Reality in the adverts Vs real life

[chunkythighs]

None of this happens in my life.....

• Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.
  
  *On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...
  
  *All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.
  
  *Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.
  
  *Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.
  
  *Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).
  
  
  
  Will be adding more.

[chocolatemakesmehappy]

"aquaspheres" as the miracle ingredient in anti-aging moisturizer. I can splash water on my face for less money any day, thanks.

[Twit]

Mumsnet nappy ad.

2 A.M.
Parent gingerly eases shit stained vest down rather than over the head.
Baby giggles and kicks mushing crap everywhere
Nappy is removed and hastily put to one side as parent tries to hold the baby up by the legs to stop shit going on the mat. Notices it is all up the back as well.

uses about 50 wipes
lowers baby down and reaches for the cream and clean nappy
Is about to put clean nappy under bottom when baby pisses everywhere (including own mouth)
Parent swears and tries to stem the flow by shoving nappy over it. Knocks shitty nappy onto floor.
Swears again
picks up nappy
mops up wee
reaches for another nappy
Baby blasts shit out when legs are lifted. Hits wall behind parent.
Swears again
clean up more poo, get nappy onto wriggling demon baby who does not want one on. Ditto clean clothes.
Puts baby aside to clean up with more wipes.
Picks up baby who promptly shits again.
Swears again.
Parent gingerly eases shit stained vest...........



And how come when they kiss the naked baby they don't pissed or shat on eh? Not. Realistic. At. All.

[AbsDuWolef]

When people wake up in the morning, they're smiling and do the big arm stretch thing. They don't groan, swear at the alarm clock and start randomly hitting it. And all bed linen is white. FACT

[Terpsichore]

Any Sad Single Dad with greying locks should allow himself to be persuaded by his two adorable teenage daughters to apply a certain hair-dye. Looking weirdly mannequin-like with his new, startlingly-dark 'do he will, of course, cop off immediately. Probably with the woman who empties all her meals into her handbag and walks around in a half-crouch grimacing in constipated agony. Thus leaving the daughters aghast at the consequences of their actions.

[MinimallyNarkyPuffin]

MadamDeathstare.

[Twit]

madamedeathstare that ad sounds great . Why don't we have one like that? We could use One Shit.
'One Shit does the job' Gun wink, hands over the box of three.

[Psammead]

Mumsnet Advert - Car

Long, sleek, sweeping shots of car exterior. Lingering camera work takes in the finger-drawn picture in the dirt, mudsplats on the wheel surrounds, dead flies on the windscreen and tiny dent which you swore to DH was caused by someone in the carpark catching it with their car door whilst you were shopping, but was actually caused by you not noticing that lamppost when you opened the door.

Several rapid shots of the car in various on-the-go situations, at funky, unexpected angles. Pulling out at a roundabout. In a traffic jam. Trying to reverse park into a space. On the M4 behind a Sainsbury's lorry. Waiting for a gap to pull out of your road.

Slow, panning shots of car interior. Focus on the kids arguing in the back. Crisp packets and plastic bottles on the passenger seat. Soft toy wedged down the side of the dashboard. Sun visor hanging forlornly from it's slightly-broken clip. Packet of mints in the glove compartment. Everyone looks miserable because they are late for the school run again.

Slogan - Mumsnet Car. Because From All The Cars You Could Afford In The Second-hand Dealership, You Liked The Colour Of This One Best.

[Aworryingtrend]

Oh I wish there was a 'Like' button for the Car advert.

[Bearskinwoolies]

twit that brings back sooo many memories.

[MardyBra]

Psammead

[plupervert]

This is much more fun than actually watching television for the ads, not to mention the crappy linky bits the programmes themselves: aren't they rubbish?.

What about The Economist, with its incredibly aspirational (print only) advertising? Reading The Economist will make you incredibly successful and, moreover, earn you the extra time to read the whole thing, from cover to cover.
.... rather than:
leaving you £££ poorer for buying it every week and leaving it in a pile (still in cellophane wrappers, if you're a subscriber);
taking up piles of extra time managing to read any of it at all (thereby making you a less effective person) and wondering how to parlay their incredibly random subject matter and subjective world-view into "success."

Their advertising also ignores the fact that all the people I have ever met who worked for The Economist were smug weirdos, who didn't seem to have any deadlines!

[tiddleypompom]

You can glide down the pavement wearing 6 inch heels when 38 weeks pregnant and still look smug.

(I'm looking at YOU Ms Isabella Bloody Oliver Model)

[Twit]

Slogan - Mumsnet Car. Because From All The Cars You Could Afford In The Second-hand Dealership, You Liked The Colour Of This One Best.

hahahahahahahaha

[captainmummy]

I just feel sorry for any advertiser due to come on after the 'gocompare' fat-twat-in-a-mustache ad,cos I've turned it off before the first bellowed note.
Also the similar one for direct line with the gorm who lets people toot the car horn/move the sofa etc.

[nenevomito]

Does anyone remember this ??

Well it it had been a bit more honest, it would have said this:

This can of coke
oh its taking the piss
Cos its sugary high
Is just too good to miss
Like a break in your teeth
Where the rot has begun
And the several large tyres
Round your portly large tum
And we?re taking control
Of your money and mind
When you drink this brown sugary crap
For the very first time
For the very first time....

[Twit]

That really smug smuggy McSmug bunch of Smugheads on the Voyage Privee advert are just like you.
I'm sure there should be an accent over the 'e' but I don't know how to do it care.
Everyone but everyone has a big house. Which even if amusingly untidied for our benefit actually bears no resemblance to the real thing.

[DoubleDegreeStudent]

When teenagers get spots on the morning of a big party, they don't shout or swear and lock themselves in their room and rip up their new outfit in anger, they just go "oh no!" and giggle with their friends, before putting on something that actually doesn't make it go away entirely (because that would be false advertising) but just makes it shrink enough so that they can forget alllll about it and don't ruin the party anyway by dashing to the bathroom every ten minutes to redo their concealer.

MadamDeathstare, that's amazing!

[happymole]

Madam I bloody love that ad

[SummerRain]

MadameDeathstare.... thankfully the child who wandered over to see why my laptop was screaming wasn't the one who can read as explaining condoms to a 5 year old was not on my list of things to do today

Same darling child found the ad very amusing...... he's personally adopted the practice of shouting 'Mommy, don't hurt me' at the top of his voice when he knows he's in trouble in public. He's lucky he made it home today tbh

[givemushypeasachance]

I love Psammead's ads and am jumping on the bandwagon!

Mumsnet Advert ? Sanitary Protection

A confident, unconventionally attractive women of indeterminate age (somewhere between teen and menopausal) is pushing a shopping trolley down the toiletries aisle of her closest supermarket. She?s not wearing white linen trousers, because face it ? who does the weekly shop in those even when they're not leaking blood from a bodily orifice? She strides purposefully past the shelves, groaning under the weight of packets of sanitary pads. She strides on further, past the multi-coloured boxes of tampons and takes not a second glance. Her head is held high and she doesn?t pause for a second as she pushes the trolley off-screen.

The screen cuts to the smiling women holding a Mooncup box.

Slogan: Don?t wrap your money up in a few sheets of toilet paper and chuck it in the bathroom bin; get over the fear of sticking your fingers in your fanjo and just buy a bloody Mooncup!