What's the most stupid way you've injured yourself?

[GilbonzoTheSecretPsych0Duck]

I've just come back from the doctor with my arm in a splint after tearing a tendon while kneading marzipan

At work sticking photos into an album using aerosol glue. Glue canister got bunged up so started prodding the end with an unfurled paper clip and peering closely to see where the blockage was. Of course - just like the cartoons - it sprayed into my eyes which had the dual effect of a) the propellant stinging my eyeballs and b) the glue sticking my eyelids down.

I had to get a work colleague to lead me to the doctors where the nurse bathed them clean.

My DD has given me three separate sets of black eyes.

1. She boinged in her bouncy chair and headbutted me
2. She slammed the car door shut on my face
3. She kicked me in the face when I was blowing on her tummy.

Where do I even begin? Slashed cornea courtesy of lifting a Yucca plant? Shiner of a black eye whilst 9 months pg after replacing a bin bag, yes a bin bag, leading to all sorts of solicitous enquiries and funny looks at DH? The shoulder injury I received daintily climbing into a swimming pool? The fractured index finger after lifting a small box last week? I could go on

Closed the fridge door on my own head ... at speed.
Got leg waxing strips stuck in my head hair after bending down to remove one from my leg.
Nicked my lady bits with the clippers whilst engaging in a spot of topiary!

I have laughed until I have cried at these. Makes a great break from work :)

I managed to break my foot getting into the car last month. Needless to say I have managed not to take any time off work unlike DH who broke his foot moving a mattress out of the removal van when we last moved house. Apparently the bone he broke was more important than mine???

my ex DH had the ultimate sporting injury, once got a groin strain whilst watching football on TV as he leaned forward to get the remote and a can of beer.

I once burnt my fingertip on a halogen lightbulb in the bathroom. I was doing one-legged squats whilst brushing my teeth and lost my balance, so put my hand on the (very low, cottage) ceiling to steady myself.

Work friends had a good giggle when I told them that one.

My flatmate at uni once ended up in A+E after nicking a big lump of sodium from the chemistry lab, getting pissed, filling the sink with water, lobbing it in then bending over to have a look.

Ooh some of these are cringe-worthy!

I had a bruised and swollen little toe a few weeks ago after kicking a trolley wheel - I was pushing it to the trolley shed from the car after doing the shopping, and being lazy in a rush I pushed it from the back end. Of course, the wheels are closer together there, and I forgot

My mum broke her wrist when she was a passenger on a motorbike - as they went over a speed bump!

My dad once dropped a glass door on his head while carrying it, but didn't have a scratch!

I picked up my mum from the airport at lunchtime as she's come out for a visit. I haven't spoken to her since - apart from to read her all the posts. Absolutely brilliant!

Mum used to always nag me to tidy my room, make my bed and look after things. One day I trod on my duvet which was on the floor, slipped as it was on top of a magazine and went flying onto my dressing table landing on the broken mirror I hadn't yet told her about. I now have a fetching scar on my cheek where a shard of mirror went all the way through. I tried to pull it out so she wouldn't find out but as you can imagine this resulted in blood spurting everywhere. She wasn't overly impressed!

When i was a teenager, in summer i used to love opening our fridge and sticking my head in the little freezer at the top dont ask why and then licking the icicles dangling inside, it felt sooo cooling! anyway this particular day i went to lick the icicles as usual, but somehow my bottom lip got stuck to the bottom of the freezer.

At first i thought it was quite funny but suddenly realised my lip was starting to freeze to the ice, i tried pulling but couldnt, lip was stuck! eek! i yelled for my sister who came and tried pulling my lip off the freezer....by now lip was starting to bleed and i was panicking my chin was also starting to get stuck.

Suddenly my sister shrieked that mum was comming downstairs! i was in a blind panic and a lot of pain, in one go i yanked my lip off the freezer, leaving bits of skin and blood dripping into floor of freezer and freezing immeadiately into the ice it was before the days of no frost and slammed the fridge shut.

Thankfully mum never noticed anything. My lip was all ripped, over the next few days i had a swollen lip with loads of ulcers, and couldnt close my mouth properly, i had to lie i'd fallen over and hit my mouth to anyone who asked it took a while to all heal up.

When moving house a few years ago I lifted the lid on the bottom part of my divan and it came up with such force, it caught me under the jaw and actually lifted me in the air. Went deaf for a minute then ended up having a scan in a&e as they thought I'd broken my neck, luckily it was whiplash but still took a year to heal.

Playing volleyball at school. Managed to return the ball, but with such force that I staggered back into the wall bars and chipped my elbow and pulled some tendons. No one would believe me despite the sling from A&E!

Walking down a slight slope arm in arm with my dad after a meal out for my 16th birthday, I slipped on a bit of ice and went over on my ankle. Told my mum it was really sore, but she wouldn't believe me. Next day it was up like a balloon and I had another visit to the docs. Torn ligaments and pulled muscles. Crutches for 6 weeks (plus another 2 as a little shit at school knocked me of my crutches deliberately! He got an accidental crutch in the balls )

I had an impressive black eye from the well know extreme sport of Poohsticks.

I tried to slam the car boot but as we were parked against a wall I had to stand to the side of the light block rather than directly behind it. Unfortunately my left boob got in the way of the corner of the boot. I had an impressive bruise when it came up!

Almost certain this is not the stupidest thing I've done though so I'll be back when I've had a think...

Oh, here we go. While making cheese sauce for the first time after leaving home I was getting a bit enthusiastic with the whisk as the lumps just would not disperse. I did the thing where the liquid starts to create a vortex in the pan and of course it splashed all over me. Quite how it ended up between my thighs and burning me through my jeans I have never figured out.

I also got a black eye from a beer tap. In a pub we used to drink in as students they had cages around the beer taps. It being St Patrick's Day there were lots of green balloons with shamrocks all over them. I leaned over the bar to shout my order and someone burst a balloon behind me. I turned around so fast I smacked my face against the cage. That one was fun to explain at my driving test two days later...

Quite a few years ago I was teaching a load of new recruits the importance of weapon safety and discipline around objects that can cause harm.

I promptly removed a knife from its sheath, it slipped out of my hand but I caught it again.

Unfortunately it was one of those weird catches where you just make things worse. I effectively pushed the knife into my right thigh. Not too deep but it bled a lot and it was terribly embarrassing.

I broke my foot by dropping a saucepan on it last year..

When I was a child I thought I was a tightrope walker extraordinaire (despite never having done it before) so I walked across a bar which was about 6' off the ground in the playground at a day camp obviously slipped and fell with it between my legs.. my.. lady area was all black and blue for a good while afterwards.

I put my back out taking a ginormous turkey out of the bottom oven of the Aga last Christmas Day. By Boxing Day I could barely walk and it took about 6 weeks to get properly better. Who said turkey meat was good for you?

i also have managed to iron my bump whilst pregnant. When I was 17 was giving my lady garden a trim with very sharp hairdressing scissors and cut myself - lots of blood

During particularly enegetic sex my ex DH somehow bent his willy, and had to go his GP to check it out. Had a massive blood blister on it which took ages to go

Oh yes, and an electric shock from putting my fingers down the back of the electric socket we'd taken off the wall to wallpaper. I, rather logically, thought I'd be able to get better purchase to turn it off if I braced my fingers behind the faceplate...

When I was little I loved watching Dr Who so my Dad decided to entertain me by pretending to be a dalek. Unfortunately, he ended up with a sink plunger stuck to his forehead which left a huge bruise for a week!

When I was little I ate fibreglass because I thought it was candyfloss.

I also got a plastic robin from the Christmas cake, embedded in my foot, which went septic.