Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

[pagwatch]

Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

and

...my four year old's news...

I am a teacher and once I put the word symmetry on the board and asked the children if anyone knew what it meant (year 1). One little girl called Kimberley put up her hand. Is it where you take flowers to dead people miss?

Got Ds's diary home and he had written about the family.

My little brother is lovely and we call him Little Bear with the curly hair.

My dad takes me to the park and we have fun (very rarely actually).

My mummy goes to the pub a lot.

we were in an International school and on his photo profile in the hallway it had their name, nationality, fav colour etc.

had a closer look and Home was under Sweden! Sweden - we're from Swindon FFS!

My best one as a child was when I was about 7 and we were talking about what our fathers did for a living. I had asked Dad the night before in preparation and he said that if he told me he'd have to kill me. I faithfully relayed this the next day and insisted that it was true. They called Mum in who told them it was true, no one really knew what Dad did because it was top secret military work.

Everyone thought tgat my Dad was James Bond after that and my teachers were desperate to meet him! He's actually an arenautical engineer.

That*

Aeronautical*

Nothing interesting from when I was a teacher, but my nephew, who is on the autistic spectrum, had just discovered nipples the last time we all went out to dinner as a family. He spent a lot of time in the restaurant shouting loudly about how we all had nipples but that they were useless as they didn't do anything, and then proceded to show his grandparents his own nipples by standing up and unbuttoning his shirt so he could show them both off at the same time

They were very and he thought it was hilarious

A festive one...

My friend who is a teacher was asked by a kid how to spell 'cheeses'. She thought it was a bit strange, but spelt it out for him.

Later she read in his story about little baby Cheeses in the manger.

When my daughter was about six years old, it bucketed down with snow - similar to what it's like at the minute and, given her age and the fact she'd never seen snow like it, I let her have the day off. I blatantly lied and told school I couldn't drive anywhere due to treacherous conditions blah blah blah.

The following week it was parents evening and her teacher opened up the page and pointed out what my daughter wrote just a few days earlier.

"Yesterday, my Mum let me stay at home just so we could make a snowman"

BUSTED.

However, nobody to date has topped what my eldest brother told his teachers - that my other brother was dead. The entire school prayed for our John for two days before learning the truth.

These are so funny. I remember a girl in the room I worked in as a nursery nurse saying very importantly after drawing a picture for her daddy "my daddy has a very hairy bottom"

Furry willy? Jeez. Now that's something I've never yet seen.

Doing portraits of friends in art (Y3).
I was discussing skin tones with a little girl who was of mixed parentage. She stroked her own arm lovingly and said 'Yes, miss, because my skin is sort of like the colour of warm honey, isn't it?...' then she poked my arm 'and yours is more like a sort of putty colour, isn't it?' Sadly, I had to agree!

My daughter announced that she knew what mummy's favourite wine was. I thought, oh hear we go, she's going to sa sauvignon blanc, and that's mildly embarrassing but big deal I guess. NO!!! she said mummy's favourite wine that she ALWAYS drinks is house white.

Good job there's a recession on, people nodded sagely.

lol at putty! Mine is Tipp-Ex pale blue for basildon bond myself.

Oh the house white reference reminded me of another precious moment: We were in a restaurant and my son (4) asked what sort of soup was available and I said you should ask the waiter. So he asked "what sort of soup do you have?" and the waiter said "Let me see...soup of the day..." and my son said "Oh good, that's my favourite!"

Arf!

My DD's year 2 class were being quizzed on what their parents do, and she said "my Mum spends all day on Mumsnet" [cringe].
I don't, honestly I don't! I do work from home on the computer sometimes though.
DH has often joked I am mumsnetting all day, I could've slapped him!

"Mum beats Dad all the time but she says I've not to mention it to him cos he gets embarrassed"

The poor teacher had to probe a bit more to make sure it wasn't as it sounded and then thought it hilarious to share with me at the end of the day.

"I believe you're quite good at playing Scrabble Parly?"

"Erm.. not too bad. Why?"

"Well..............."

I wrote a poem about dinosaurs in about P2 which included the line 'bashing and bonking each other all day'. Oh dear oh dear.

DD told her teacher in reception that 'Daddy works at the Home Office'. Yes, you've guessed it, it was our spare room. He has changed job now and has a long commute. DD has the same teacher this year and has told her that 'Mummy is very tired and sad because Daddy has left us and gone to work in xxxx' . She neglected to mention that Daddy does in fact come back every day.... I was wondering why I kept getting really sympathetic looks and head tilts from her and the TAs....

On a Christmassy note, I spent twenty minutes at work last week trying to persuade a girl with EAL that the song goes 'and all the angels sang for him' not 'asians'.

Also had a child come in to school really late the other day and tell me that mummy had said he could bunk off if he liked but that he had persuaded her to get out of bed and bring him in. I was very proud of him.

My DD isn't at school yet, but told DS teacher this week that "she needed a wee from her willy, because it's freezing teacher. think we need some anatomical chats in our house.

Apparently when I was about 5, I wrote in my news book:

when my daddy goes to the toilet he stands up except when he's tired and then he sits down