I pooed on my skirt at work today

[silverbay]

Namechange

I am not a poo troll.

I almost never poo at work. Today was an 'upset tummy' day.

I was wearing a rather huge, billowy Maxi skirt and I must have lost track of exactly where it all was while on loo. Nasty.

Had to do damage limitation with looroll in the cubicle, then stealthy washing in handbasin, all the while praying no-one would come in.

I got away with it.

I have a feeling you aren't going to believe me.

[imablackstarnotapopstar]

You what?????

[JustAnIdiot]

Perhaps it's shit

[leftwiththedognow]

Its December. Fuck off.

[wilmawhalecantswim]

not sure if this belongs on this thread or the other (dead) poo thread (wow there's something I never thought I'd say) in classics but this memory HAUNTS me to this day and I feel like I need to get it out anonymously somewhere, I've been a MN regular before and only now feel like I can bring this up . I feel AWFUL about this and I swear to every deity there is ever that I'm not trolling or anything, I was just fucking stupid and thinking about this genuinely makes me want to keel over.

When I was young, about seven, I used to spend all my time playing outdoors with the neighbour's kids. The back gardens were laid out in such a way so that I could enter their backyard from mine and both houses overlooked their respective gardens. My mother used to go out and let the neighbour mind me, and vice versa. Well on this particular day my friend needed a wee, I said okay come into my house... only to find that my mother had gone out without telling me and the door was locked. Its okay, says my friend, thinking she can just go into her house to go - so we both go in, troop upstairs... to find friend's dad (the only adult in the house) was in the bathroom having a shower and told us to wait until he was finished. Why no one told us he was in charge, or to, you know, go inside before they left, I don't know.
Friend agreed, we went back outside to play but she was desperate at that point - and the only solution the pair of us could come up with was for her to wee in a beach bucket so - balanced on this tiny bucket in the corner of the garden - she did so. Can't remember what we did with it when it was full, I think we just spilled it onto the grass and rinsed it from the outdoor tap.

The whole arrangement of us being left while our mothers went out became a regular occurrence and so... so did our 'bucket toilet'. . Bear in mind it was a tiny pound shop bucket... so after a while of being sat on and lugged around by three kids it snapped and was thrown out. Except one day, playing out as usual (alone this time)... I needed to go and not for a wee! Thought nothing of it, went towards the house - door locked. Sense of deja vu... I went over into the neighbours to see if I could use their toilet - again - the bathroom door was locked and I was told I wasn't allowed to use it. So I went back outside, growing desperate... thinking what I could do... My friend's father was a builder and was renovating - and so he had a large cement bucket in the garden.... I'm sure you can guess what I did.... yep... squatted on it, did the deed .... then, faced with the dilemma of what to do with... 'it' i... tipped the full bucket over the wall into the garden over thinking it would be okay because they had a dog and would believe the dog had done it .

I was terrified afterwards thinking I was going to (rightly!) get a bollocking... I didn't. BUT. A few weeks later my friend pulled me - bear in mind that the house overlooks the gardens and when I defiled their bucket I was alone - and said oh by the way my mum isn't happy with you, she saw you mooning her through the window. but nothing was ever said of it, ever, not by my friend's mother or by my parents. How or why, I don't know because their mother had seen me 'mooning' her through the window so surely she KNEW what I was doing... and surely the neighbour wondered why her tiny dog was producing monster sized shits

[MauveMagnolia]

@wilmawhalecantswim

FFS another sad little poo troll resurrecting an ancient poo troll thread

Wank away you sad little man- wank away.