Reality in the adverts Vs real life

[chunkythighs]

None of this happens in my life.....

• Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.

*On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...

*All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.

*Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.

*Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.

*Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).

Will be adding more.

Your pre school son can really wait 'to have a poo at Paul's house'.

Yeah right - he would poo in his shorts and it would take two people to clean him up.

All women dye their hair with full make-up and while wearing lovely pale coloured clothes. They also apply miracle moisturising creams while already wearing said full make-up.

Ah red the memories of dying a big flipping stripe across my face at 8pm on a Saturday night when I was 23........Obviously had to head to a dimly lit nightclub then........Monday morning was a different experience however.....

All women have orgasms over yoghurt, especially whilst wearing really terrible jeans.

Did you ever wake up one morning and have the uncontrollable urge to go horse riding on the beach-you my friend are about to get your period......

Families are happy and the husband is involved and remarkably genial and sociable (in the ads).

God, yes, what is the obsession with bloating? I only feel bloated if I've just drunk half my body weight in diet coke normally, in which case it's my own fault and a yoghurt isn't going to help matters.

hahahahah

A 20 something model puts some new face re-gegerating cream with new and more bafflling active ingredient than last week and will make her still look like a 20 something model.

A group of women friends get together for lunch and eat yogurt when the reality would be white or red.

Drinking coke in the office at a certain time will allow you to drool over the poor out of work male model take of his shirt whilst cleaning the office windows.

After any spillage you dreamof some badly voiced spanish guy will appear and clean up whilst wiggling his pert little arse for yoor pleasure.

Use this anti bac cleaner and you and your family will never get sick again.
Ever.

Any man while shopping cleaning or doing laundry has an IQ of his shoe.
The woman in his life will nod sagely an fix the problem and may give him a loving pat on the head for well at least trying.

Meercats can talk and wear clothes

I wish this was true

The best way to clean your very dirty cooker/sink/bath is to spray with cleaning product and wipe veeeeeery gently. Don't rub hard, just skim over the surface with your beautifully clean cloth and marvel at the stripe of gleaming surface that appears!

Having limescale on your toilet is a crime akin to giving meth to toddlers at softplay.

Beautiful models eat chocolate. Slightly plump women eat yoghurt.

Non fat women with body issues eat Special K to fit into garish bright red dress, achieving this is orgasmic.

No one punches Cheryl Baker but I can hope

we all mop our ridiculously manky floors by doing a big diagonal swipe across the scum, thereby allowing us to compare the dirt vs. the gleam.

(this one gets me the most) we all lie down to nap on our beds which have no linen on.......I know they are advertising matresses but how idotic!!

I apologise for using the dreaded !! but am

Macdonalds burgers are made in a rural idyll by happy cows grazing freely in fields.

As well as talking about aforementioned bloating, we all chat about insurance quotes with our friends until an annoying little man with an eccentric mustache bursts in on us. We stare at him wryly, rather than get up and leave in a huff.

Once you get past a certain age, every single time you cough or laugh you will leak a little bit of pee onto your tight trousers.

Your dh is using the latest one-click computer technology to hide history, and he's using it to find the perfect present for you.

Yeah right.

We all eat Dolmio once a week. On a specific day.

That the DFS sale must end on Monday. And then start again on Tuesday, but they don't say that obviously...

When going to your friend's new immaculate, pristine house, you for some inexplicable reason take an air freshener with you. Instead of shouting "WTF? Are you saying my gaff stinks?", your friend smiles beatifically, plugs it in and the pair of you spend the rest of the day smelling the room in silence.

Sky news always put the Emirates ad on every break with the air stewardess with the most hauntingly beautiful face having hot coffee over Hong Kong. It really gets on your nerves being on so much. But I would rather have an experienced older one looking after me on a flight.

It takes two hands to lift a BigMac as it soooo enormous.

One of you is wearing dentures

Groups of friends pour over perfectly average looking stones, demanding to hear yet another holiday story. Imagine the mirth when one of those stones turns out to be full of stinky poison airfreshener! Good times.

Old fashioned stinky poison air fresheners just do not fit with the mass-produced vases you bought from the Next Directory. They like, totally clash with your twigs'n'pebbly shit "look". Best buy the new stinky poison airfreshener, cunningly hidden in a She-Wee - it'll blend right in.

• if you spill 2L of liquid over the floor, you will only try to mop it up using one square of kitchen roll (actually this is true of my DH but not for normal people). You may also be in drag.

• if a shop assistant is sneering at you for wearing a ridiculous woolly hat and daring to aspire to a pair of fuck-me shoes, removing said hat and swishing a frankly alarmingly unnatural red dye job at her will show the bitch who's queen.