What's the most stupid way you've injured yourself?

[GilbonzoTheSecretPsych0Duck]

I've just come back from the doctor with my arm in a splint after tearing a tendon while kneading marzipan

I had sprained foot last month. I hadn't fallen over or twisted my foot or anything else so I can only imagine I had done it from WALKING!

Ruptured all the tendons in one finger stroking a cows neck.
End up black and blue every time I try to help a calf enter the world.
Fell down three steps on holiday knocked myself out, got concussion and damaged the tendons in both my elbows.

These are eye-watering funny! Sorry

As a teenager I decided to try and stick a golf umbrella into the ground. I dont know why! Anyway I missed the ground and managed to ram said umbrella through my shoe and into my foot, splitting the skin and cracking a bone.
The nurses had a great laugh that evening

I accidently ironed my bump when pregnant (obviously) - was getting ready for work and my dressing gown was undone - I still hadn't got used to have a bump there. On the next visit to the consultant, she asked what scar it was from, just in case they had to operate on me for the delivery ... I don't know who was more embarrassed when I explained what it was

Last week managed to lacerate the inside of my own nostril. In shower washing my face and managed to insert my little finger up my right nostril and my fingernail cut the inside.

Who knew there was that much blood up there. Still hurts. DH just shook his head sadly at me.

I also have the strongest feet in the world, only a small bruised toe after a large horse purposely trod on it for 3o seconds, I was punching him in the shoulder and headbutting his neck to get him off me..
and also just had a small bruise when I dropped a piece if 5' by 5' window glass on my other little toe

Scatterchase I didn't realise you gave yourself a black eye with your arm - I thought your boob had sprung up and blackened your eye - I was very impressed!

I can beat that oldsilver - I ironed my still huge tummy after having DS!

Cut the end of my thumb off whilst trying to cut open a gigantic watermelon with a tiny Swiss Army knife.

Plenty. The worst was falling off the FIRST step of a step ladder and breaking 4 ribs, knocking myself out and coming round sometime later. Really have no idea. Woke the next morning in absolute agony - obviously didn't know at that stage my ribs were broken. Drove myself to hospital and spent half an hour trying to remember what the fuck ribs were in Spanish.

X-ray showed four clean breaks. Took me two days to realise (was wonderfully floaty on fab painkillers) that my sense of smell and taste had been wiped out by hit on head. This was way way more devastating. Thankfully they came back VERY slowly over the following year.

Broke my foot stepping off the bus.

Broke my hand lifting a box out of the cupboard when I tried to remove water pipes at the same time.

Broke my coccyx during a piggy back race gone wrong down probably the steepest hills in the Scilly Isles.

Split my forehead open playing hide and had with my brothers aged about 12 when I turned and ran straight into the corner of the house.

My little brother broke his own nose trying to do a trick shot playing table tennis he smacked himself in the face with the bat

Shut the car boot. On my own head.

Remembered another...just ast week I was reaching something from the top of one of our extra tall Kitchen cupboards. I'm a short arse so this requires a stool. As I came down, I put my hand down on the worktop to steady myself, wasn't a lot of pressure but I heard a loud 'pop'! The ball of my hand immediately bruised! I showed the doctor when i saw him for something else a few days later - while it was still bright purple - and he said I'd probably popped a vein!

Sprained my shoulder whilst throwing someone into a swimming pool

Electrocuted myself plugging in an iPod charger whilst pregnant.... Gave the antenatal ward quite a chuckle - they don't get many people in with electrocution apparently

Last month - out cycling and my bike fell apart whilst I was cycling at speed around a corner. The whole handlebar post came clean off leaving me in the road with the bike in bits. Slipped a disc and fractured my sacrum. Cycling accidents are fairly common here (Cambridge), though that does not make me any less embarrassed...

Not me but my DH is legendary amongst our friends. Since DS1 (7) was born he has broken 2 fingers, an elbow and a foot.
He shut his own finger in his own car door and compound fractured it.
He went on a tourist whale watching boat ride in Boston and broke a different finger on the rail of the boat
He broke his elbow stepping off the kerb at work (he denies it but I think alcohol was involved in this one!)
But his piece de resistance was breaking his foot on an Iggle Piggle drinks cup......

I knew I'd bonded with my ferret when I tripped and fell flat in front of her cage. She walked slowly to the front, cocked her head and looked down at me as if to say wtf?

I've just remembered the time my sister was messing about with a big pair of long handled nail clippers, throwing them up in the air and grabbing them, clipping them shut...

Until she clipped them shut on her nipple.

ow.

At the age of 14 I decided to explore the old farm trailers which had been left in the garden behind my parents house for goodness knows how long. I was wearing a short sports dress at the time. Walking along the edges was fine as the metal ran beneath the wood and kept it together. Then I fatefully stepped too far towards the middle and the wood gave way. My whole right leg disappeared and for ages all I could do was stay still and bite my lip to keep from screaming. Eventually I hauled myself out and walked back to my house, leaving a trail of blood.

Not my finest hour.

Oh, I was hit on the head by a marble statuette of the Virgin Mary

And the statuette broke in half!

Marble.

How is that even possible?!!!

Ironing, naked

When I was about 7 I fell off my bike and scraped my knee on a gravelly road. When it was all healed over it was quite sore and I could see a black spot in my knee, so used a pin to scrape out a bit of gravel.

When I was about 10, I sat down in the garden... on top of a 3 inch nail, which impaled itself in my bum cheek. Didn't really hurt and I pulled it out. Made my Dad feel quite ill watching me do it though

Having sex with bf when 17, I was on top and very drunk noticed that my foot was rubbing on something. Woke up the next day to find blood all over the sheet/covers and my foot had bone showing! Still have no idea what caused it though.

First time I tried waxing my 'tache, I managed to take half of my top lip off with it.

Knocked over a cup of coffee when trying to pick it up, then caught the cup and spilled boiling coffee all over my hand. Then dropped the cup on my toe. My toe was sore for a few days, and my hand was burnt and couldn't put it even warm-ish water for about a week without it feeling like I was scolding myself all over again.

I've probably done loads of other stupid things as well, just can't think of them at the moment.

Squirted fly spray at bluebottle, slipped on the spray, fractured metatarsal.

Picked up my diving weight belt by the buckle end, 6 kilo weights dropped onto toes fracturing 2 of them.

These are completely hilarious. I too have shut the car boot on my nose but that doesn't even begin to compare with any of these...........