Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

[pagwatch]

Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

and

When my son was in P1 he wrote My mum kisses my dad, my dad kisses my mum, they both kisses each other. Thank god he stopped there.

Arf at rolling penis

oh thank you, this has cheered me up so much after a rubbish day!
i described my mum as an orphan in a story i wrote at school. i was still upset my grandad had died and very into the musical annie. my mum was about 42 and amused to be compared to annie

My nephew and his dad were visiting the Nursery for the first time. The teacher took them to see the toilets and while there my nephew said he would go for a wee. Dad stood outside next to the Nursery teacher while nephew shouted from the loo to his new teacher: "do you know I have a little willy. My daddy has a very big willy. Very big indeed. Don't you daddy?" lol

Tears running down my face at "Miss H liks cok".

Whilst I was about 2 months pregnant with DD2, DD1's nursery class had to try to draw someone in their family and she drew a picture of "Mommy holding a bowl and being sick in it", which to be fair to DD1, I was like that most of the time! The nursery teacher gave me a very knowing smile when the children came out of class that day!

PMSL at this thread.

DS once wrote about DH and I that we went out on saturday night and daddy had blue hair and was showing his chest

we went to another parents 40th birthday party which was fancy dress, conveniently he forgot to write this bit.

Oh, this is great - keeps reminding me of other things!

We were doing weighing in maths and the children were asked to weigh different things from their tables. One girl weighed a 'penis case' - it was 300g!

Not with a teacher, but at Brownies.....Brown Owl told me that she'd tried to ring, but our phone seemed to be out of order. When I got home I told my mother who replied very frostily with "YOUR father hadn't paid the bill, so it was cut off". Cue next week at Brownies...."Don't worry Brown Owl, the phone was cut off because Daddy hadn't paid the bill".

When I got home I told dm not to worry, because I'd explained to Brown Owl why she couldn't get through. Didn't understand why she didn't appreciate me being honest.

I have just wet myself a little at 'playing tigers'...

"My Dad likes to eat cumtwats"

(kumquats)

Didn't share this with his mother.

Pmsl at "cumtwats"

DD's teacher when she was in Yr 3 made some sarcastic comments at parents' evening along the lines "Oh yes, the things she tells us about what goes at home".

I resisted the temptation to slide under the table and muttered something along the lines of "well she tells me all sorts about what goes on at school".

I never dared ask DD what the hell she'd told her teacher.

A girl in my primary school ran screaming up the yard "teacher teacher francis lacey got kicked with the football and has broken his tentacles"

Still can't look at her now without laughing

when I was little we lived in married quaters and some of the women worked or voluteered to clean the estate, I think they called them wombles at the time, aka tv series. but at 4 in reception when asked what our parents do I told them she worked the streets.

also argued with same teacher that you have three sets of teeth not two, milk teeth grown up teeth and falls teeth, I told her I know i right as my mum has falls teeth.

when not much older we wrote a story, i cant rmember what it was exactly but about someone who was hanged in the olden days, and thinking I was being very descriptive i wrote he was hung like a black man. my mum was horrified to have read it when I brought it home.

false not falls.

Oh god... I'm crying!

It makes DS1s use of the word "fukkin" in his Y2 written work look positively tame.

"Daddy broke his leg when he was dancing in Mummy's boots and fell over."

"Mummy got excited and threw wine at Daddy."

for 3 weeks running dd2's homework diary said "do planning shit" - it seemed a very strange way of putting it.

She meant planning sheet...........

My dd, 3yo at the time, had a small fresh scratch on her arm.

A nursery nurse asked her how she got it.

She said, "Mummy cut me." and before anyone could say anything, she added "with a knife."

Trying to make a recovery, the NN said, 'Oh, but I am sure it was an accident'.

Apparently dd looked really serious at the time and said, 'No'.

PMSL at "mr x fell down and his penis rolled all over the playground"

Love all of these especially the tentacles and penis bits! Ds1 once came home and said he'd been kicked in the peanuts. When I asked him what he meant, he said that X at school had told him the proper name for his willy was his peanuts.

My daughter once convinced her nursery tesacher she had had no breakfast or lunch because I had 'had too many beers at a party' and couldn't get out of bed. She told them she had walked to nursery on her own (at 4). They gave her chocolate cake.

I was actually at work and she had been to private nursery in the morning and my dad had picked her up after her lunch and dropped her at school nursery!

I was a bit that they phoned her dad to check this - we are divorced. Fortunately he laughed as the party had been for his teetotal mother's birthday.

One of our pupils talked in some detail about his father's vascectomy during literacy one day.

His parents would be mortified!