I pooed on my skirt at work today

[silverbay]

Namechange

I am not a poo troll.

I almost never poo at work. Today was an 'upset tummy' day.

I was wearing a rather huge, billowy Maxi skirt and I must have lost track of exactly where it all was while on loo. Nasty.

Had to do damage limitation with looroll in the cubicle, then stealthy washing in handbasin, all the while praying no-one would come in.

I got away with it.

I have a feeling you aren't going to believe me.

[RightUpMyRue]

A wet pebble!!!

LMAO

[AdornMeWithSparkle]

cupofbrownjoy actual LOL at cleaning yourself with a wet pebble!!
No leaves or grass?
I think I would have gone with my hand and then left it in the stream for many minutes to be thoroughly rinsed!

[CupOfBrownJoy]

honestly I don't how the wet pebble looked like the least worst option but to be fair I was under a lot of stress at the time....

"on the kitchen floor. In front of the children eating their breakfast."
TTVOE please explain how that happened??

[ShatnersBassoon]

Wet pebble!!!

That has really made me laugh very, very loudly.

[Wallace]

love AlexReid's typo - shat in her pants and had to tie a jumper round her WASTE!

[rosycheeksmum]

I once went for a pee and the bow at the back of my knickers had come untied, it trailed in the pee without me realising and as I walked back into the office it dripped pee on the carpet as I walked.

[ShatnersBassoon]

Just remembered I have a flatulent mother story.

My mum had had a pretty awful stomach bug when stopping at our house, and ended up collapsing. We called an ambulance, and when they arrived, she was conscious but confused and retching into a washing up bowl. With every retch, she was releasing Tommy Squealers and after every one she said to the ambulance man "I'm so sorry Alan". We have no idea what the man's name was, but the chances of it being Alan are extremely slim

[lepetitchoufleur]

Ah so funny! I farted in that loud enough to be heard but obviously tried to sneak it out way in a supermarket once and then could NOT stop laughing. I got a few disgusted looks from peeps with no sense of humour.

[DoingTheBestICan]

Absolutely the best thread ever,pissing myself laughing,reminds me of going shopping with my mum in m&s,she was looking at the men's jumpers for a gift for my dad and I was in the next aisle,I could hear a massively loud bubbly fart,I looked up and could see my mum's shoulders shaking from laughing.
There was a man stood in my aisle who gave me the most disgusted look and he flounced off, mum was pissing herself laughing at me,still don't know who did the fart but I feel sorry for whoever did it cos there tummy must have been killing them.

[CupOfBrownJoy]

"I'm so sorry Alan"

I'm ROFL at that

[vix1980]

Im loving these stories... im ashamed to admit this especially as ive never actually even farted in front of my dp of 11 yrs, but here goes...

we'd been out for a curry on friday night so dp stays over (still living with parents back then), the next morning i really needed to fart but being ladylike held it in till i got to the toilet, once i sat down though i literally couldnt of stopped if id wanted to, thought it would never end at 1 point, but thankfully it did, so wiped and stood up, thought no more of it till i went downstairs to get a drink.

id been downstairs for a while watching tv when dp got up, i heard him go into the toilet and scream in horror, he came down to tell me someone had pooed on the bathroom floor, thinking it was the cat or something i went to have a look and there it was a bit of runny poo on the toilet mat, he then stared at me and asked if it was me, i kept saying no and blamed my dad, it was then he pointed laughing at my pants... id obviously stood up to wipe and a bit had fallen on the floor and on my pants, i was mortified beyond belief and started crying! thankfully he never saw the chair seat id been sat on downstairs, i made sure i got to it in time!

luckily he still loves me (plus ive got 1 or 2 stories on him now)

[getagoldtoof]

Never told anyone this either and always wanted to get it off my chest. Was on holiday in Devon with my entire family when about 10 years old. We were on the beach and there were no loo facilities for miles around - I would have had to traipse back to the campsite.

I became so desperate for a dump that I couldn't cope any longer. I swam out as far as I could, miles from the shore and had a big shit where no one could see. I thought it would just sink away but it bobbed back up to face me. Floating there in front of me, the product of my bowel . I sort of had to bat it away to get past it and swim back to shore.

Ghad that feels better!

[TheTenuousVoiceofExperience]

Cupof - honestly it was really easy. I was getting over a d&v bug, and standing at the Aga waiting for the kettle to boil. Released what I thought would be an airy trump but instead crapped on the floor.

I was wearing a dressing gown and a thong which made its passage to the floor that little bit easier. I did get some down my leg too. I think I was as surprised as they were - it literally splatted out.

So glad I'm on a namechange phase... (wanders out whistling)

[vix1980]

my mums partners name is alan, if i ever hear her say "im so sorry alan" i think i may shit, cry and laugh all in one go. that phrase has just made my night!

also just thought of a farting story, my brother and myself where always at my nans house as kids and she would often fart but nobody was allowed to mention it ever, even though we all knew it came from her, 1 day milkman came to the door for his money, she walked down her long hall opened the door and said il go get my purse, as she walked back down the hall she farted with each step, we saw the milkmans face through the open door in horror, what was worse was that she managed to stop while getting her purse out but then started up again as she walked back down the hall towards him, he took the money and just left sharpish. she never mentioned it and just quietly came into the room to carry on watching her programme while me and my bro sat there with shoulders shuddering dying to laugh.

we cried with laughter when we got home and told our mum about it!

[DoingTheBestICan]

A pebble,wipes tears away,I love this thread.

Just remembered a poo one from ds,he was only about 3mths old and I was changing him and letting some air get to his bum,the door bell went,I picked him up and went to answer it,it was the postman,ds promptly Shit all over me and it was literally dripping onto the floor.
Mr postman made his excuse and left me to it,it was everywhere

[lucjam]

After I had DS (by c section) I had a massive drop in blood pressure due to a huge internal bleed, whilst being examined by doctor who was listening to my abdomen with a stethoscope I farted a LOT, pretty much in her face! I tried to stop it but due to epidural couldn't, I was laughing a lot and every time I laughed I farted which made me laugh even more, ad infinitum!! Worse thing was the farts were really wet because I was bleeding/had lots of fluid down there! Neither the doctor nor the midwife cracked a smile. I apologised, but the be honest I couldn't have care less. Then I pretty much flaked out due to blood pressure of 20/40, that's when they took me to intensive care.

[swiftybaby]

I am hysterical. ' I am sorry alan' is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time

[MrsDeeBee]

Thank you all so much for your stories.

Crying with laughter.

So funny.

[walkingcarefully]

My dad sent a retired builder friend to our house for a rough estimate of work needing done.

The man, seeing he had a captive audience, got ripped into stories of every ailment he had ever had. House was forgotten.
As we moved round to the front of the house, he let off what had to be the longest fart I ever heard. He walked and farted. Where anyone kept so much fart is beyond me.
Dh never let on he heard it.

I had to go inside and lay on the floor crying and laughing. They came in to the house, ignored me and he farted going up each step.

I took hysterics then.

[shockedballoon]

Once at work a male colleague went for what he thought would be a fairly discreet work poo - went in one of the toilets that was out the way etc. However once finished he realised there was no loo roll. He txtd another male colleague asking to bring him some, who promptly dissolved into giggles and told the whole office. Naturally, we all joined the guffaws...

Whilst he was off locating & delivering some, a student on placement with us piped up with a story about her friend, who when on a hiking trip had been at a party the night before and as a result had a bit of a dodgy belly.
Anyway, he had the 'Got to go' moment and after dashing being some rocks, realised he had no tissue paper... But did have a ham sandwich...
He took the ham out and used the non buttered side of the bread....

At this point in the story we were all literally on the floor crying laughing.... Then original paper-free pooer came back in the office feigning an air of nonchalance, sending us all in to further gales of laughter and him to be very red faced!

Just typing that has brought it all back and made me

[WipsGlitter]

"I had to clean myself with a wet pebble" - brilliant!

Mine is revolting, at Uni, rushed to loo before a lecture, light wasn't working, did my wee, rushed to lecture. All the way through I was sure I had sat in something wet. End of lecture asked friend if there was a wet patch on my skirt. Went to different loo (where light was working), pulled tights down and found someone elses poo stuck on the back of my thigh. They'd shat on the seat and I sat on it.

[Bohica]

I juts woke my DH up laughing at this thread!

[callmemrs]

Oh god I can't be arsed to name change. Was reminded of this by the tampon story unthread.

One year, doing my Christmas shopping in M and S I went to the loo to change my tampon. Very heavy flow at the time. Very busy in loos- queuing out of the door. Eventually get into cubicle, pull on tampon, unfortunately flow was so heavy that string was sopping and slippery. Tampon goes flying out of my hand and out under cubicle door!! Cue gasps and OMG from ladies in queue.

Needless to say, I remained in the cubicle as long as I dared, then held my head high and strode out to the washbasin, ignoring the streak of red across the floor and the tampon lying by the bin .

[badtasteflump]

Is there really such thing as a 'poo troll'?

Are there poo trolling threads? Someone please send me a link to jazz up my Friday night