him a run-down on what you've been doing before he calls, that's how come he knows so much about you.

Absy · 29/07/2013 11:13

I think all this wisdom should be saved - could we move this to Classics please?

maddy68 · 29/07/2013 11:26

When you tell a lie and I look into your eyes. I really can't see fibbers.
.... So when you screw your eyes up to avoid me seeing fibbers I have no idea that you are lying.....

Salmotrutta · 29/07/2013 11:28

This is so funny!

I can't remember any of mine now but these have made me laugh so hard!

I do tell my teenage pupils (for a laugh) that the little wifi gizmo on the ceiling is a SantaCam - and very sweetly some of them even believe it for a few seconds! Grin

Salmotrutta · 29/07/2013 11:28

I stole that from a colleague by the way!

amessagetoyouYoni · 29/07/2013 11:30

Most of the foods I say is 'really spicy' and 'you really wouldnt like' are actually tasty treats I want to keep to devour for when you are in bed.

Magnum lollies are not 'yucky' or 'not as nice as your mini milks in the freezer', either Wink

maddy68 · 29/07/2013 11:38

The fairies didn't really take your dummy for the new baby's be ause you were so big. Oh no ...

KittyLane1 · 29/07/2013 12:05

We haven't run out of face paint, I have run out of patience.

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 29/07/2013 12:39

Once on a family holiday in Thailand, as my DM was saying good night, what I later learned was a cockroach fell out my pillowcase. She promptly stabbed it with her high heel and flushed it down the loo. I nervously asked "was that a cockroach?", to which she briskly said "No don't be silly, go to bed". Believed her for years.

Anyway, we're moving this to classics!

queenebay · 29/07/2013 12:43

The naughty children's home for bad girls is really an sheltered housing complex!

DalekInAFestiveJumper · 29/07/2013 12:43

I once had the police called on me, because I was allowing ten-year-olds to drink soda at a cast party. Somebody's kid brother had been told that anything in a can was alcohol.

It was, I admit, a memorable party!

2kidsintow · 29/07/2013 12:55

Dear DDs - the infra red sensor from the house alarm on the landing isn't really a camera designed so we can always tell who is in the wrong when you have a row upstairs and we are downstairs.

(Actually, I think DD1 rumbled that one when she got to age 11)

ZipItShrimpy · 29/07/2013 13:26

Love all these! Smile

Ds and Dd, on the run up to christmas, I am surprised that neither of you have asked why there are so many boxes of 'vegetables' being delivered to the house.

The black coffee that your dad and I drink in the morning is actually diet coke. Mwahahahaha!

The bloody annoying electric guitar toy isn't actually broken, it just needs batteries but I will be damned if I ever have to listen to how much is that fucking doggy in the window again!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/07/2013 13:45

Ice packs cure everything.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 29/07/2013 13:51

Forgot another - it isn't necessarily true that when a plaster falls off that the "injury" is on the mend and the plaster has done its job, so another isn't needed. I just got fed up of buying boxes of plasters every week.

madoldbird · 29/07/2013 14:11

I lied when I said the ice cream van only plays it's music when it's run out of ice cream.

Those who drive convertibles are not poor people who cannot afford a roof for their car.

The playground does not shut at 5pm.

I am not actually ringing your new teacher and telling him all the bad things you've done during the school holidays.

Purplepassages · 29/07/2013 14:18

I'm not really tidying the cupboard... I'm hiding behind the cupboard door eating chocolate.

NameThatTuna · 29/07/2013 14:27

DD - I do know what that thing on a string in my bag is. It's tampax.

I just can't find the words to start that conversation.

And the chocolate from that party didn't go out of date. I ate it!

CoolItKittens · 29/07/2013 15:13

DD and DS2, you know the cameras in shops? They're not recording for Father Christmas to watch later. But while it stops you throwing tantrums and fighting in public, I'm going to keep telling you that's what they're for!

LillethTheCat · 29/07/2013 15:54

DS - I was always going to take you to the Air show at the weekend (it would have broken my heart not to) I just said I wasnt going to take you to get you to behave. Which is why you were always on your last warning.
We also often use the bad boys home where they have to work all day and only get one meal a day which consists of Gruel and water when there is nothing recent to bribe them with.

We have a black cat and once we told DS we also had a white cat who was often out on a day and only came in at night. He told DD1 and they both appeared to believe that for ages.

HollyMadison · 29/07/2013 16:20

The iPad doesn't actually run out of batteries after two episodes of Peppa Pig.

BiddyPop · 29/07/2013 16:28

For about 5 years, DD thought the ice cream van (for she DID know that's what it was) only played it's song when it had run out of ice cream. So we rarely had her asking for ice cream despite it calling every night at bedtime to our street.

Luckily, she now knows she gets plenty of nice treats otherwise, and that we can't spend all our money on ice cream, but we usually have mini icebergers in the freezer which she prefers to cones - and as we allow her a "treat" at bedtime (she is SOOO skinny she needs some extra fats in her diet) of a cookie or an ice cream with her milk and tablets, she doesn't go looking for it. (And I won't let her take a whole apple to bed because of the core left there for weeks - but she loves having an apple chopped into chunks so when she is still "hungry" 30 minutes after bedtime, I may cave in and offer her a bowl of apple chunks - I don't mind that even if I take a few minutes to agree to it, because it is usually ALL eaten up because of the fight she goes through to get it) Grin

BiddyPop · 29/07/2013 16:33

"Magic water" is also a great curer of all manner of bumps. It's the failsafe of the almost non-existent first aid kit at the local sportsclub (there is a proper FAK, but not always obvious when needed, but magic water rubbed on bumps and cuts is usually plenty to sort it out - and I do say that as a properly trained first aider and the occupational first aider at work!).

slug · 29/07/2013 16:49

Those special chocolates that Daddy buys me and you can't have because they are full of 'booze' are really just posh chocs he got on sale and we want all for ourselves.

Honestly, 11 years old, Level 6 in SATS and it does not occur to you to read the ingredient list???

SleepyFish · 29/07/2013 16:52

I forgot one.

Ds, I don't really have eyes in the back of my head. There's a baby monitor in your room that I turn on when you go upstairs with your friends which is how I know who started the inevitable argument.
So please stop tugging my hair looking for them.

Feel I should mention ds is 5 not 15, that would be weird.