A very late good evening girls, Im not around much am I? Think I should be in hibernation, thats how I feel. My side has been sorrrrrrrrrre all day, my back is sore and I cant sleep, keep waking up before the birds! Kids have had Sats tests all week, this afternoon their teacher came to me and said how amazing they have all been all week under pressure. She said she was worried about them, but they have all been confident, heads down and worked hard. They come out of school, I have a smile on my face because I am proud of them, we come home and 2 out of 3 give me hell, and I mean hell. What is it, sometimes I feel I can do nothing right. H is ok, chemo next week, he went to see the onc yesterday and they are not going to restart the oxaliplatin because of the tingling and numbness. They feel he has had enough anyway, as he was on an exceptionally high dose which he has tolerated better than most, he has been amazing, never complains, makes me feel Im a fraud moaning about a sore side, even though its been 7 months now. Then I was deeply upset tday to see a picture in the Mail of Farah Fawcett, a close up of her dying in her bed of bowel cancer, H used to like her, I used to tease him about it, I came home and took the page out of the paper so he wouldnt see it, it was so sad. FG you have a wonderful memory, yes it is Matthews remember day coming up, the 2nd, but its not that, at least I dont think it is. 15 years, how can it be 15 years? On the 9th July he will be 30, I cant imagine having 30yr old child, I feel in a time warp. Anyway.......................on a brighter note I have found us 4 nights away from the 25th, a lodge in a woodland valley in Somerset with a private hot tub, www.exmoorgatelodges.co.ukthats if H`s chemo goes ahead next week, we all need to get out of these 4 walls! Right I must go to bed.....................sorry to be "down" it will pass! Kale Nits, Shabs you and me need a meet up! xx