Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Please remove your book from my knickers DS

408 replies

TheSkiingGardener · 26/05/2011 07:50

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

OP posts:
notcitrus · 27/05/2011 18:36

No, we're not going to the doctor.
No, we're not going see the doctor.
No, you can't go to the doctor because it's time for us to go home and all the doctors have gone home.
No, you can't go to the doctor's when there's no doctors there.
No, we can't go to the doctor's tomorrow. You only go to the doctor when you're sick or need medicine.
...
Yes, OK, I was wrong and we are going to the doctors. Did you get chicken pox on purpose???

happymole · 27/05/2011 18:38

Please stop licking your hand and then cleaning the wall with it.

No darling, I'm relatively confident that a crocodile didn't just bite you.

FREEZE! Give the scissors to Mummy. Daddy doesn't like being chased around with you brandishing them and screaming. It scares him.

She's not a horsey, she a dog. Please stop riding her.

DD! Don't put the puppy in the toy box and put all your toys on top of him! He doesn't enjoy it. (Puppy is now thankfully too big for carrying so is safe).

Fabulous thread Grin

Original poster
TheSkiingGardener · 27/05/2011 19:40

Yes, it's still there and yes it still hurts if you do that.

OP posts:
aStarInStrangeways · 27/05/2011 19:45

Daddy is not playdough.

clairefromsteps · 27/05/2011 19:56

No darling, that's not a winkle at the back of my throat, it's called a uvula.

No darling, those aren't winkles on the moo-cow, those are udders.

That's right, darling, I don't have a winkle, do I?

Yes, daddy HAS got a winkle, hasn't he?

sjm123 · 27/05/2011 19:58

New one today. "No dd, I do not want to see the bruise on your bum". She's nearly 11.

Bumperlicioso · 27/05/2011 19:59

No that lady hasn't got a baby in her tummy Blush

shivster1980 · 27/05/2011 20:30

Take your foot out of your mouth - stop chewing your toenails!

Think our DS does yoga - he's so bendy!

Nosleeptillgodknowswhen · 27/05/2011 20:44

Have been crying with laughter and unable to speak when trying to tell some of these to DH!

Only one i can think of was overheard last week from next door toilet cubicle at mum and toddler group:
"wait, wait, wait"
"yes you have done a wee but it was a little early..."

jbcbj · 27/05/2011 21:03

"dd, can we stop kissing the penguins, please?"

while watching happy feet....

onebigchocolatemess · 27/05/2011 21:42

ME: 'Who put iggle piggle in the dishwasher?'

DS1 PLEASE take iggle piggle out of the dishwasher cutley basket, OK he CAN have a bath tonight with you, OK yes he a bit dirty after playing with Upsy Daisy Hmm yes now go BATHTIME!

FellatioNelson · 27/05/2011 22:00

Who put a potato in the washing machine?

FellatioNelson · 27/05/2011 22:02

Oh how funny - I posted without reading anything and now I see there is a washing machine/dishwasher with innapropriate contents theme! Grin

LiegeAndLief · 27/05/2011 22:19

Within 5 minutes at bedtime tonight:

No, ds, I would not like a tongue kiss.

Dd, please stop that, I have dribble running down my cleavage.

ShiverMeWhiskers · 27/05/2011 22:29

I got two more today.....oh dear
'no, you can't touch other people's nipples'
'please don't put your train in the cat's bum'

thegingerone · 27/05/2011 22:52

No, we REALLY can't call your new sister CHewbacca!

JoInScotland · 28/05/2011 00:21

"You need to ask before you grab someone's skirt sweetheart". While in the library, DS (just 16 months) spotted a girl in a pink skirt - he loves pink - and headed over to give it a good tug....

Coralanne · 28/05/2011 02:10

"Yes you can sit in in the trolley while we do the groceries but you can't tickle Grandma's boobies as we walk along the aisles."

SkipToTheEnd · 28/05/2011 08:28

When my dd was 3 - 'no, that isn't a little boy with an old mans head, he's a dwarf some people are just like that..... yes that's right sweetheart, he didn't eat his vegetables so he didn't grow up big and strong...'

'That's NOT apple juice. Put the pot down Now!!!'

'it isn't a legoman swimming pool, it's the toilet - NO don't flush!!'

'You cannot post your chocolate buttons in Nannys fire and catch the melty chocolate at the bottom'

'I am pretty certain he wouldn't want to come and have your bath tonight so we won't ask him no' (DD wanted to invite old smelly man on the bus for a bath)

lilmissmummy · 28/05/2011 11:03

'Thats right you cant have sex with your brother' after sex ed at school discussed very loudly in Tesco.

'People prefer to be known as lady and man not willy and no willy... please dont point at strangers privates!'

'your nose is not a pea shooter'

'get the duck out of the house' (we have real ducks)

'get the dog out of your bath' the Jack Russell likes to have a bath with the eldest child and will jump in if invited which the children think is the best thing ever.

Great thread!!!

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 28/05/2011 11:18

well I 'found' an audi tt in the tesco carpark, that doesn't mean its mine

'I 'fooooound' it so its mine!!!!!'

arrrrggghhh

kennythekangaroo · 28/05/2011 11:47

"Hair is not a handle."

Original poster
TheSkiingGardener · 28/05/2011 11:59

"Mummy's nose is tired now. Doesn't go honk any more."

That was a mistake to even start.

OP posts:
WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 28/05/2011 12:31

Both said to 22mo in the space of an hour this morning:

"DS, why are you licking Daddy's football shirt?"

"Stop licking the sofa!!!"

Trinaluce · 28/05/2011 14:43

"Well of COURSE the dog's eating Jesus, you kept hitting him with it"

"Yes I thought so. Your mouth is green. And this paper is now considerably less green."

Said by SiL to DNephew "Yes, Grandma's in that box, she's sleeping. Don't make too much noise please, we don't want to wake her up now." Sad and yet at the time (during the funeral) it was just enough to take the tension off and cause me to have to fight back the giggles. Anyone else familiar with The Giggle Loop?