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Original poster

Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

334 replies

pagwatch · 16/12/2010 13:22

Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

Blush and Grin

OP posts:
dementedma · 19/12/2010 22:54

my older brother had to describe his mummy. he wrote "my mummy is little and fat. She drinks brandy and smokes cigarettes". All true, but she has never forgiven him and he's 50 next year!

SevenAgainstThebes · 19/12/2010 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToriaPumpkinHead · 19/12/2010 23:07

Loving the baby Cheeses and Katie Cointreau Xmas Grin

I also made the nymphomaniac/pyromaniac mistake, only to my guide leader, and I actually told her that my mum said I was a nymphomaniac, she stood and looked at me for a good ten seconds before she could think up a reponse.

A Christmas one from when I was teaching, it was on placement so the children would have been Primary 3, and we were preparing for the Christmas Concert. Cue one little lad very proudly singing "Gloria, Hosannah headache Chelsea!"

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 19/12/2010 23:09

My sis told the teacher that Daddy had a great weekend - he got to go to a party AND he got to camp downstairs in the living room.

AngryPixie · 19/12/2010 23:40

In my first year of teaching a child came in and told me that his Dad had taken him to a church in the middle of the night, and it was full of grown ups he didn't know, and there was blood everywhere. I wrote it down word for word and rushed to see the child protection officer, images of satanic rituals buzzing round my head.

She burst out laughing, because she had seen this particular child at the church the previous evening (about 6pm) because she was donating blood there, as was his father!

Xmas Blush
MamaMimi · 19/12/2010 23:40

One of my charges, when he was in Yr2, wrote in his news book 'my daddy had an operation on his willy'!!
Yep, he'd been for the snip the week before.

confuddledDOTcom · 20/12/2010 00:03

I remember my careers teacher at school talking to us and telling us how he'd had a girl come to see him with her parents during parents evening and tell him she wanted to get into soliciting...

westlake · 20/12/2010 01:03

At my careers evening my dad and teacher went all funny when i responded to "so what to you want to do when you leave school" and I said "I want to go into soliciting"

I didn't get it all the way home, and dad refused to explain.
I am now fully aware thanks people, and very embarrassed.

Unwind · 20/12/2010 01:11

Surely pyromania is more of a worry than nymphomania Xmas Confused

MargueriteArgeneau · 20/12/2010 03:22

At a family gathering, DD aged three announced to DH's sister and three brothers, "The difference between mommy and daddy is that daddy has a pencil on his front."

DH gibbered a bit. Although I would never tell it to his siblings, he is quite generously endowed. At the time I just snickered at the horrible teasing he endured Grin

soccerwidow · 20/12/2010 08:53

My Reception class a few years back...

"Annie's Daddy had a sleep over at my house last night"

"My Mummy isn't Daddy's friend anymore - he has to sleep at Nannys house because Mummy saw him kissing Billy's Mummy"

This was the SAME Dad! and they are still on/off now - about 5 years later! I really don't know why some people do it to themselves!

Another time a Year Two child asked me,
"How to you spell PONCE?"

I was thinking all sorts when I asked her "What is the rest of your sentence?"

"Once, ponce a time"

soccerwidow · 20/12/2010 08:57

oh and my own lovely DS only last week!

I was picking him up from nursery, he saw me then shouted, in front of his teacher...

"Hello Mummy, don't smack me Mummy, You Smack me ALL the day."

for the record - I never smack although my DH sometimes does (slight bone of contention)

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 20/12/2010 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confuddledDOTcom · 20/12/2010 19:40

westlake, how old are you and where are you from? Would be funny if it's the same story!

westlake · 20/12/2010 20:01

OMG I didn't see your post lol! It was 1991 and in Grimsby.... how absolutely weird is that!!!!

dementedma · 20/12/2010 20:04

a teacher friend of mine became concerned when a little girl in her class was obviously very tired because she says "Daddy has been coming into my bed and sleeping with me"
When gently questioned as to why Daddy sometimes slept in her bed she replied "because mummy farts a lot and it smells horrible!"

melezka · 20/12/2010 20:08

Mimi, when DD was about 3 she stood in a queue in Boots, holding people back on either side, saying (over and over) "Careful...Daddy willy sore" (same reason)

confuddledDOTcom · 20/12/2010 20:57

Not the same person then! This would have been a few years later and a different area.

Our careers teacher was telling us to know what we're talking about when going for an interview as obviously that's not something you'd want to say to an interviewer!

lololizzy · 21/12/2010 00:30

ha well done Toria', glad it wasn't just me!
Blush

Ria28 · 29/12/2010 08:01

When I was 6 I told my teacher all about my grandad the pirate Blush - not my fault, that's what he and my dm told me, he thought it was more interesting than naval officer!

Antalya1 · 01/01/2011 17:14

A few years ago, youngest ds, who was about 7 at the time, was in the school football team, one winter Saturday morning all parents and boys gathered and took shelter in the changing room, one of the boys dad managed the team and wandered off to find out when the match would kick-off while we all sat there waiting and chatting.

A little sister had come along and was dancing about, managers ds decided to announce at this point that his dad danced for his mum all the time..ahh that's nice we said...'yes, he puts mummy's underwear on and dances around the bedroom for her' Grin

All said in front of a collection of about 14 mums and dads and the rest of his football team!!

HughRinal · 01/01/2011 17:37

had an 8 year old who wrote tha in she lived in the county of 'Sofuck'

AnnOnimous · 02/01/2011 23:12

My DS was aged five and told me a boy at school had said the F word.

This story took ages to tell, and ended up with the punchline that ''Jack had said the word Phooey''.

I burst out laughing with relief, and my DS said : ''I know mummy, for a moment I thought he was going to say FUCK!''

animadura · 07/01/2011 16:08

My niece put in her news book that her Mummy and Daddy shag a lot. The teacher wrote 'snog?' helpfully in red pen. But my sister said she probably meant 'shout'.

fridascruffs · 07/01/2011 19:57

These were better in the kids' original writing, but better typed out than not at all:

History
In wartime children who lived in big cities had to be evaporated because it was safer in the country.

Maths
The total is when you add up all the numbers and a remainder is an animal that pulls santa on his slay.

History
Sometimes in the war they take prisners and keep them as ostriges until the war is over. Some prisners end up in consterpation camps.

Religious studies
A mosque is a sort of church. The main difference is that its roof is doomed.

Religious studies
I asked my mum why we said old men at the end of prayers at skool, I don?t know any old men apart from grandpa.

Holidays
On our activity holiday Dad wanted to ride the hores, but my mum said they were too ekspensiv.

Maths
I would like to be an accountant but you have to know a lot about moths.

Geography
The closet town to France is Dover. You can get to France on a train or you can go on a fairy.

Maths
If it is less than 90 degrees it is a cute angel.

The Arts
?and at the end of the show we all sing away in a manager

The Arts
In last year?s Christmas concert, Linzi played the main prat. I played one of the smaller prats and I would like to have a bigger prat this year.

Science
Helicopters are cleverer than planes. Not only can they fly through the air they can also hoover.

History
Then Joan of Ark met her end. She was burned as a steak.

Science
Crabs and creatures like them all belong to a family of crushed asians.

Geography
In geography we learned that countries with sea round them are islands and ones without sea are incontinents.

Religious studies
If you marry two people you are a pigamist, but morons are allowed to do this.

History
Sir Walter Raleigh circumcised the world with a big clipper.

Geography
In Scandinavia, the Danish people come from Denmark, the Norwegians come from Norway and the Lapdancers come from Lapland.