Reality in the adverts Vs real life

[chunkythighs]

None of this happens in my life.....

• Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.

*On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...

*All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.

*Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.

*Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.

*Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).

Will be adding more.

TSC...... I thought mine were the only ones who despised baked beans! TV actually had me convinced on that one

People are so bothered about their dishwasher's performance that they need to be led to believe that the same technology goes into the development of the tablets that went into the Space Shuttle. (addendum: and people use up 10 plates' worth of room by putting in a gloopy burned casserole dish that's never going to get clean anyway.)

Would the ad men weep, do you think if they found out we all buy what's on special and think they're all much of a muchness?

And, d'you know, we don't CARE that the gloopy burned casserole dish won't get clean. We're not bone idle! As long as 99% of the plates, mugs and glasses are OK we are quite happy to scrub a pot or two.

A small bird will appear to clean my loo if I only buy the right loo cleaner. It will guard it from poo smells and bacteria for up to 24 hours. Presumably after this period the duck dies and blocks the loo but for comedy value I'm willing to take that risk to see the mallard go for it

Cruises are really excited and frequented by sassy 20 somethings who do extreme sports and then go for a massage frequently and are definitely not for incontinent geriatrics who just want to gorge at the buffet and then walk about criticising the natives.

Exciting, not excited.

Raise your scabby hands if you don't use Fairy.

becaroooo

Voiceovers in cinemas are another doublethink formulation: that they are all different films (each and every one worth paying to see) despite their being voiced by the same pompous American man. AAAAARGH!

that we all think it's ok that toddlers run bogroll companies that cut down trees. To wipe your arse. Trees - Arse.

SuePurblybilt

A bag of chewy sweets allows a family to stop in the middle of nowhere and sing with delight, rather than said sweets being opened and eaten prior to first services stop to halt said family bickering on long car journey.

Does anyone know when we stopped laughing at those who took two bottles into the shower?

All teenagers exclaim about how fresh their mate's room smells when his rancid sheets have been ripped from the bed and rinsed with fabric softener.

When the woman at the stain-removing demo throws muck on a cheap tee shirt, all the women watching will gasp in horror, as if she has just disembowelled a kitten.

When you have a new air freshener in the house, everyone who walks in will sniff deeply with an ecstatic and beatific smile on their face.

Anti-ageing creams are advertised by 14 year old girls.

Adverts for sofas always show enormous lounges with the sofa smack-bang in the middle of it whether it's a corner sofa, 3 seater or 4 seater. No-one ever has a sofa wedged up against the dining room door that you can't open, with biscuit crumbs all over it and dodgy lookins stains that are actually chocolate milkshake but look like diarrhoea.

Playing online bingo alone in your dining room of an evening is exactly like being in a nightclub dancing to Gloria Gaynor with all your girly mates.

You'll get slim if you eat two small bowls of Special K instead of two normal meals.

Of course you will, the portion size that they suggest wouldn't feed a hamster.

It's perfectly normal to wax your already smooth and hair free legs.

All parents of small children are so unfeasibly young that they must have been about 12 when they had them and yet they never seem to encounter most of the problems real pre-teen parents tend to have. They have perfect relationships, enormous clean houses and children who like sweetcorn and poo at Paul's house.

shouldbe the waxing is also pain and mess free and you can do it in a shoe shop.

You can use a bazooka on a verruca. Presumably without blasting your foot into smithereens.

If you buy a pair of Lelly Kelly shoes:
a. The dog in the make up really does come to life
b. You have to use them for everything from school to shopping days to partying and need no more shoes and can happily swap the strap over without remotely scuffing the toes or wearing down the heel

Hmm - i think 'a' is more likely tbh ....

20 year old very hot looking women like to spend their afternoons pretending to scratch a 3D pretend dog's arse ..... and get very excited about it .....

If you buy your DS a dodgy crap little bit of plastic shite they will automatically have a lifelike-but-to-scale lake and desert to play with them on....

Any mess in the home is always arranged in neat but oh-so-exquisitely asymmetric piles; skipping ropes artfully draped across banisters, a plump and fluffy soft toy on the stair.

Obviously not a sniff of the bastarding play mobile secreted in the stair crevice that only becomes dislodged as you galumph downstairs at three in the morning to feed your face go to the loo and becomes embedded in the bottom of your foot, prompting you to shriek so loud the neighbours call the police. And defiantly no precarious towers of papers threatening to topple and release the spores that have been happily cultivating themselves for a decade couple of months.

A guy on a station platform strums a guitar and sings a song about how much he fancies a young woman on the opposite platform. Instead of finding it creepy and embarrassing, she gallops across to indulge in some close range simpering.

She's just pleased he thinks she's a natural blonde and 5 years younger than she is ....