What's the most stupid way you've injured yourself?

[GilbonzoTheSecretPsych0Duck]

I've just come back from the doctor with my arm in a splint after tearing a tendon while kneading marzipan

selks i'm sorry but i laughed out loud at that one!

Whiplash from walking into a glass door!

I managed to cut myself top to toe by shutting the back door when about age 7/8yo - the glass shattered.

Playing 'birds nests' with the cut grass on the verge outside at about the same age - got a huuuuge piece of glass stuck in my knees where I had pushed them together- still have scars now.

managed to break about 3 bones in my foot by breleasing the pallet truck at work...directly ONTO my foot.

Pushed a cupboard shut with my feet, managing to trap my toe in it and break my toe.

Shattering my kneecap by trying to leap over a stairgate, and catching my knee on the top of it.

Breaking my ankle on my birthday - my present was a set of rollerblades.

There are many more!

Think it's hereditory though - My mum managed to get a knife embedded in her hand whilst trying to separate frozen beefburgers, and she also managed to break her leg while getting out of bed.

I once bruised both elbows when I was doing up a bra strap whilst walking through a doorway.

[Try it]

I cut an artery in my finger on a broken teacup, when waitressing at Ask many years ago. Even though it was wrapped up in wads of tissue I was trailing blood around on the floor, and they still wouldn't let me go home early because it was 'only a finger'. They were cunts, though.

My husband and I are pretty clumsy but thankfully not many trips to the hospital.

One that did require a trip to A&E was when DH was doing angry washing up, slammed a glass into the sink, picked it up and jammed his hand into it to wash the inside not realising it had shattered slicing his hand so that stuff that looked like rice noodles popped out... Stopped the argument and stopped angry washing up too :)

Another time when DH and I were just starting to go out he decided to impress me by doing a forward roll over his new double bed which was nice and springy....he took a run up, rolled, bounced and FLEW into the wall going face first and then sliding down the wall. In JUST his underpants!! Needless to say I was in tears of laughter (still cry with laughter when I think about it 10 years on!), the only thing that he hurt was his pride and he had a but of a bruise on his forehead!

I always have bruises on my thighs because I have no spacial awareness when it comes to my bedstead and the wall. DH manages to walk by injury free I don't know why I can't!

I've got more from when I was a child though. Running out of my bedroom aged about 6, completely starkers to get in the bath one of my pigtails caught on the door handle leaving me with a very sore scalp and a massive graze down my side where I hit the edge of the door.

I still have a little scar on my finger where I decided to stick it in the serrated wheel of my bike. Think I was about 7 or 8?

In my teenage grunge phase I was wearing a pair of those massive wide leg jeans while climbing the ladder of my high bed. Trod on the hem of my jeans, slipped onto the top of the ladder and bruised my ribs. Good times.

Guffaw at catching your pigtails on the door handle. :o

I cut my thumb open on an empty baked bean tin which I was rinsing out ready for recycling. It poured with blood and I had to go to hospital and have it stitched up!

I also cut my face open when rushing to answer the phone - I ran straight into a kitchen cupboard - had stitches again.

I almost sustained a very embarrassing injury when lifting my new pushchair from the back of the car a few days after giving birth. It wasn't locked shut, and kind of opened a bit, and then started shutting again - trapping and pinching a bit loose post-baby belly skin in the very firm hinge fastening. It could have been very nasty, but thankfully, I managed to twist around and drop the whole thing before I was sliced up by it!

Feeling guilty but cried with laughter at some of these...
I'm afraid I haven't got much to report... but I noticed that a significant amount of injuries are related to cooking / drinking / sex, I don't do any much of these so perhaps that's why I'm relatively unharmed

haven't made it to the end of the thread yet but is hilarious

just wanted to contribute on behalf of DH when he was around 6yo? he got his first erection (that he can remember) he had just come out of the bath and was in front of the gas fire drying off/warming up, he decided he preferred willy that way and tried to make it stick with hairspray and set it on fire. he still has a scar!

he would kill me for telling as no one knows.

Tried to get the extension hose out of the Dyson too quickly and gave myself a black eye...

DH had to go to A&E to have a Brussels sprout removed from his ear following a university Christmas dinner that descended into a food fight.

I had to click on this thread again, as in "threads I'm on" I could see

"DH had to go to A&E to have a Brussels sprout removed from his..."

I'm glad it was only his ear.

Oh, another one.

I managed to ram the lid of a tin can into the fleshy bit between my thumb and forefinger. I was going to drop it into the recycling bin and pushed it into the back of a chair instead. The other side went into my hand. It took ages for it to stop bleeding.

Gave myself a chemical burn by showing an ex how a silky mitt worked - on my arm. Got bored, realised it looked silly half done and decided to use hair removal cream. Thought it felt sharp but left it on.
Couldn't sleep all night for the pain, went to A&E the next morning were they advised I had actually burned my arm, wrapped me in clingfilm and then some sort of silicon bandage.
Doctor thought it was fucking hilarious though when I explained. Got lots of other nurses and docs to come and see

Oh DH was so impressed with how effective Cillit Bang was he came running into the room I was in, his hands cupped with Cillit Bang (no gloves of course!) and a penny saying 'Kitty look what it's done to the penny...' not realising that he was giving himself chemical burns...

He has also fished something out of a blocked sink AFTER filling it with chemicals, so ended up with chemical burns up to his elbow. I love my husband to pieces but he can be an idiot.

I once caught my toe (no shoes on) in a mouse trap.

Also, fainted in a school cookery lesson, fell under a table, came round, sat up, banged my head on the table & knocked myself out cold again.

My old cat used to pee in random places from time to time...

Once peed on top of the microwave meaning that each time it was used a pong of cooking cat urine would fill the air. Decided to clean it thoroughly. Unplugged it; unscrewed the back and cleaned it very carefully. Dried it beautifully, screwed it back together and tried it out.

It still stank.

Cursing the moggy, I repeated the exercise.Too quickly. Forgot to unplug. BANG - I was across the kitchen nursing a headache and an attractive burn on my chin the shape and style of Ming the Merciless's goatee.

i also fell through a loose floor board in my parents house while it was been converted from 2 flats into a house, my mum had been on at my dad for months to hammer the dodgy floor board down properly as there would be an accident..... my dad said "oh it ll be fine " i ran up the stairs and went straight through dodgy floorboard at the top taking a lot of skin off one of my legs

all he was botherd about was if id came through onto his freshly painted ceiling !!

The kitchen is the one room I'm guaranteed to get hurt.

Nearly broke a toe when a large tin of grapefruit fell on it.

Sliced the palm of my hand open with the bread knife whilst cutting open rolls with a bit too much enthusiasm.

Injured myself peeling celeriac and turnip on numerous occasions.

Also had fruit related injuries involving bits of peel getting underneath my fingernails. Not dramatic but stings like a bitch.

Not in the kitchen...

Tripped over the cat too many times to mention. It's trying to kill me.

Slammed my own fingers in the heavy wooden drawers in my bedroom.

Pulled a muscle trying to shave my arm pits loads of times.

Cracked my head on cupboard doors left open.

Knocked my big toe nail off once. Got of out bed in the dark in a hurry and stubbed it on DH's LP collection which he keeps under the bed.

My house is boobytrapped.

My mum always used to scrape the leftovers from our Sunday lunch out in the garden for the birds and one Sunday she went out to bring in some laundry from the washing line and I heard her calling. I looked out of the window and she was sat on the ground, waving. I waved back. It took me a moment to think 'what the fuck is she sitting on the wet grass for?' before I realised there must be something wrong. She'd slipped on the dinner remains (wet cabbage, gravy and mashed potato) and broken her tib and fib. That was in 1991. She still has metal pins in her ankle.

Not an injury sustained at home, but once on holiday in Greece I got a sun-lounger injury. I sat up on the edge of it (it was an old canvas type one stretched in place by springs around the frame) and as I went to stand I realised I couldn't because the spring coils had my thigh and buttock flab trapped. As soon as I took the weight off my bum the spring coils closed on my flesh, nipping very tightly. I had to brace myself and just rip my poor arse free and I had a lovely bright red welt to sport as I sashayed down to the sea for a swim. The salt water eased the pain though!