Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

I love this thread. Honey, have you unclenched yet?

No

I was telling MiL about this incident today, she has informed me it has done wonders for her pelvic floor everytime she replays it in her head.

Dh and I are both crying with laughter here. That is soooo much worse than when a spider ran up my face during the Harvest Festival service, when I was in the church choir, and I batted it off and then had no idea where it was!!

Rushofbloodtothefeet - dh wanted to know about accidental foof-shaving too.

This thread must go in classics.

I like to think it was like Charlotte. Praps it spun a lovely word web up there, to describe the finer points of your passage, Honey?
ROOMY perhaps, or SOME CHUFF.

recent view of my cervix for for Sues benefit

Perfect normal up there thankyou!

lovely and pink

And I thought i had it bad with my accidental spider blow job. I was driving along and wound the window down a bit. A massive spider carrabinered down in front of my mouth and I spent quite some hundreds of yards silently screaming and blowing at it to keep it off my face until I stopped and begged a passer by to open the car door and remove it from in front of me. Whilst blowing.whilst stopping at waist level of passers by. Fortunately a nice lady with a pram took pity on me.

You need one of these. I had wondered why they needed to be so phallic-shaped, but now I know .

Hahaha! I love the 'spider blow-job' image

Glad I could clarify

Did you find any errant legs Honey?

My mum once found a HUGE huntsman spider lurking in my Dad's y-fronts, as they were hanging on the washing line.
Disclaimer: we were living in Australia at the time
Although if you're squeamish about bugs don't live in Oz

I LOVE this thread, have giggled all the way through

I think I actually strained my pelviv floor at the idea of killer foof spiders

I am NOT going to Australia!

though painfully arachnophobic am now laughing hysterically into sleeve in effort not to wake up baby sleeping on me

Honey have you invested in a mooncup? Would stop any stragglers adventuring too far north.

Also someone should pitch this to beauty salons as a new type of vajazzle (or whatever the hell it is).

I was with Mooncup at the time, you have just made me VERY glad I was wearing it!

<

Is this what a spider blow job looks like floydie?

Ooh, hello classics!

Hahaha! Good one Skinnymuffin .... Did you get a look in the mirror whilst sucking off attempting to lose the spider Brambleschooks?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! not classics now my spider foof shame will live on forever

bloody love this. I am particularly enjoying the 'David Attenborough' image.

Welcome to this week's Life In The Undergrowth...

Oh oh oh oh - I think I've just sprained my stomach muscles from laughing so hard! Can't believe I didn't click on this earlier, honey you loon!

Boris the Huntsman reappeared in my living room last night, while I was sitting there - and appears to have made his escape back out of the air con unit. Or he's just sitting in the box outside, waiting to return when I least expect it...

See this is why bald fannies are a bad idea. Doesn't everyone realise that the purpose of jungle pubes are primarily as spider catchers? Bet you're regretting that Brazilian now honeydragon aren't you?

that would have killed me. fucking hell!!

After I read your OP I literally ran into the bathroom and shucked my pants to triple check. And now I keep feeling a phantom crawling Down There.

What's the bet that somewhere in the world there is a spider fanjo fetishist who is wishing he was your special friend, Honey?