Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

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Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

and

I'm so glad to know they're still doing this stuff at 15 :o

I still have a piece of work I did when I was a bout 6. My dad was ill and in hospital and was in a 2 bed room on a male ward. I drew a lovely picture with the sentence "went to see daddy today, he's in bed with another man"....

in primary three at catholic school i was asked to give examples of what you would do when someone was sick(ill- the answer they wanted was to pray for them, help around the house etc.) my answer was "get a basin"

lol. practical tho, more use than a prayer tbh!

i'd like to think so.. nowt to so with my mother having a hangover the previous week! love this thread!!

I had a little boy tell me how his dad wore mum's underwear and ran around the house... Wasn't quite sure what he meant, but both me and assistant tried to show any surprise... (until we went to th staff room)

Was also told that "my mum and dad do the sexy a lot"by a 7 year old and when another one went "ewwww" in disgust he turned to her and said: "Your parents did the sexy too, you know. Twice, for you and your brother!"

The best was however, when I worked in reception... with 4 and 5 year olds. I asked for daddy's name and the little girl insisted her dad's name was "Dad". Then someone else said: "Yes, but what does your mummy call him, that's his real name." To which she answered: "Cuddles" Very cute.

And... showing a picture of some reindeer and asking the kids what they were, one of the little ones brightly said: F**ing deer! Again I avoided my assistant's eyes and the class didn't bat an eyelid. That afternoon at pick up time I told the mum in question who proceeded to get v angry with her husband, for swearing in the car when driving through the park!

Hoping my kids will keep teachers entertained with less offensive incidents...

Mum was mortified to go to her first parents' evening when I was five and be greeted with a picture I had drawn showing Dad and my uncle doing wee wees out of trees onto their sister...Dad (for some reason best known to himself) had told me this story about Bad Things He Did When He Was Little. I was greatly impressed and decided to immortalise it in Art.

I still laugh when I think of my rather straight-laced friend who, in an RE lesson aged about 15, answered the question of "and what did Mohammed do on the hill at sunset?" - instead of Mohammed meditated on the hill, by saying; "Mohammed masturbated on the hill"

Absolutely classic, the rest of the class fell about in tears of laughter while my friend and the teacher tried to pretend she'd given the correct answer and continued on as normal!! :o

These stories are just brilliant - my sides ache from laughing so much. Thanks everyone and keep them coming x

In my next life, when I have children I am DEFINITELY home-educating them, and gagging them when out in public.

dd1 rang sobbing from school one lunchtime to say her food tech ingredients had been confiscated. She'd picked up the wrong carrier bag from the hallway and instead of taking the ingredients for a fruit salad had rocked up at school with a bottle of cointreau and 1000 marlboro lights...
she's still called Katie Cointreau at school years later.

I bet the teacher confiscated it. Good times were had in the staff room that day, I'll wager!

i had to go to school (to collect my duty freesand drop off kiwi fruits,melon etc etc.
the office staff were pissing themselves laughing.

My dad was a fireman and i loved watching him build some huge bonfires... I informed my mother that i wanted to be a nymphomaniac (pyromaniac) when i grew up...

My class were drawing pictures of themselves doing hobbies/out of school activities.

As I walked around the class chatting to the children I did a double take. One girl had drawn herself (head and shoulders) holiding what appeared to be a huge anatomically correct erect penis to her lips.

As I stood there frantically thinking about how to best deal with the situation (child protection issues running through my head) the LSA (who could see what I was thinking) said 'hasn't Lucy done a lovely picture of herself singing kareoke'

Raised eyebrows at carpet time when DS informed the class that I had 'buggered off to Shanghai for three weeks'.

A friend's little girl said VERY loudly in the swimming pool family changing room: "Daddy daddy do that thing where you tuck your willy between your legs and pretend to be a girl!" she said the silence was deafening.

Rostbeef, that is HILARIOUS

When we started our Myths and Legends topic, we asked the class if anyone knew what a Legend was. A girl raised her hand and said "Is it an album by Bob Marley?"

bloomingnora- what a cool kid though!

Very cool! She did rather ruin it later that morning by asking us whether the green troll we were using as an example of characterisation did lots of recycling....

arf at rolling penis & wrinkly purple tits

(am only 1/3 of the way through atm but had to get that in )

And I've just rememebered that my friend is currently immortalised on the wall of her son's school with enormous circular breasts!

Oh God we should keep this thread going for ever - nightly comedy - my sides are sore.
Rostbeef - nearly got sick laughing!!

My son told me the stones outside our house are 'fecking stones' and are different to other stones. (DH keeps telling him to stop throwing those fecking stones at the car!)

He told his teacher that baby Jesus is up in our attic and mommy will let him down at xmas!

On the wall at the school was a description of the mums. My 8 year DS had written that I had blonde hair with a black stripe down the middle. My roots must have been needing done!