Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

[pagwatch]

Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

and

[AbsofCroissant]

My DN told her teacher that when she grows up, she wants to be just like Mommy and Daddy and spend the whole weekend naked in bed.

They swear that she made this up.

My niece wouldn't do a thing like that, would she?

[rimmer08]

i am afraid i am a secondary teaher but i can tell you lots of stupid/funny things they say...

1. miss why is CUNT such a bad word?
   
2. When hamsters are in them little balls, are they happy or are they trying to get out?
   
3. henry VIII liked big balls
   
4. Test answer- an epidemicis someone who works on a farm

[RiojaLover75]

madav cringe

[xstitchsnowscene]

The police turned up at the door of one of my colleagues because her son told the teacher she dealt drugs. She was a a pharmacist so dealt with drugs

[IAmReallyFabNow]

In Year 3 my son wrote "for Christmas I got vegetables in my stocking."

[TwentiethCenturyChristmasCarol]

I once heard my Dad joke that he had a drinking problem - he couldn't get enough of it. Of course I repeated it at school to my teacher Just to make it worse, my Mum was the headteacher.

[huffythethreadslayer]

I remember writing a story when I was young about my dad throwing his dinner up the wall when he got back from the pub. I was a great little writer and I used some beautiful descriptive words to describe how the food slid down the wallpaper.

My mum and dad would have been horrified, but I have to say, that's what a lot of my younger life was about.

Nowadays I'd undoubtedly have been on a register of some kind.

My dd, though, used to tell nursery that if she got in trouble at home her mum always threatened to bounce her off the decking, which was two storeys up. They said she had 'a very special way of linking behaviour and consequences'. I was constantly waiting for social services to call round :)

[MeUnscrabbly]

My brother once wrote a story called 'Nag, nag, nag'

It was about my mother

[bluebump]

I have a story from when I was little that i've kept as it makes me laugh so much. It says something along the lines of "we went to the fun fair and we went on the waltzers and my daddy shouted to the man to make it spin faster and when we got off daddy was sick! He still remembers that and swears it was the last time he went on waltzers!

[Littlefish]

A child once told me that their mum and dad had to buy a new bed because they had broken theirs playing tigers.

My, how I laughed when I saw the mum on the playground.

I also got caught out when working with children on pictures of their houses. On little boy drew a castle. I had a gentle word with him, and asked him to draw his real house because "you don't really live in a castle, do you".

Turns out, he did! Or at least his dad did, so he stayed there in the holidays. .

[TrinityMotherOfRhinos]

lol littefish

adversecamber, lol so fuuny, I like your name too

[hankythechristmaspoo]

My ds, in year 1. Circle time talking about feelings. Just for extra effect they had the deputy head for that session.

'So children, what makes you sad?'

DS eagerly puts up hand and says 'It makes me sad when my mummy makes me eat her poo'.

The little sod. He was then questioned and was adamant it was true so had to be pulled aside and questioned and finally admitted it wasn't.

The class teacher was in absolute fits when she told me and actually had to turn her back on DS when telling me.

She is now DS 's teacher

[hankythechristmaspoo]

DS 3's teacher

[Catnao]

Two of the children in my class wrote in their news books that they spent the weekend in Portugal with each other! They really definitely didn't, but were adamant about it and describing it ("Really big buildings"!) that I almost began to wonder if it were true, even though I had SEEN one of them with my own eyes on the Saturday!

My mum has kept my older brother's news book and showed it to me the other weekend. One entry reads "I came downstairs and my sister was watching Saturday Superstore. I asked if we could watch Batman instead. My sister said "no". So we didn't!" So - at least I had him in his place....

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

Back at school after camping in the summer hols , doing their news... DS2 told the teacher, ' Mummy got drunk every night with her best friend and fell off her chair'

Sadly it was a) true and b) I work there as well

[Galena]

I also had a Year 3 child who came to Roman day in the most fantastic outfit - a tunic with gold trim and a wreath of golden leaves etc round his head.

I made some comment about his super outfit and he said 'My mum wears it sometimes for parties'

It was knee length on a 7 year old!

[DilysPrice]

DD wrote a poem for homework recently at great length about how horrible it was to have a nagging mother who was really mean and having a go at her all the time. Since the reason I had been being the meanest mother in the whole world was because I was trying to get get to write her bloody poen for homework I decided not to object.

[WriterofDreams]

It wasn't about parents, but one year 1 child said to me, "I love you. Your trousers are wrinkly, but I still love you." I was pmsl and had to hide it from the poor child who was giving me serious googly eyes.

[panettoinydog]

It is such a hoot when these insights come out. One boy recently wrote an (unintentionally) v v funny poem about how he hated his big teenager brother. You were in the house with them all.

[TheBolter]

My story isn't nearly as funny as these, but I do remember my teacher cackling with laughter then giving me several house points at my diary entry summarising Spring half term when I was 8:

"On coming down to breakfast I found sitting at the table a very ratty mum."

(Ratty being a word we used to use for cross.)

At the time I didn't see what was so funny, but as a mother of primary age children I can now see how the antiquated writing style (like Pag's dd I too used to write - and speak - like a ponce-in-training) that described the clearly 'pissed off that it's half term' mum was rather amusing!

[MissClavel]

This is not as good as the rest of these, but when DS 2 was in reception, he got the hang of writing suddenly at some point in the summer term.
They learnt the word 'out'. The teacher encouraged them to use it in a sentence. DS carefully, and perfectly, formed his first sentence: 'You can go out to the pub'.
No idea where he got that idea from.

[sarahscot]

At the start of a new school year I asked my primary 2s (same as yr 3 in England) to write about something they loved about P1 and what they were looking forward to in P2.

One wee girl wrote "In P1 I loved Mrs Smith because she had wrinkly purple tits."
(I think she meant tights.)

The same girl wrote a piece about a special person and chose to write about her baby sister. She wrote that "Janey's favourite thing is boobie. She loves lots of boobie and does it all the time."

[pozzled]

My mum asked a Year One class to write an account of sports day.

One little girl wrote about how in the parents' obstacle race, 'Mr x fell down and his penis rolled all over the playground'.

She meant 'pennies'.

[RoseMortmain]

From a Year 1 writing book - Miss Harlow liks cok.

He hadn't got the hang of the magic 'e' .