I pooed on my skirt at work today

[silverbay]

Namechange

I am not a poo troll.

I almost never poo at work. Today was an 'upset tummy' day.

I was wearing a rather huge, billowy Maxi skirt and I must have lost track of exactly where it all was while on loo. Nasty.

Had to do damage limitation with looroll in the cubicle, then stealthy washing in handbasin, all the while praying no-one would come in.

I got away with it.

I have a feeling you aren't going to believe me.

[drywhiteplease]

In their defence I don't think they knew I had knocked self out and were trying to be discreet and leave me alone in a stressful moment.prob felt awkward being there.but funnily enough they are not friends of mine any more!

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

Dry white, seriously, they left you unconscious on the floor with 2children
and left???? Did they know you were knocked out???

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

drywhite, I do hope that these are now former friends!

Hecate, we want both stories, of course! :o

[RunOrRioja]

At Uni was watching a friend play in a five a side final, he was goalkeeper. Just after the second half started he went in for a lunge to kick the ball out. He did it then ran straight to referee. Game called off for five minutes.

Poor friend had shat himself. This was in year one of a three year course. He was and is forever known as "you know Jim, the one who shat his pants"

Drywhite is that really true? Your friends left you? Unconscious and with a toddler and a baby?

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

Oops xpost with drywhite

Come on Hec fess up.

[ThisWeekonFancyPuffin]

Have posted this story before, but here goes Do not read if delicate ;

In my wild younger days, I had a one night stand with someone I knew from a nightclub. It was all very satisfying in my drunken haze.

Awoke the next morning (at his) hungover and shagged out. On looking over at the man, I realise i had gotten my period at some point that night. I realise this due to what can only be described as his beard of blood complete with a clot on his cheek like a little tear drop.

I scampered before he woke and never went back to that club

[StrawberrytallCAKE]

'if I move I'm going to poo' just cheered up my day hugely.

[JustHecate]

How did I guess?!

period - Went with my husband to meet some of his friends for the first time. This was early on in our relationship.

We spent a nice evening together, even when the wife of his friend asked me "what do whites eat?" and I told her jellied eels and pigs' trotters [going straight to hell emoticon]. I was wearing a lovely pair of creamish trousers.

Get to the end of the evening, and we are preparing to leave. I go to the loo. To discover I have started my period. Heavily. And my cream trousers are totally crimson all round the crotch area. They must have been looking at that all evening.

Poo - very very drunk/ill (drunk!) and on the loo but needed to vomit. Bent over the loo and began throwing up. So far so good. What's not so good is that while I was throwing up I was also having projectile diarrhoea. With every heave, out it came from both ends. Turned round and it was 3/4 of the way up the loo door. I was trying to clean it up off the door and floor but it was so disgusting that I vomited into it.

I have assorted farting in front of people stories, but, tbh, after that - they'd just be a huge disappointment.

[Blu]

I will never buy a waterfall cardigan or other long and drapey garment from a charity shop ever again.

[KisMittz]

Can we involve sick stories!?

On a train in Prague with a violent D and V bug. There were NO toilets on the train, and I was with students..... no carrier bags rather than pebble dash the packed train of, for some reason predominantly elderly women, I vomited copiously into my own top.
We then had a further train journey, a bus journey and a walk back to the hotel......
Where the bastards rest of my group scarpered to the nearest bar, leaving me, very ill, to clean myself up. weeping in a COLD shower......

[14UnitsMyArse]

[Gemtubbs]

I was in the living room talking to my sil, I was on the sofa and she was sitting on the floor. I accidently did a massive fart, which to my horror turned into a fanny fart iykwim. my sil was really offended and asked if I'd forgotten where I was or something. I'm laughing as I type this haha.

[Gemtubbs]

I forgot to say that it was more or less in my sil's face.

[maybeIwillmaybeIwont]

Gemtubbs :o:o:o

[gabsid]

I don't think I want to hear this!

[gabsid]

Sorry, read about this!

[Gemtubbs]

gabsid, you on the wrong thread. [:)]

[AgentProvocateur]

My poo story isn't as embarrassing, but I thought I'd share it anyway. I was in transit through heathrow when I was desperate for a poo. The DSs were about 4&5 so I left them with the luggage and strict instructions not to move. I went to the loo and had explosive diorrhea but when I flushed, the water level kept rising till it was level with the top of the bowl. Then the flush stopped working and the water level remained high.

By this time I was worried about the boys being left outside, but I was also conscious of a huge queue of women waiting for a cubicle.

I stayed as long as I could, but eventually just scarpered, found the DC and left the area.

[Gauchita]

Ggirl, I'm crying here with laughter! I can picture your mums face ha ha ha

[CupOfBrownJoy]

Great thread - I'm just going to leave my "farting mum" story before I finish reading....

I was doing Pilates next to my mum, in a big gym class. We were lying on the floor, in silence, all concentrating on doing those exercises where you lift one leg in the air and jiggle it about lots (sorry I'm sure there's a technical term but I only went to about 2 classes...).

Anyway everyone was concentrating really hard and my mum let out a little tiny fart. I think she thought she had got away with it, but I creased up laughing on the floor next to her, and then the laughing spread slowly around 5 or 6 women around us - they had all heard her. My poor mum was mortified, especially when the instructor asked us what was wrong and I said, clear as a bell "sorry, mum farted" .

Luckily by this point my mum had got the uncontrollable giggles as well....

ok off to read some more now - LOVE the M&S story

[Gemtubbs]

lol cupofbrownjoy!

[CupOfBrownJoy]

ok, hmm do I post this or not?.... here goes

I have never admitted this to anyone before....

I was walking the dog once after work, across a couple of big fields with a stream running through them, no-one else around.

I'd gone quite far when I suddenly felt the urge to poo. I turned around and started heading for home. Fairly casually at first, then rather more quickly. Eventually I got to the point where if I went any quicker I was going to poo myself, but any slower and I was definitely not going to make it in time.

To my eternal shame I had to think of a plan B, and quickly. Thank God the place was still deserted - I ended up dropping my keks, squatting in the stream and doing a humungous poo right there in the shallows. I just hope I didn't contaminate anyone's drinking water or anything. I had to try to clean myself with a wet pebble

Honestly, I wish I was lying....

I don't know if I feel better or worse for having 'fessed up to that...

[RightUpMyRue]

"If I move I'm going to poo"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Too funny.

[TheTenuousVoiceofExperience]

Always good to celebrate an embarrassing fart with a fit of giggles to lighten the atmosphere afterwards cupofbrownjoy!

I have been known to shart in various places. They're always those ones that follow a diarrhea bug, when you think you're going to quietly expel some left over air, but to your surprise a big flow of poo follows.

I am proud to say that I have sharted in the DVD section of Asda (had to throw my knickers in the sanitary towel bin and go commando) and... on the kitchen floor. In front of the children eating their breakfast. Happy days.