Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

[pagwatch]

Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

and

[Lucifera]

I remember my father being very annoyed, when my brother was maybe 8 or so, to read in a school essay "After tea Dad sits in an armchair picking his teeth."

[ElfPantsAtMidnightMass]

playing tigers

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I remember writing in my news book of a Monday morning 'we went to the beach at the weekend and saw a portuguese man of war jellyfish and it had great big TESTICLES'

(yes in caps, obv meaning tentacles).

Underneath was a picture of said man of war, with great big massive tentacles coming out of it. Unfortunately I couldn't draw and it looked like a great big pink bollock with several willies sticking out at all angles.

The teacher pissed herself, gently corrected my spelling whilst giggling. I remember feeling HIGHLY affronted.

I remember this because obvioudly the teacher told the staff room and one of the dinner ladies knew my gran - my gran then proceeded to tell everyone. Forever.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

x posts with the other tentacle stories.
Great thread pag.

[WeirdFamily]

"wrinkly purple tits"

"playing tigers"

"Unfortunately I couldn't draw and it looked like a great big pink bollock with several willies sticking out at all angles"

OMG I think I may have given myself a hernia

[DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor]

Ah yes. I remember stating that an octopus had 8 testicles. And talking to my mother about microscopic orgasms which were really really small.

[Theantsgomarching]

Oh god..Flashback!

Mu mum had this lovely moisturiser stuff called cyclox or something and I asked her if I could borrow her cervix!!

[ElfPantsAtMidnightMass]

My friend told everyone at school that her favourite story was Rumpled Foreskin.

[DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor]

It's probably a good job DD was only 3 when I got some letters mixed up and read "We're Going on a Bear Cunt" for her bedtime story.

[NutellaIsMyHeroin]

My friend has just posted a picture of a Christmas card her DS made at school. It had a picture of Santa on it, with the words "I know my mum is really Satan."

[lazarusinNazareth]

School parties yesterday- a girl had knocked over her drink and was complaining to the teacher that the table was wet. He said -very loudly- 'Don't worry, it's only a wet patch, I know all about wet patches and they're nothing to worry about!'. He couldn't understand why the other teacher and I were pissing ourselves laughing!

[ElfPantsAtMidnightMass]

Nutella! You must ask if you can post it on here

[lazarusinNazareth]

Ds2 told his Year 1 teacher I gave him alcohol when he felt ill. She approached me and asked me if it was true. I was a bit flustered and then remembered- no, I give him CALPOL! Not alcohol!

[theladylovescupcakes]

I LOVE THIS! Rumpled foreskin!!! I am crying with laughter and my DS is sitting going "what's funny, tell me??!!"

[IWillCountToThree]

"I know my mum is really Satan."

ROFL!!!!

[crazygracieuk]

My ds wrote "Mummy did stripping with the stripper." in his school diary including a pic of me holding a long tube. He had forgotten to write the critical word- wallpaper.

[maize]

Little girl in my class wrote 'fahk you Santa from xxx'

We edited it a bit before posting it.

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

DD (4) has severe asthma and confused her tummy and her chest in A & E. In other words she said her tummy hurt when it was really her chest. So, we thought we should use 'proper' names for body parts. Bad move.

Last week the teacher told me that a boy pushed her in the playground, she landed on her front and DD cried, 'you hurt my vagina!'

[bullet234]

1: The time that Ds1 decided an episode of Pocoyo was more exciting than his own life and wrote it up as his own. Albeit complete with picture of ill pink elephant.

2: The frequent times he insists on using his and his brother's full names, middle names and all, at every opportunity, including his Christmas Card (which was a glittery spider's web) to us.

3: The time the only thing he had to say about a holiday was that he had eaten weetabix in the caravan.

4: But he does always draw me as tall and willowy .

[runningmonkey]

This is brilliant.

I get called Mum a lot by my students which is always amusing when its a 15/16 year old.

A few weeks ago during a lesson on the dangers of electricity one of my year 11 boys told me his Dad had accidentally wee'd on an electric fence when out fishing and got an electric shock through his penis. I am not going to be able to look him in the eye on parents evening.

[MaureenMLove]

I had an e-mail from a friend just this week about these sorts of things. Not sure where she got it from, but it was simply called, 'From the Mouths of Babes' It included things like:

In the war time, children were evaporated, because it was safer in the country.

The total is when you add up all the numbers, the remainder is an animal which pulls Father Christmas on his sleigh

A mosque is just a church, the main difference is the roof is doomed.

On our holidays dad wanted to ride the hores, but mum said they were too ekpensiv.

[RoseMortmain]

Oh god, I've just remembered being in Y6 and having to do a talk about My Family.

I told the entire class that my dad flew fighter jets and if he got into trouble and thought he was going to crash then he had to ejaculate out of the plane.

Couldn't work out why the teacher went purple .

[FrostyAndSlippery]

Brilliant!

[FellatioNelson]

My friend is a teacher and she gets loads of these and salivates over them! She once told me of a boy (whose mother I vaguely knew) wrote in his diary, with accompanying illustrations, on Monday morning:

'This is mummy asleep on the sofa after she had too much drink in the pub at lunchtime. She fell on the floor'


When I went to parents evening once my son was showing me his work book while we waited to see the teacher. There was apicture of a large rectangle with what looked like about ten ants crawling on it. The caption was:

'These are my headlice. Mummy got them out and laid them on a tissue to show me.'