Please remove your book from my knickers DS

[TheSkiingGardener]

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

"No DS, it's not a puddle to splash in, it's wee"

"No, don't splash your feet in it and then try to suck them!"

Said to 7mths DS who just grinned at me and carried on...

Just remembered another: "You are NOT Doctor Who, you will NOT regenerate if you get run over, BE CAREFUL ON THE ROAD"

me to my 7 month old nephew

"No, don't eat Auntie Nutty's shoe. It's still on her foot."

I'm sure there will be plenty more in the coming years.

"Please dont fiddle with your vagina at the tea table"

Don't put daisies up your nose
Don't play with my hair with your feet
Mmm yummy cucumber/yohgurt/eggs (things that I hate to eat)

"my flabby tummy is not an extra boob, DS, so please stop trying to latch on to it."

"Clock has got an L in it... Cllllllock..."

Said in every quiet waiting room, library, train station during my daughter's 2nd year while she pointed & shouted

"No, that man doesn't want you to try and speak African to him... Stop it now... No, it isn't being friendly... Yes he does look cross with Mummy... Let's go and swim at the other end, now..."

you really dont have to fight over feet, he has two you know

said to dd2 and gecko who were fighting over one of dps feet to give him a foot massage

There's a hippo on the floor of the bathroom. Poor hippo.

Are you brushing the robot's hair with your toothbrush? Won't he look smart?

"That is not a pirate, it is an elderly lady wearing a headscarf... Now let's play the quiet game"

scrotal my extra boob/ tummy is now a big joke and DS pretends to latch onto it and/or blows big raspberries at every feed.

my own fault for laughing the first time he mistook flab for boob.

"DD1, why are you wearing my shoes on your ears?"

This evening's gem.

This thread will probably go on forever!

I too have the latching-on-tummy-flab thing

fave this week "no wings in gym" not me but the poor gym teacher at DSs school on mufti day!

No darling, that's not a winkle at the back of my throat, it's called a uvula.

Have had the exact conversation this weekend. They are going to go to school and get it wrong arn't they ?

'Don't lick the dropped icecream off your brother's toes'

'No, daddy's car does not need to be washed with sand' (thank goodness DH did not notice how close his beloved steed came to the sandblasted look )

Fond memories here of the flab latch, too, although the chin/tip of nose latch is funny as well...

I actually used to deliberately get DS to latch onto my nose it was funny!

You know it's going to be a fun day when you've said "oh look DS, you've got bogey all over daddy's jumper which mummy is wearing - no, please don't put your hand in it..." before 8am

"no DD, it's 'tag, you're it' not 'tag yoghurt'" :o

(Upon attempting a lie in this morning):
Why are you solemnly presenting me with that raisin DS? Come to think of it, where did you get a raisin from? There are none lying around in this bedroom....Although....you did have some in your tea yesterday didn't you?
(Penny drops and I catapult frantically out of bed)

All to 6 yo ds in one evening:
Stop jumping up and down on the recorder.
Take the cucumber out of your nose. (Must remember to give them to ds in round slices, not 'dipping' slices...)
Stop chewing electrical cables

Sweetheart we can't buy people!

"Darling, I PROMISE your skin definitely won't just suddenly drop off. Skin never does that. It's attached."

@ Tag, yoghurt!

Just said to DD 2.10, "where exactly on the bed did you put your bogey? Oh on Daddy's side, that's ok then.
To same DD while she was brushing my hair, "yes mummy's hair does come out if you pull it that hard!"

To ds: Please don't keep saying at school - 'Hey mum remember that time you lay on top of me and squashed my willy flat' - they will think I'm a child abuser...