Things you learned the hard way not to do again

[ItsJustAName]

Okay, so I was out and about and needed the loo and popped in to a public toiler. Only when finished did I realise there was no loo roll.

Never fear, I knew I had fresh handypack of hankies in my handbag.

I used one.

Olbas oil infused hankies do not leave you with a pleasant sensation when used as loo roll lol.

If you are in a situation where you have a bottle of wine but no corkscrew, do not attempt to open it with a wooden spoon and a tenuous understanding of physics.

Aaaagh Darksideofmooncup eeeeeeeeeek I have got goosebumps reading that

Please! Don't put a magnet on your TV!

I should have said why, it was curiosity that got the better of me.

When I was younger I collected magnets and my dad bought me a really good one. He said don't put it on the TV but never told me what would happen if I did.

Within about 53 seconds I put it on the screen. It went green and the picture got sucked up into the corner where the magnet was.

I got one of the most memorable bollockings of my life and mum and dad had to get a new TV. I never did get my magnet back.......

Arrggh my 6yr old DD collects magnets - wondering whether to tell her not to do it (which may make her try) or leave well enough alone!

I've learned that the correct answer to the airport question 'are you carrying anything for someone else?' is 'no'...... because, when I answered 'yes', it turned into a very long afternoon indeed.

Always always always make sure that when you open the big up-and-over garage door that you open it fully.

Do not leave it hanging down assuming that everyone else will realise it's hanging down. Dh will not notice and walk straight into the corner of the door, nearly concussing himself, and however much you complain that he ought to have seen it, he will maintain that no-one in their right mind leaves it dangling so dangerously.

Never cut a bagel with your finger in the hole.

And I second the advice about not googling blue waffle.

The bile is rising but I am fighting it.

Is it wrong to really, really want to try to suck the tv picture up with a magnet?

Don't listen to my brother who told me gran would find it hilarious if I told her I had hurt my 'C U Next Tuesday'. My Gran thought she was the queen and would stand for no sillyness whatsoever, thank goodness I didn't, she would have passed out, but I did tell my Mum and can see her now belting upstairs and yelling my brother's name!

Older brother's, the devils work. He once gave me some sweets and told me they were delicious. They were plaque disclosing tablets!

However much he stitched me up like a kipper, he was always there to protect me and look after me at school.

Do not spray bathroom moouse round the bath and light it to make the bathroom smell nice, it does make the room smell nice but if you use a lighter which doesnt work properly so lean into the bath - you will scorch your face and have no eyelashes, eyebrows or fringe and then will have to sit with your face in a bowl full of water while you try to ring your mum to take you to hospital inbetween sticking your face back in the bowl and the doctor will laugh at you and you will have to take liquid parafin in your handbag on the night out you had planned with the lad you had your eye on and you will have to explain the story and he will also laugh at you and take the piss forever. I can still smell the scorched hair. {I was very young, stupid and impressionable}

Do not bleach your teeth with household bleach.

I am too chicken

Listen to signs when they say, "please do not ride your bike down the hill"

I've still got a scar on my head from heading into a ditch, and as well as the bleeding head wound and bruises all over my body, I received a wedgie so forceful that it bruised

Who knew going over the handlebars of a bike would even give you a wedgie.

Don't superglue photo frames to the wall because you got frustrated that the picture hook kept falling out. The glue keeps them up but you have to leave them behind when you move.

Don't laugh at DS when he does something a little bit naughty even if it is also funny because he'll just do it more.

Don't watch that Junior Doctors on BBC3 when they're based at the RVI, you have an irrational fear of a junior doctor accidentally maiming you, and you've got to bloody go there tomorrow!

Never not me, my mum get up late, and try to iron school uniform half asleep. Don't forget that you have already turned the iron on, and DEFINITELY, don't put the iron to your cheek to see if its hot yet. You will have to walk around for a fortnight with five steam holes burned into your face and everyone will point, laugh and take the piss!

I won't ever kick a child's toy lorry in fury when it's left lying around the kitchen again

Do not crush up and snort Mefanamic Acid (mild anti-inflamatory prescribed to treat period pains) even if you are a stupid teenager who thinks snorting stuff is cool. Seriously, if it has 'acid' the title, it is not going to feel good on your sinuses [still shuddering 15 years later]

Do not stick one of those high-chair toys with the suction base to your forehead and pretend to be a unicorn unless you want to spend the rest of the week with a massive red bruise in the centre of your forehead and all your family laughing at you.

Never ever go out in the garden on a damp night with no shoes on to rescue the cat.The horrid slimy sensation when you tread on a slug is indescribably horrid.

Try to lick an icecream drip off an old fashioned freezer door.

Leave car door hanging wide open when over excited at picking up sister from airport - very embarrassing moment as sister dead worried the car had been broken into and had to explain I had actually left it that way.

Leave front door swinging wide open in confusion of piling kids in car - there seems to be a thread developing here!

Walking through house with cricket bat as thought house had been robbed!!

If you are dropping a large carving knife the correct response is not to raise your leg to kick it out the way of your foot.

You'll be amazed the size of hole a blade tip can make in your shin.

Don't leave Deep Heat and Pile cream next to one another in bathroom. Easily confused when not wearing glasses...

@ southwestwhippets unicorn