What's the most stupid way you've injured yourself?

[GilbonzoTheSecretPsych0Duck]

I've just come back from the doctor with my arm in a splint after tearing a tendon while kneading marzipan

I think my absolute best injury ever has to be this one though.

I was eighteen and stone cold sober, and given where I grew up this kind of thing isn't unusual. We were on our way to a party and on the way up a long track decided we'd all get out (bar the driver) and sit on the outside of the car. Two on the bonnet, two on the boot. Myself and the other girl on the boot were quite clearly slipping. I saw her fall and land on the road, not moving, so jumped. My feet hit the road and my body continued to move at the speed the car was travelling at, sending me flying backwards until my head collided with the tarmac.

I ended up with cuts and scrapes, a four inch fracture in the back of my skull, concussion, three weeks of bed rest and no sense of smell. Eight years later my sense of smell is still dodgy even though I'm pregnant and certain smells make me sick.

The other girl had a few grazes on her back.

Day before I went on honeymoon I was prepping baby food for MIL to have whilst she looked after ds1.

Hand whisk, jammed with a bit of chicken, cleaning it out with finger and not switched off...

you get picture!

Spent entire cruise with a massive bandage wrapped around my hand, glamorous creature that I am.

Also got stuck between car and the house wall one day when heavily PG, so rateful that Dh was the first eprson to pass as was on full view (no front gardens here).

My husband recently put his back out and spent days in agony after leaning over the trolley in Sainsbos to put something in it and sneezing at the same time! It would have been funny had he not been in such pain.

I was up on the top step of a ladder, painting. I overstretched and fell backwards off the ladder into the paint pot below. My bum was a lovely shade of purple.

These are amazing, theyve made my day.....the best so far tho has to be the so eloquently put...

Or the time I walked barefoot through the park and slipped on a massive pile of dog shit

AMAZING!

Ive a bit of my tongue missing from the time I tried to open a bottle of budwiesser with my teeth like they do on frat boy movies...I was just too lazy to get up nd get an opener. Long story short, cap moves, tooth chips, glass breaks, takes a big ol' chunk of my tongue and my oh my, did it bleed!

This is great-Dannyblanchflowers key up nose is a classic
I was replacing a loo seat and got my head jammed between loo and hot radiator, had to really talk myself down from having a major panic/claustrophobia attack while i decided which of the neighbours i could send the kids to fetch. Luckily i managed to release myself without that humiliation

Putting up Christmas decs last year whilst balancing on the settee.Fell of settee and got the plug of the christmas tree embedded in my foot.Pain was unbearable but everyone thought it highly amusing especially nurses at the hospital.

This is schadenfreude in its pureset form!

Birdbaths are among the most common causes of trips to A&E.

I have not encountered one myself.

"What's cossack dancing Mummy?"

A twisted knee, a sprained ankle, a bruised toe and zero dignity, that's what.

I poured nail varnish in my own eye after rummaging around in my drawer with my eyes closed when suffering with sore and itchy eyes in the hayfever season. Bottle was the same shape (ish) as my eye drops.

I broke my finger by roller skating over it.

I managed to trap the top part of my ear in the car door as I shut it. I have NO idea how. It went purple...

I impaled (in one side and out the other) my hand with a kitchen knife while removing a stone from an avocado, now I use a spoon.

But at least I have a "be careful when using sharp knives" story for DS :-D

Omg I am laughing so much I think I might have woken the DC's

My DH always finds massive hilarity in my self inflicted injuries - I poked my self in the eye with a coat hanger scratching my retina when taking a coat out of the wardrobe, cut my finger then fainted falling against/down the side of the fridge giving myself a black eye and numerous other cuts and bruises and managed to burn my forehead with hair straighteners leaving massive blister on forehead...nothing is as impressive as my best friend though who managed to sit on her iron whilst ironing semi naked leaving an emormous iron shaped burn on her buttock! Ouch!

I'm a percussionist and was lifting a music stand from a set of tubular bells to put in front of the xylophone. I didn't bother to check if there was anything on said music stand before I lifted it in the air and the mallets ( think actual wooden hammers which weigh a ton) for the bells rolled off the stand, fell from a great height and landed on my nose

I was left with a huge scab on the bridge if my nose and two black eyes. Took ages to fade away!

I was painting the ceiling in the porch and just had the last corner to do, so I took one foot off the ladder and stretched, still didn't quite manage to reach so I stretched a bit more

Somehow I managed to take the remaining foot off the ladder and gravity took over

I fell into an undignified heap at the bottom of the step ladder but not before the front door handle hit me in the arse, all up my back and on the back of my head.

Could I just say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone sharing their stories. I had to take my mum to the hospital today for the results of her breast biopsy and the consultant was running late. To try and distract us both we were reading this thread and ended up giggling like two naughty schoolgirls. The garlic press and nipple is now a personal favourite!! Anyway the results were not good and she needs surgery but mum said having a really good laugh made her feel much more upbeat and positive. So your pain has been our gain! Please keep the stories coming......!!

Blistered my legs after sleeping with (too) hot water bottle.
Poured bowl of piping hot soup over my very tight jeaned legs. Luckily the bath was full of cold water so I just jumped into that.

view so sorry to hear about your mum but I'm glad we helped keep her spirits up. Good luck to you both for whatever the future holds.x

Punched myself in the face whilst zipping up my handbag. Blood & snot everywhere. The bag was too full & the toggle-y bit of the zip just came off in my hand.

Slipped in the shower (small hotel bathroom), toppled right over, head bounced off the side of the sink and landed on the bidet. Cut my head open. Really not funny at the time, hilarious now.

I am very short. Because of this, if I want to sit on a bar stool, I have to push myself up onto it. I was on a night out, relatively sober, pushed myself up onto the bar stool and felt something go in my knee. Still not sure what I did, but I limped badly for 6 weeks. For the first 3 I could barely put weight on that leg.

An exDP gave me a lovebite on my eyelid. I had a black eye.

The same guy (who was well over 6ft) picked me up and dropped me. I landed flat on my back. I was so winded that it took me over 3 hours to be able to breathe normally again.

I have broken my shoulder whilst sleeping!
Explains....

Was having a nightmare that a burglar was on the ceiling of bedroom (?)
so I jumped at him shouting but of course 'he' wasn't there and I crashed to the floor - cleared bed by about 5 feet - never junped so far in my life!!

I shouted to DH (still soundly snoring throughout!) that I couldn't move my arm.
He got me up - me feeling a bit faint - concerned that my knee was bleeding - with me saying no it's not my knee that is hurting!
As he was up early for work and DD was a baby I had to ring my mum to take me to A&E - when she arrived I had to make her a cup of sweet tea as she was in shock at being woken up ay 2am

I'm sure the Drs at A&E thought I had been involved in DV - and they kept saying you did this by falling out of bed - like I was really fragile/a big hefter (am somewhere inbetween ) and leaving well-intentioned leaflets near me.

Ended up telling people that I'd been in a car accident as so many people were and and bored by the real story!!

Never had a nightmare like this before and I had been watching Scream 3 earlier that night and as I saw the 'burgalar' DD's dummy fell onto the floor so I 'heard' the burgalar too ??

Since then have not watched a scary film since!! (although to link to another thread am able to watch gory films such as Saw

Slipped two discs digging my allotment. I don't recommend this, it really hurts.

Sprained my ankle bouncing on a mini trampoline - it creaked a lot so my neighbours heard 20 minutes of vigorous springs, then a thud and me swearing very loudly and imaginatively. They wondered what I was up tp