Reality in the adverts Vs real life

[chunkythighs]

None of this happens in my life.....

• Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.

*On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...

*All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.

*Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.

*Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.

*Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).

Will be adding more.

Polar bear stuffed animals make better rice than people.

I HATE the ones with the happy family all sitting down together enjoying a healthy evening meal. In real life:
Working mother in ill-fiitting clothes stomps wearily into the house, carrying bag of crapshopping bought on way home. Grubby 9 year old asks "What's for dinner?"
Weary mother drops shopping on floor, wipes sticky work surface, feeds cat, picks up discarded shoes/clothing from floor and turns on unshaven, computer playing husband and says "haven't they had dinner yet? what have you been doing all day?". Row ensues.

Mother - still in work clothes - starts hurling tuna pasta bake thingy together. 9 year old complains of starvation and raids cupboards, Mother finds uneaten packed lunch still in school bag and tells child it desrves to be hungry, wasting good food etc. Second row ensues. Mother opens bottle of wine.

Teenage daughter shoots past, in very short skirt and half a ton of slap. "dinner will be ready soon" says mother caringly. "Not hungry/ Don't want that crap/ Whatever/Going to Ben's/hannah's/Jack's...". Door slams.
Mother downs an entire glass of cheap plonk and winces.

Older teenage shuffles in, still in pyjamas. "dinner ready soon" pleads mother, absently unpacking cat food, bog roll and dented special offer tins from bag, while doing dishes and loading washing machine. "mffffugggghh blibll wuffl" mutters teen, swigging milk out of carton and putting empty carton back in machine."Would it be too much effort for you to speak civilly?" snaps mother "and how many fucking times do I have to tell you about drinking from the milk carton?". Teen rolls eyes and sighs theatrically, while glancing at dad for solidarity. another row ensues which ends with teen slamming into bedroom. 9 year old yells he's "STARVING!" and needs £20 and P.E kit for tomorrow and that dinner better not be pasta because he HATES pasta because Daniel says its made from worms so he's not eating it.
Mother swigs wines from bottle and bursts into tears and black smoke curls up from oven and Dh mutters "Christ, why do you always have to come home in a mood . I'm going to the chippy".

......or is that just in my house?

There seem to be one or two advertising people around who are a bit more realistic - the ones who make the aldi adverts have got it more or less right: .

If you have BUPA health insurance it doesn't matter if you get cancer because it'll be treated in nice hospitals

Every family owns the same dog who just happens to be Auntie Mabels' Pippin from Come Outside.

Unless it's the pure white westie puppy who chews everything and the owner smiles as she wrestles her car-keys back instead of smacking the little turd with a rolled up newspaper

You will get wads of money for your broken earring but it will render you incapable of correct grammar as in:

"I cashed my gold and got £200 pounds worth"

Anybody using a wheelchair, lesbian couples, black people, gay men, Asian families, blind people, and the elderly hardly ever buy anything at all, so adverts never need to show them :(

Women have nothing better to worry about than whether their air freshener matches their ornaments and can be smelled every thirty seconds over the pong of their sweaty layabout husband.

People sit down to eat KFC at home, around a table, and it has the magic power to stop teenagers texting.

TrinaLuciusMalfoy, I would have thought the grease of that finger-food would stop the texting. If not, well... ugh!

True. These days I suppose they would want to avoid getting it on their myriad of touch screen devices.

Also: it is possible to eat a Big Tasty/Whopper/MegaSooperBurger/whichever without all the sauce & salad dumping themselves all down your front.

It's ok to open your freezer door and find a creepy talking bear in there. Doesn't make you slam the freezer door screaming and weeping about sleep deprivation at all....

People take their DCs to McDonalds, and order them a happy meal with water as the drink and carrot sticks instead of chips.

(Am quivering with laughter just imagining my DCs' faces if I did that. Almost worth a try.)

The RSPCA or other doggy saving type charity am not actually sure which is which they all just want money want £3 a month to save animals but the NSPCC only want £2 a month to save children

Possibly the NSPCC may be leaving the child in situ, whereas the RSPCC actually wants to rehome the pets?

Along with twotestickles's jibe about having cancer in a nice hospital, this is one of the saddest advertising lies I've seen on this thread....

Indeed plupervert however also sad is:

You can pay just £8 a month to relieve any money worries from your loved ones when you die.

Yes because funeral costs are at the forefront of everyone's mind when they have just lost someone they love

DH insists it is perfectly obvious that womens' bodies just don't work properly because ALL the ads on TV tell him this. Bloating. Constipation. Heartburn. Headaches. Period Pains. Migraines. Mouth ulcers.

Actually, there was a Radio 4 You and Yours last week, about how funeral plans kept coming up underfunded and relatives were being asked to stump up before funerals could proceed. From the discussion, it appeared funeral plans are not actually insurance (where both sides would be gambling on paying out less than they are paid), but funding plans which need to run for a defined time in order to be in the black. That's not something which comes through from the advertising, though...

But you still get your free parker pen right?

omg-dementedma- you have just EXACTLY described our house!!
pmsl

the reason i am fairly ordinary a bit overwight and my house is just sort of tidy not immaculate is because my hair is the colour I was born with ( i'm obviously not worth it) I eat the wrong sort of yoghurt I do not have a squirty bottle of mr muscle or an aromatic peeble. my DD is obviously going to be stunted and deprived as she wears wrong type of nappy and manages to survive but how i don't know without any toddler milk despite not drinking 12 litres of cows milk a day or liking a single fun ( or boring for that matter) brand of cereal on market and her shoes have solid heels with no toy or interchangeable things to lose straps; and how does my marriage survive when DH does not use lynx and I do not use SURE and he has never bought me galaxy and there is none hiden in the bedside drawer
a
lso strange none of dental professors ever mentioned pro-argin not mentioned on any post graduate courses in past year either

Has anyone actually bought an aromatic pebble?

raahh greetings soul sister!!

People are prepared to travel to the next town to save £1.27 at Asda, and are thrilled about it 'especially with a young family'.

Presumably an old family are cheaper to feed

All mums are so busy that being 'a busy mum' defines their existence. As a busy mum, they understand that they 'all want the best for their children', including a 'balanced diet'.

This mostly involves putting a chocolate-covered snack bar in their lunchbox, but because there are fruit and vegetables visible on the kitchen counter while packing the lunchbox, it counts.

That clothes always hang neatly on the line blowing in a warm summer breeze whilst children play sweetly in the background.

As opposed to the reality of trying to hang clothes out in gale force winds while up to your ankles in mud and being walloped in the face repeatedly by errant sheets with a screaming child hanging off your leg because he wanted shoes on not the wellies you gave him to avoid having to clean mud out of his favourite shoes.....

Or the few days it is calm and sunny the scent of your fancy fabric softener attracts every wasp in a 5 mile radius who insist on investigating your face and hair for flowers.

And lets face it, the only games children play near clean washing involve mud being thrown and running full force into the clean washing whilst covered in muds/food/grass/snot/all of the above.