Thank you Ruby, that is lovely stuff to say xx.
I just hadn't seen him for much longer than I wanted and I feel like that must have said I didn't care. He was such a loner of a man and so private that he wouldn't expect anyone to give up doing anything for him........but I would have done anything to have a few words with him alone. I always 'got' his sense of humour and MIL never did. I sometimes wondered how he got through a lifetime of keeping his creative/intelligent side under such close wraps. When I was with him, I just used to ask him anything I wanted (within reason!). DP and his brother, sister and MIL would say 'oh, he never talks about that stuff normally' and I would think 'because none of you EVER ask'.
I loved chatting with him but I didn't ever get much opportunity to do so alone or at a time when he would feel free enough to chat properly. Some things are left unsaid and I wish it didn't feel like that. I want to see him on my own so that I can say those words out loud to him and hope that he will hear them.
He had such a lonely life. He was evacuated at an incredibly young age, for 9 years. His father died really young and so he always had to be an independent spirit. It made him seem almost standoffish. But, scrape away slightly, and he was so amazing. He just didn't reveal it often. I hate feeling the unsaid.
DP is in bits. He hasn't had many deaths in his life. He's doing really well, but its hard to see him so torn up.
Thanks. Just needed to write all that.