Things you learned the hard way not to do again

[ItsJustAName]

Okay, so I was out and about and needed the loo and popped in to a public toiler. Only when finished did I realise there was no loo roll.

Never fear, I knew I had fresh handypack of hankies in my handbag.

I used one.

Olbas oil infused hankies do not leave you with a pleasant sensation when used as loo roll lol.

Nagoo, I feel your pain. Trouble is, I am addicted to chocolate - it is almost automatic to put something that I think is chocolate into my mouth, without actually thinking about it .

I did the razor thing too. It doesn't actually hurt at the moment you do it, does it? Stings like buggery afterwards though!

I know. It is without a doubt the most pathetic thing I've ever done.

Put a berocca in your coke can because you are hung over, while standing on a crowded tube next to a small Jewish boy wearing his best suit and yarmulke and clearly about to go to a bar mitzvah or something important [stupid asshole emoticon]

Put a razor in my spongbag without its guard on. I have done this three times now and have tiny scars on both of my index fingers, I think I MUST have finally learned.

Not to check ex-boyfriend's hotmail just because you set it up for him and know his password. I only did that once and broke my heart all over again.

Don't sew over your finger with the sewing machine; the needle will break in your finger. Do remember that you bought some long nosed pliers and that you know where they are to take out said bit of needle protruding from finger. Reader - it hurt... and bled!

Oh yes and to never again step on a cockroach in bare feet, feel it squish between your toes,and in horror hop to the 'water feature' to wash it off and feel the goldfish eat the cockroach off your toes. boak.

I. am. not. kidding.

"First time I shaved my legs I tried to wipe the hairs out of the razor using my thumb. I didn't do that again."

I did (do it again).

manatee "It's even worse if you have a wank."

yep, done that too...

at kenobi

christ, I've just thrown up a bit kenobi...

During a power cut, walk down the stairs holding a candle to guide the fightened cat to its supper.

(The frightened cat will trip you up. You will drop the candle. Before it goes out it will singe the cat and the carpet. Then you will step on the candle holder - one of those with a spike - and have to pull it out of your foot. In the dark.)

When taking a bath with scented candles, avoid putting them too close to the head end of the bath or you may set fire to your hair. When if this happens, do not be tempted, in your panic, to flap wildly at the candle as the ensuing wax will escape and get onto the carpet, the bathmat, the bath and your skin, diminishing your enjoyment of the relaxing bathtime experience.

Do not attempt to clean the sticky grass cuttings that haven't quite made it into the collecting basket, while leaving the motor running. That funny whooshy feeling near your fingers - that's the blade. Luckily I twigged that one just in time.

Do NOT try and 'freshen up' a stale doughnut in the microwave and then bite into it. Hot jam is VERY hot.

Soluble/swallowable lemsip tablets are one or the other. You cannot make them soluble in your mouth. You put them in a glass of water OR you swallow them.

It is however, hilariously funny when your OH does it and his mouth gets all frothy. Ha ha.

Dont trust a politition who says they will not allow disabled children's services to be affected by swingeing cuts (I didnt believe him but a lot of others are going to learn the hard way)

I didn't even MEAN to stand on the cockroach, but this was Australia and they were everywhere

I love this thread. How on earth do we continue to function as a species. It's like near misses from the Darwin Awards

Light a cigarette off a gas hob when hair is spayed into place with half a can of hairspray. I lost my whole fringe as a result and singed an eyebrow.

Listen to that little dull voice in your head. If it says "this guy is a loon, run for the hills" then for the love of god DO IT!

Don't confuse your contact lense solutions and put cleaner on the lense prior to insertion rather than the wetting solution.

Don't, when you are 9 and have watched your mother using cold wax strips, think "that looks like fun - I will try that tomorrow before I go to school"

Do not do fecking pregnancy tests early!!!

Don't play 'shots' with absinthe.
You will spend the next hour looking very doped up and wandering around like a lost soul.

Do not automatically believe and act upon instructions from the woman in the satnav, especially when you have 20 minutes to get to a meeting 20 minutes' drive away and she tells you to go in the complete opposite direction to the one you know you need.

Sniff boiling tea up the spout of the kettle.

I was about 10 and decided to see what tea smelt like, I shuck the end of the spout up my nostril and sniffed deeply... the result was very bad burns up my nose and on my face and a nice set of skin graphs....

I told everyone I got smacked in the face with a netball!

Second one is not to lick the ice cube tray after your dad tells you not to, my toung got stuck I panicked and ripped it off taking a nice chunk of toung with it. OUCH!

Go through the car wash with the windows open
Drink a sambucca while drunk and forget to blow out the flames

Stand too close to the car door and slam it hard so it hits you in the head and sends you reeling.

Done it twice.

If a bowl has been in the microwave for 5 minutes, chances are it's fecking hot. Might be wise to use oven gloves.

pmsl btw WorkingItOutAsIGo!

Do not run a laser pen (which the cat finds really aggravating) up your beloved wife's behind whilst she's bent over doing the laundry - not unless you want 2 years' worth of shit!

Oh, and I'm the wife, in case anyone wondered, and I still have striations on my arse from two sets of claws...