Mumsnet top 40

[LassieGoHome]

To the tune of I wanna dance with somebody

Clocks strikes upon the hour,
And the buns begin to fade.
Still enough time to figure out,
How to put my away.
I've done alright up 'til now,
It's the Daily Fail that shows me how,
And when the night falls, AIBU calls.

Oh! I wanna chat with somebody.
I wanna shoot the breeze with somebody.
Yeah! I wanna chat with somebody,
And be told YANBU.

Oh Talc I have been awaiting your arrival.

Cuba of Poo-a by the Gibson Brothers

Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a

A poo on the conveyor - right next to her mate
She looked and said "what's that - is it some pate?"

Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a
Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a

It came from the nappy - sliced through the troll-ee
A perfect cube of poo for all to see

Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a
Cuba - a little cube of Poo-a

Talc Bravo!

Bump

We have to do a Mumsnet Christmas album. Really.

We need MNHQ to sort it

"Her name is Lola,
she is a mamma,
with greasy greying hair
and a dress with sick in there.
the fridge is empty
and No Banana...."

( Copacabana)

I'm wide awake, you're in my arms and screaming
You're in pain, coz you are teething,
But it's 4 am! I'm seething..
We tried Dentinox, Bonjela and Calgel
Desperately begging Mumsnet for an answer
Coz every moment spent like this makes me feel like a failure!

I really wanna close my eyes,
I just wanna fall asleep
Would do anything, babe
But I won't put you in a sling!
I'm running out of patience now
I wanna help you, tell me how
Would do anything, but
I'm not driving and I won't sing!

Lying in my bed hyperventilating,
And I'm wondering what you're feeling
Why the fuck you are not sleeping
Then I realize
it's 5am! I'm crying!
I just want to end this night, because this is a nightmare
a nightmare, a nightmare

I really wanna close my eyes...

(Aerosmith)

Please may I add my "Mumsnet Prayer"

Our Mumsnet, who art in HQ,
YABU be thy name
Thy biscuits come,
They will ge gone, with gin,
Naice ham and froot shoots
Give us this day our daily parking thread
And forgive us our sweariness
As we forgive trolls that trespass against us
And lead us not into the bunfight
But deliveries from waitrose
For greggs sausage rolls
The Pombears and the bumsex

Olivia, Olivia

"Ahem!"

I apologise to anybody who may have found my above post offensive. It was not meant as derogatory in any way and I was not making fun of the Lords Prayer.

I did not mean to offend anyone. I am sorry.

I am not offended, I am amused

If that helps.

Ahem MNHQ, why is this not in classics yet, you cannot let these creative songs get deleted

Shaky I was thinking of doing one the same but thought I'd end up been flamed!

Amazingmum that Aerosmith is awesome, is beautifully captured the despair of the sleepless night

thanks Fandago - I wrote it a while ago. after a crap night of about 2 hours of sleep!

(obviously added the Mumsnet bit to fit )

I never thought I could ever "publish" it - it was only for my amusement.

I should have added that he band who sings my version is callled "Aerosick"

To the tune of KILLER QUEEN, by, er, Queen:

She hides Vino and chocolate
In her kitchen cabinet
'Have a biscuit' she says
'But OP, Welcome to Mumsnet!'
If there is no remedy
Go for AIBU jeopardy
At anytime an invitation
We can't decline

Fruit shoots on Mumsnet?
You're not versed in etiquette
But we still may be nice

We're the Mumsnet Queens
Sometimes nice and sometimes mean
Dynamite with an L.T.B
Guaranteed to post all night
and Anytime

Recommended by your friends
Who won't tell you their user names
Wanna try?

To avoid complications
She name changes when she's in the mood
In conversation
She says "Did you mean to be so rude?"
Met a man with red flags
And this group of MN hags
Will tell you to run away
Don't be that way inclined

Naice ham came naturally from Waitrose
For pombears we'll pay through the nose
Because they're terribly nice

We're the Mumsnet Queens
Sometimes nice and sometimes mean
Dynamite with an L.T.B
Guaranteed to post all night
and Anytime

Like to sporn or paint your fence like that
Don't give me a pear like that
If your DH is out of action
Need nice trousers for your ass
If your children drive you wild, wild.
MN's the one for you

We're the Mumsnet Queens
Sometimes nice and sometimes mean
Dynamite with an L.T.B
Guaranteed to post all night
and Anytime

Recommended by your mates
Bitching at the playground gates
You wanna try...

To the tune of "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry

There's a froot shoot in my bed
Thers a tin hat on my head
Pombears all over the room
Oh Fuck Rucksack in the pool
I smell like a cube of poo
Olivia's passed out in the yard
Naice ham on the barbecue

This a biscuit or a quiche?
Pictures of my thread
Reported to hq
I'm banned
Oh hell
It's a deleted post
But I'm pretty sure I'm flamed
Damn

Last Friday night
Yeah we posted on drunk thread
And we wore our flame proof suits
Think I flounced but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we started parking threads
And we threw too many buns
So we hunted out the trolls

Last Friday night
We went to centre parks
Had bumsex in the dark
Then had yoni massage

Last Friday night
Yeah I think we changed user names
Always say we're gonna sock puppet

Whoa oh

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again

Trying not to click on links
Don't know what dragon butter is
Think I lost my MN scarf
Hooked my judgy pants too high
Passive aggressive on the boards
MN haircut just looks shit
Think I need greggs sausage roll
That was such an epic post

Last Friday night
Think I called somebody Hun
Got offended
Threw a bun
Think we logged off but I forgot

Last Friday night
We bought twigs and pebbly shit
Left the bastard, he's a tit
So we drank all of the gin

Last Friday night
We saw Terry Wogans cock
Needed brain bleach, it's not fair
Now I think I'm scarred for life

Last Friday night
Yeah I was unreasonable
Always say ODFOF

Whoa oh
This Friday night
Do it all again

jeff I think I love you

should have gone Hendrix

"Wild Jeff

• I think I love you
• I wanna know for sure. .."

To the tune of the Addams family

There's Justine and theres Helen
Theres Rebecca and theres Rowan
An Olivia and some Ahems
The Mumsnet family

apologies to those who I have missed out, I'm not good with names

Talc I love the album design :o

If you see a post and don't want to smile,
If the OP is a little wild,
Click on report and make our day,
We can take all the bad posts away.

Don't stop, clicking on report,
Don't stop, we'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
That post has gone, that posters gone.

Why not think about posters to come,
And not about the things that went wrong,
If the trolls are bad to you,
Click report and call MNHQ.

Don't stop, clicking on report,
Don't stop, we'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
That post has gone, that posters gone.

This is now in Classics - thanks for the suggestion.

Ta very muchly Rebecca a lady of good taste and talent.

Rebecca, that's ace. And thank you! I've been here 6/7 years and this is only my second Classics thread