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Original poster

Almighty gaffes you have made

322 replies

LuisSuarezTeeth · 24/07/2013 09:54

I work with the elderly and people with various disabilities. This week I have surpassed myself and made things so much worse by apologising profusely.

To the gentleman without legs: Would you like to go for a walk?

To the partially sighted lady: Yes I see

To the gentleman who has dementia: Do you remember..?

I feel just terrible, wretched and awful. I am normally so tactful, but have had a rotten week. They were all so nice about it and the gentleman with no legs kept cracking his own jokes.

But really, I am so embarrassed.

Please tell me I am not the only one Blush

OP posts:
MrsPercyPig · 25/07/2013 20:47

When I left university my first job was as a trainer for B&Q. I had to use the store intercom system to get an employee called Edward Rankin to come to the training room.

My PA announcement;

"Edward's Wanking in the training room"

I actually said it twice and never lived it down!

Blush
KateSpade · 25/07/2013 21:02

As a child of about 8/9 whilst playing with the older kids on the street I told one of them that his mother was a gold digger, after hearing it from my parents & not knowing what it meant!

bottleofbeer · 25/07/2013 21:26

We were buying a new hob from someone who was selling one. She bred those lassie dogs and showed them etc... There were chickens roasting in the oven and she told us she only fed these dogs roast chicken to which my husband says "oh, they must eat better than your husband!" to which she replies "no, he died last month". Tit!

Another time we were in a big park with the kids and I saw a man on this strange looking bike that was really low to the ground which he kind of rowed with his hands. I thought it was fab and shouted "I want one of those!" my husband told me to shut up and he had it because he had no legs.

Original poster
LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/07/2013 21:29

Katya - pmsl! Poor thing, and you!

OP posts:
ShimmeringInTheSun · 25/07/2013 22:03

percypig
My PA announcement

Edward's Wanking in the training room

I actually said it twice and never lived it down!

I have just spent a good five minutes shaking with laughing/wheezing and trying not to fall off my chair!

My gaffe - as a student nurse,I was admitting a lovely elderly lady onto the ward and noticed she still had her hat on in bed.
Knowing how warm it was and trying to impress the ward sister I took hold of it saying as I lifted it, that I would just pop it into her bedside locker.......and froze!
It wasn't a hat, it was a well washed, well felted wig, and she was totally bald underneath.

Mortification still haunts me today, and the ward sisters eyes still burn into my fast retreating back!

AnneElliott · 25/07/2013 22:55

I had hysterics in court when I was meant to be presenting a case. Solicitors hadn't filed the bundle ( this was a normal occurrence) however the judge was new and she was not happy. She kept saying how appalled she was and so did the barrister. Both kept repeating the term "I'm appalled' over and over like in the Yes Minister series.
I could feel myself going to laugh and then the judge asked me what I thought. "I'm appalled' I said before I snorted over my documents and had hysterics. I was sent out to compose myself. I think the public in the room thought I was truly mad. Colleagues did not let me forget that and it was brought up in my leaving speech.

wharrgarbl · 25/07/2013 23:11

Middle Ages, I can't breathe for laughing!

chipmonkey · 25/07/2013 23:15

Not me but a colleague

When dealing with a client called Mr Hancock, she emerged into a busy waiting room and called out for "Mr Hardcock!"
Well the handwriting on the file left a lot to be desired.......

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 26/07/2013 07:54

One of my sister's - she was in a noisy pub, sitting with a bloke she knew. He was talking to her but because of the band, she couldnt hear a word. Knowing he was a bit of a joker, she decided the best thing to do was to nod and smile and laugh every time his mouth stopped moving.

Anyway, he went away and the bloke whod been sitting next to him leaned in really close and informed my sister that the friend had been telling her all about his terrible motorbike accident, which had nearly killed him and left him disabled.

FruOla · 26/07/2013 08:16

This wasn't me, but a client. I used to work for an EA; one day both the vendor of a house (a rather eccentric lady) and the purchaser (a gentleman with a disability to his right arm, which he couldn't use) were in our office at the same time (never having met before). The negotiator dealing with the sale/purchase introduced them to each other. The woman held out her right hand to shake hands, the gentleman held out his left hand saying "I can't use my right hand, I have to shake with my left".

Rather than just swopping hands and shaking with her left, she looked at his right arm, hanging by his side, and said "oh, how ... errr ... quaint".

Quaint? The rest of us could barely keep a straight face - but I bet the poor woman felt absolutely mortified.

ZingWidge · 26/07/2013 11:05

fruola I had to check "quaint" in dictionary.

then I cringedGrin

GhostsInSnow · 26/07/2013 11:29

Nowhere near as good as some of these but here goes.

When I was about 15 my Dad worked for a hardware store. One night he came home and handed me a badge from Crown Paints. It said 'Happy Birthday Crown' on it. Not wanting to offend I pinned it to my pencil case along with my Metallica badges etc.

Next morning was assembly. We had to stand to pray and as I stood up I unfortunately trod on my bag in which was my pencil case. Quite why my Dad hadn't demonstrated the badge playing 'Happy Birthday To You' in a high pitched squeal I don't know, but there it was. The entire school turned to stare at me, the bloody thing had no off switch and I just had to stand there smiling whilst 2 choruses of Happy Birthday played out to all 650 pupils and of course, it echoed in the hall.

Blush
ZingWidge · 26/07/2013 11:58

Charlie Grin

GinGuzzler · 26/07/2013 12:18

This has to go in classics!!!

MeanAndMeasley I am howling at the thought of you doing that announcement Grin

Original poster
LuisSuarezTeeth · 26/07/2013 12:23

Oh these are brilliant Grin

OP posts:
InGloriousTechnicolor · 26/07/2013 12:48

This was about 10 years ago but still makes me cringe.

My boyfriend's mother broke her wrist and had a cast. I saw her a few weeks later when her wrist was nearly mended and said 'Are you looking forward to having it off?'

I mean the CAST. Are you looking forward to having the CAST off.

Oh man. She wasn't even amused either.

Ishouldanoticed · 26/07/2013 12:49

So im escorting you to the electric chair am i

Grin Grin Grin

SunshineBossaNova · 26/07/2013 13:35

When I was a teenager I had a friend who lived in a shared flat. One time I visited I was desperate for a pee and he turfed his mate out of the bath so I could use the loo.

A few weeks later working at the counter of a busy chipshop. I realised I recognised the person - then blurted out 'I nearly didn't recognise you, the last time I saw you you only had a towel on.'

He didn't find it nearly as funny as the other people in the queue.

sashh · 26/07/2013 13:51

AtYourCervix

At least you were using the limb leads, not just sticking them on chest and shoulders like some lazy so and sos.

Me - "you're a real slave driver aren't you?" to an African student.

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges · 26/07/2013 14:09

wharrgarb and Gin Oh it was hysterical - just the way these confused faces kept popping around the corner wondering what the hell I was up to, like meerkats, and the fact that by the end it was like I was turning on the tannoy purely so I could cackle like a madwoman to the whole store. I was utterly helpless - you know that really insane laughter where you loose all control and are making really weird noises and gulping and snorting, and every time you think you're on top of it it hits you in a wave of mad giggling again. I sounded like Edmund Blackadder in Series 1.

GhostsInSnow · 26/07/2013 14:19

Not me, but I once watched my Mum toss a £1 coin into a charity collectors cup of tea.

He was about to take a swig as she walked past. Not sure how she missed the large collecting bucket on his knee but I scuttled off at lightning speed and left her there Grin

willyoulistentome · 26/07/2013 14:21

Oh God - I still cringe at an awful phone conversation I had 30 years ago with a complete stranger while a bit pissed as a teenager. My parents were away on holiday and I had been attacking the drinks cupboard. Was slightly pissed when the phone went and it was a friend of my parents from London asking if someone could try to track down the daugther of another friend who was doing seasonal waitressing work at a big famous festival close to where we lived ( not in London) . Her grandmother had died unexpectedly and her family were trying to contact her. Incredibly after a few calls, I managed to track her down and TOLD her that her grand father had died. There was a long pause and then she said - 'both my grandfathers are already dead'..still a bit pissed ( and in my defence, a stupid tactless teen) ..I merrily said - 'Oh well it must be your grandmother then'. She rang off and I never spoke to her again. I happily called the original friend of my parents and said I had got hold of the daughter and told her her grandmother was dead, at which my Parents' friend said 'You didn't TELL her did you?? You were only meant to ask her to phone home.'

God - the same!!

ZingWidge · 26/07/2013 14:25

not me but a friend's mum.

my friend had benn looking for his brand new, expensive trainers, slightly scuffed in one particular place. no luck.
a few days later his mate came over wearing his shoes!Shock

it turned out that his mum didn't recognize the new shoes and istead of asking she decided to take them down to the charity shop where that mate bought them for peanuts!Grin

Peetle · 26/07/2013 14:40

Had a particularly scruffy lecturer at college. One day he turned up wearing a neat suit and black tie, eliciting much hilarity from my course mates. I yelled out "Has someone died ?". Of course they had, he'd just come from his friend's funeral.

As the words were leaving my lips I'd realised my error and he ended up thinking it was someone behind me who'd said it. But I still felt awful and have never made a joke like that again.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/07/2013 16:12

'Me - "you're a real slave driver aren't you?" to an African student.' Shock Grin