Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

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Bollocks, it moved!

Maybe this is the real reason for the current fashion for bald fannies?! It's actually to prevent a host of fauna lurking in the bush es!

Anyway, I dunno about spiders, there could be a tribe of pygmys living in mine, it's roomy enough!

Maybe it's just a new species of spider ?

Can someone call David Attenburgh and let him know ...honey you could be famous as the discoverer of the muff spider .

Saggy I think your on to something there .

Suppose vajassles were invented to scare the critters away ?

Either that or they act as mirrorballs and the only benefit of defuzzing as catching the little buggers quicker as they vogue on your vulva?

Vogue on your vulva ?

Are spiders having a in your pants ? ... Get some spanks , the little critters will never be able to march up that amount of Lycra .

Oh sweet baby jeyzoo that is HORRIFIC!!!

Am glad I shaved my fanjo by mistake last week now

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh. . Nope, arachnid free. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccckckkkkkkkk. I am NEVER going to sleep again. Fanjo spiders. This is worse than when DD had one in her knickers that she was putting on and only found out when she had pulled them past her knees. I am assuming your fanjo spider was related to the one trying to climb up hers! I thought it was a once ever thing to find one in her knicks - obviously fucking not.

Oh dear...lamoooooo

you know spiders prefer a shaved fanjo...

if there is one up there now, it is about to get drowned, all this laughing. and now I am too frightened to go!

Nearest I got to a muff spider was when dh picked up his jeans from the floor (casually dumped there pre quickie) ,and inserted a leg in.
I swear he jumped about 6 feet and used every swear word known to man without drawing breath ...was something like fuckityjesusbastardincuntingcockbollocks .

Guess what crawled out the leg of his jeans ?

A tiny spider . Must have been 1 cm at most .

aghhhhh mumscenter! What can I do?

do you have a copy of aliens love underpants go your house? If you do then bin it, its clearly giving the spiders ideas!

SPIDERS CAN READ?

I've killed a sentient being with my foof????

Floydie I have to ask - how did you shave your fanjo by mistake

Yes good point
how does one shave ones fanjo in error

at least when I did mine and regretted it, it was because Getorf made me I meant to.

I went to trim it (after DP was taking the piss out of me saying it was a grufflo) and forgot to put the comb attachment on....

...... oh SHIT! Bald wonky line down the centre. So had to do the rest to make it look less mental

I'm not laughing at you much

I am...

I thought that, I've been trying to imagine how the razor may of run out of control and shot up your leg mowing down everything in it's path

I am so cross. Didn't feel very well yesterday evening and was MNing to take my mind off it and my stupid pedant alarm meant that meant that I kept skipping over this thread because of the title.

Return today feeling slightly better and thought "I wonder if she did actually" and you did. And I could have spent the evening pissing myself at your expense while DH snored on the sofa.

(instead of spending the evening throwing every toddler toy I could reach at him instead)

Hope it's not like Charlotte and leaves three of its babies behind to keep you company......