Reality in the adverts Vs real life

[chunkythighs]

None of this happens in my life.....

• Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.
  
  *On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...
  
  *All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.
  
  *Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.
  
  *Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.
  
  *Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).
  
  
  
  Will be adding more.

[mouldyironingboard]

The ones that annoy me are the Moneylending/credit institutions pretending that they will help sort out your financial problems if your money has run out before payday. The reality is that they charge around 2-4,000% interest to their unsuspecting victims.

Also, if a man stopped me and asked to check the bacteria levels on my teeth for a toothpaste ad I'd tell him to get lost . . .

[ThePopsicleKat]

mushypeas

[BalloonSlayer]

oh yes the bloody teeth one!

That advert with me in it:

"Have you cleaned your teeth this morning?"

"Yes"

"Are you sure?"

"I beg your pardon? Are you trying to tell me my teeth are dirty? How bloody dare you, you little shit. Let me tell you something right now . . . "

Unseen voice "Cut!"

[NeeNaasAreAfterMe]

Facial scrubs can be washed off with a playful splash. The water will not run down your sleeves and you will not end up with little bits in your hair.

[pinkhyena]

Buying one product will magically get rid of the months worth of laundry, screaming kids, dirty dishes and your money problems. It also turns your world from a slightly grey hue to lovely bright normality.

[MinimallyNarkyPuffin]

The dog leaves dirty footprints on the kitchen floor, so you whip out yer mop and it's sparkly clean again.

This ignores:

A) You have a muddy footed dog in your hall/living room etc, so have a lot more rooms left to clean.
B) The dog will come to see what you're doing, leaving fresh footprints on the bit you've cleaned, and try to drink your mop water/lick the squirty cleaner.
C) When you've removed the dog and are done mopping a child will appear and demand a drink/food only accessible over wet flooring.
D) Once it's all dry, the dog will want to go outside again. Where it will get muddy feet.

[Columbia999]

Nobody who has magnetic plastic letters on their fridge ever writes "bum", "poo" or "tits" with them.

[acsec]

That every scratch card is a winner and they explode ticker tape all over the place but no one is all that interested.

That your heat damaged, split ended, lank, lifeless hair will instantly be cured and look beautiful, voluminous and swishy in just 60 seconds after using a tiny amount of conditioner (that will cover your whole head and give you an orgasm at the same time!)

That after having a boob job the only thing people will notice about you is your smile

[SuePurblybilt]

Holiday and tourist board adverts always make me larf:

'Where will Ireland take you?'

Advert answer - to chat to kindly fisherman in Guernsey sweaters as they cheerfully mend their nets, whistling a merry jig all the while. Then off to the pub for a ceilidh and a glass of the black stuff. To be sure.

Real answer - down a seven mile single-track lane, supported in places by oil drums, ending up at a slightly sinister empty farm. Cos funnily enough, 'turn left where Jamsie used to live' is not the best beginning to detailed directions. Eventually find the pub but gradually realise all the songs are rebel or famine songs and feel obliged to drunkenly sob apologies on behalf of your country.

'Visit Scotland - Surprise yourself'

Advert picture: Oh look! There are those fishermen again - only this time they're whistling a Scottish jig. Watch as two good-looking yet impossibly bland actors, at least one wearing a sweater over their shoulders, stroll romantically around the loch, row across laughing and point at old castles.

Real Picture - Midges make walking round the loch into a screaming itch-fest and nothing says romance like angry weals. The only surprise is that new shade of corned-beef blue your legs have turned in the wind. You take to drink, leading to an awkward scene at the Whisky Still Tour.

[woollyideas]

Well reading all these, it's clear that there's too much gratuitous laughing in all adverts. Do you think we could petition the advertisers to have a moratorium on grinning?

[Columbia999]

Highly paid film stars and models always use face cream that costs six quid, and they dye their own hair at home with Nice'n'Easy.

[plupervert]

Buying this Disney/Pixar film for your child will produce grateful offspring, who are willing to turn off the television after the film and engage with you.

[Becaroooo]

I dont watch adverts.

Because I'm worth it.

[MardyBra]

WRT holiday adverts . As in come to Wales - it's muddy 'cos it pisses down with rain a lot.

[MardyBra]

Have you noticed that women only wear glasses in adverts for opticians?

[ToriaPumpkinPasty]

I had that exact conversation about the Visit Scotland ads one day SuePurblyBilt I, personally, have never sniffed whisky in a proper distillery glass, while sitting in front of a roaring log fire wrapped in an Arran blanket. Do they only bring these things out for the tourists?

[GreenEyesandNiceHam]

Breakfasts. Must be cereal boxes and jug of milk on the table- no plastic bottles, at a push the old fashioned glass ones are ok.

And no one ever toasts some bread and puts it onto a plate. No, even in the busiest, most manic of households, the toast must be cut into triangles and placed in a toast holder. Just in time for a be-briefcased 'Dad' to grab before kissing his wife goodbye and dashing out the door.

[havealittlefaithbaby]

Perfume designers decide to put their purFUME in deodorant because they've seen us rushing round like blue arsed flies.
Whitening toothpaste makes you smile all the time.
Cats can talk telepathically.
A big fat bloke will burst into operatic song randomly advising you on how to get cheap car insurance.

[badgerbrisket]

"Biffidus digestivum" is a normal thing to drop in to any conversation and will definitely create world peace

[SuePurblybilt]

Fabric softener is made from precious metals, the naturally fallen petals from exotic flowers and the soft breath of tropical winds. Not noxious, gloopy chemicals and artificial perfumes, not at all.

Coming soon: Lenor Sparkle, made from Unicorn's tears, Goblin spunk and fairy dust.

[badgerbrisket]

lol at superblybilt

[LetUsPrey]

Moon Sand is a brilliant product.

[TheSmallClanger]

Toasters pop the toast right out of the machine, so you have to catch it. Even toasters with a more conventional spring mechanism never catch the bread in their elements, causing you to root around inside them with a chopstick.

The aforementioned muddy-pawed dogs (or other animals) leave trails of neat, black paw-prints wherever they go, rather than the trail of random mud splodges and bits of grass that every pet I have ever owned has created.

When people talk about products, they always use brandnames, rather than saying "yoghurt" or "bog cleaner".

Children actively like baked beans. No child I know eats them willingly.