Please remove your book from my knickers DS

[TheSkiingGardener]

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

DD2, why are you hugging a pickle?

"Please stop presenting your poo, with a "Tadaaaa" - I do not need to see your poo!" - said to DS who has started "unveiling" his poo by lifting the toilet seat when I walk into the bathroom.

Another one I loved: " No, you cannot change your name to Aaron Stone. Yes, I am sorry we called you Daniel, but we thought it was a nice name."

spamm - DS does that with his willy

he's mastered getting himself butt naked, steps out of his nappy, throws his arms up in the air and shouts "TADAAAAAAAA!"

Weird - I did spell the acronym out, but had to revert to Weird .

There are days where a willy and a tadaaa would make me smile, but not every day!, But pooo...

I never knew having a child would be so much fun, but so strange as well.

Children are unfathomably amusing, yes. Apart from the poo/wee/vomit related stuff.

'Please stop drawing on the walls/floors/tv/your baby sister'

'cats are supposed to have long whiskers - please do not trim them again'

'the dog does not need a round of applause EVERY time she has a wee in the garden'

'no the cats do not have dry skin - please do not cover them in baby lotion/sudocrem/vaseline again'

'please leave my and your big sister's make up alone'

'lets wait and see if you grow boobies, turn into a girl and need a bra like mummy when you grow up'

Plus 'please take you hands out your pants/finger out your nose' said at least 15 times a day!

A small selection said to DS aged 3.5! :)

"How did he manage to just roll into the lake!? He was standing up and had reins on!?"

"Put these pants in. Do you want everyone in the shop to see your diddle?" ("Yeah .... ")

"Daddy is not drunk, he's brushing his teeth".

"Don't put half-chewed food in Mama's pocket!"

i am eating poo!! when asked for the billionth time what i am eating!

Darling it is "Nock Tock" not "C*ck" please stop shouting that in the supermarket!

ha ha the gingerone, DS1 wanted to call DS2 'Plonker', too much Only Fools and Horses I think

"DS please don't kiss my bum"

"No boogers are not yummy, dinner or supper DS, please stop eating them"

"I don't want to see your poo shaped like a snake or any other animal"

"That boy is not called Lemon"

Its not a batenburg sausage, its a battered sausage. Yes the wrapped up one BUT it's not marzipan.

"Yes, I see the pigeons in the road. You're calling them ? Tweet and Twat? Well, er, how nice."

"Have you been drawing on your brother with marker again?"

"Did you put Igglepiggle's blanket in the video, DS?" Now defunct.

"This bass speaker has a Matchbox Beetle, the heart shape from the shape sorter, an ancient biscuit and a bit of a sponge in it. Did you post these in?"

"Don't lick daddy's shoes, they have been outside"

"No you cannot drill your sister or saw off her head or limbs"

"How on earth did you manage to sleep with the umbrella under your pillow?"

"Stop drawing stars on your sister's neck"

hahaha these are all brilliant!
i have said on more than one occasion ' please dont lick the washing machine' and 'cars dont belong on the sofa'- obviously being a toy car :o

LOL to CrapBag..loving the talkname too...friends fan? :o

Yep lovec2t

What is it with funny shaped poo, poo in general, willies, licking and embarrassing mummy in the toilet or lifting up top etc. Loads of common themes here and I have been in tears!

You've got a present for me? How lovely! What is it? Oh. It's your verruca that you've just picked off?

Don't bite the dog, you wouldn't like it if he bit you.
Don't lick the dog, he isn't allowed to lick you.
Stop tickling the dog's feet - I know he is wriggling, he is trying to escape not having fun.
Get your head out of the dog's bowl, he will think your head is dinner and eat you!
All said daily, all taken no notice of. Poor hound!

Oh god the licking...has reminded me of this public transport gem:

'For the last time DS, stop licking that lady's bike wheels!'

"rabbits don't eat sweets"

"rabbits can't bounce on trampolines"

"rabbits don't need hats"

"please stop trying to shove a pen up my lady bits!" ( ds came in the bathroom just as I was inserting a tampon!) luckily I had trousers on when he tried this!

"where are my keys, where are my keys?! Now where's the strangest place ds could have put them? Ahhhh yes there they are in the tumble dryer!"

Haha, that reminds me of my sister when she used to dress up our poor cat in doll's clothes and make her lay in the toy pram and wheel her round the streets.

(children were allowed on the streets in my day.)