Blackbird in my bedroom! Get it out! Get it out!

[HumperdinkFangboner]

what do I do?!

I have NEVER moved so fast, was in bed it flew in the window like a bat out of hell and I've ran out slamming the door behind me.

Now tell me it's likely to fly out on his accord whilst I do the school run?

Oh god this happened to me before and I posted on here for help. Was bloody useless! People were suggesting I touch it or catch it in a towel

In the end it flew into the bathroom and I very bravely (wearing dh's coat) opened the window and shut the door and it flew away. It did shit everywhere though.

If you have a gas mask and a boy's dressing gown on you probably have enough protection to face creeping to the window to draw the curtains a bit. Just don't forget to shut the door behind you.

I'm in bournemouth, is that near where you are OP? I think we could round it up

This happened to me once: came in from work, went upstairs to bathroom, went to loo, wandered over to the basin to wash my hands and in there sitting still as anything was a bloody great blackbird. I never ran anywhere so fast, out of the bathroom, slammed the door, down the stairs and called my DH to come home from work and sort it. I refused to go anywhere near the bathroom til he arrived home 20 minutes later (bless him) and transported it down wrapped in a towel.

The bloody thing died as soon as he put it down outside, I reckon it was on the way out anyway since it was sat so still in the sink.

I Dont Do Birds.

aj
How big was this spider? You got the guys at mini to get it out?

Get a tea tray, spray some adhesive on one end and place a bowl of water and a bowl of seeds on the other end.

Mr birdy will step on tray and become stuck. He wont be able to fly around and crap on top of your wardrobes and will have humane access to food and water until he falls asleep when you can tiptoe in and carry out the tray into the garden.

You will then need a passing magician to turn the tray, bird, bowls into stone to make a lovely garden feature.

Magicians can be found in The Yellow Pages or your local Thompson Directory.

lol keep, nice one

you drinking this early?

HUGE. If I knew how I'd post a picture! It's still there lurking - probably having babies. I did think she was being a wuss, but she really wasn't. Mini have stopped laughing long enough to take it in on Friday, but our lovely pest man is coming for a look later. Because it's disappeared into the ceiling we can't see it.

I was about to let rip at you for that keep, until I read on!

:o

Have you got hair spray? If so, go in armed with it and keep spraying until the bird is so stiff that it can't flap it's wings.
(well it works with bluebottles)

I found this in my garden pond, I am going to get some BugOff spray this afternoon

If it's still there could you try crouching by the door with a packet of Paxo and a tin of Bisto shouting "Roast!"? That might work

Actually, Suncottage, that creature looks very much like the kind of parasite that buries itself in the feathers on wild birds' backs. Really and truly. I've often seen them when rescuing birds from my house.

So the OP can take extra comfort from the thought of a little monster in her house perched on the jackdaw's back.

Oh my god, I am having palpitations just reading this.

Woodwork

Don't they lay their eggs in ear canals?

I've heard that that is so. The eggs hatch through the nostril, though.

Woodwork

Nasty - I don't envy OP.

Anyway back to the Golden Eagle that has set up home in her bedroom.

Or was it a Great Auk?

It is a lesser known fact that birds are easily hypnotised.

Do you have a Victorian, gold fob watch or a Paul McKenna anywhere in the house?

The bedroom is wrecked, he's sat quite happily on top of my chest of drawers. Shall I assume my contents insurance won't pay out for crow attacks?

I've been stood on the back step for an hour throwing food up and through the window, that plan did nothing other than to cover my bed with bird seed.

I think it's unlikely insurance will pay up - most policies don't include cover for 'pest damage.' I know this from when we had squirrels in the loft.

Seriously, I don't think food will help. Bird is too scared. You need to go into the room, make yourself big (spread out your arms etc) and move slowly in on the bird in a manner that forces it to fly towards the open window. It will be stupid. It will fly the wrong way. But you must keep trying.

(Perhaps brush the birdseed out of your hair first, though, to be on the safe side.)

I have often had a jackdaw in my bedroom; it/they fall/s down my (unused) chimney. I support what others have said about throwing a towel or some such over the bird, and carrying it out.

But then I'm not as scared of birds as the OP. :(

Phone the firebrigade. They do community work as well as putting out fires.

The wont send a big engine, it will be a man in a van.

Oh wow, still going on?

Hope OP and the bird are both ok.

My mascara is running now. I'm sorry OP, I'd be the same as you, but that pic that SunCottage just linked to was BRILLIANT.