Reality in the adverts Vs real life

[chunkythighs]

None of this happens in my life.....

• Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.

*On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...

*All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.

*Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.

*Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.

*Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).

Will be adding more.

summer ...And the fact that said gale force winds blow your washing into next door's forsythia meaning all your washing comes in covered in yellow flowers and greenfly...

Cows want their milk back.

No they don't, they don't give a shit.

Brand new mums get dressed, in clothes, in the morning.

Again, pajamas for three months at least!!

I love this thread :)

Lawyers have nothing better to do all day than go around convincing people they're REAL...

Certain words are magnetic and will attract others. It is the law only to use these words together, never alone. Some examples include 'busy' (quickly add workingmum) and 'bloated' (quickly add andsluggish). Remember, these words are meaningless used alone.

Some words also come with pointless added extra words, just because they can, like 'free gift'. Sometimes entire sentences are pointless 'I saved £2.37, and that's a lot with young children' .

Generally, it is best to mute adverts and sing yourself a happy song instead.

Cats are evil buggers who are genetically mutating in order to take over the world actually this might be true

Having sought out two quotes for car insurance I was disappointed to find neither a weirdo opera singer nor a talking telephone popped up on my desk. However I did run over a meerkat last Tuesday so I guess we are quits.

We base our decisions on where to shop based on saving 13p a week, rather than the fact that our chosen supermarket is closer and the staff don't bloody well talk to you in faux jollie tones and slap their own arses.

Nominating for classics as have just watched an ad break and wept with laughter.

"JLS practice their masturbating technique as a team while holding onto a long stick called a "wee"."

Ah! Now I understand why my local store sells JLS branded condoms!

Febreze is like little pillowcases for your farts which snatches them out of the air and makes them fly to the moon.

twotestickles, I do love you.

What a pity that men's balls are not themselves such "pillowcases"! It would be such a design coup.... if a bit disconcerting for them to have self-beheading-hydra-Venus-flytrap action going on when their drawers get a bit windy!

Oh and that advert for (i think) Dove deodorant, which promised smooth skin 7 days after shaving your underarms.
But I shave every other day.
Will i never have smooth un-irritated underarms?

CLASSICS! WOOHOO :)

Aw shucks plupervert, I love you too :)

It's fine if your kids rub all manner of crap into their school uniforms, especially mud, blood and oil because apparently 'dirt is good' despite the fact they are down to their last school jumper and you'd rather slash your wrists than load the washing machine for the ninth time this week.

Incidentally plupervert - you can get charcoal filtered undies for particularly malodorous men. Which do sort of capture and dissolve the smells.

"charcoal filtered undies for particularly malodorous men"

Hahaha, it feels so strange to have a recommendation on a thread devoted to ripping advertising apart!

Perversely, DH would probably be more likely to go for it if I told him I discovered it through advertising than through a recommendation on you-know-what! He was very dubious about the recommendation I relayed to him the other day, about his peeing in the garden to get foxes to PISS OFF... just because it was from the Hive Mind of MN!

You will smile at your puppy when it is chewing your car keys, the remote and has dragged you shopping out of the bags and dug up half the garden.

Reality is, you will swear at it, make sure the remotes are still working and consider re homing the damn animal.

Does anyone remember ad? Funny as hell but reality is you child would have only stopped the tantrum because he is too busy laughing at you!

If you are enjoying something you have to close your eyes.

I was thinking of this yesterday. Mopping is an affair of large swishes, with the floor conveniently clear (and in a very big room).

The reality for me yesterday was a fairly quick mop, but there was a lot of back-aching work of clearing the kitchen of bin and chairs, then sweeping, then dustpanning the sweepings... before I could mop.

I'm not going to tell you all what I used to mop, as "a woman has to preserve a few secrets."

Yeuch.

I clicked on that youtube link and had to abort quickly as the title came up, and DS was standing next to me!

Same here plupervert.... stupid laptop touchpad almost didn't make it to the button in time