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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Original poster

Help - just found out am expecting twins and very upset

104 replies

ConfusedBiscuit · 30/01/2008 19:09

Hi I'm new (!) and am just looking for some non-judgemental help and advice. Please be nice to me!

I am 12 weeks pregnant, had my first scan today and found out I am carrying twins. If I'm honest I would have to say that I am devastated by the news. I was so happy when I found out that I was pregnant and now feel that all the happiness has been taken away from me and my situation seems so unfair. I just think ?why me??.

I really love babies and was so looking forward to the first year but feel sad that with twins it will be so much more stressful that I won?t be able to enjoy it and am also sad that I will only experience the baby stage once if we only have 2 children which is likely.

I am also self-employed and was planning to keep working part-time after the birth but feel this will be so much harder and that anytime I spend away from them will be doubled as there are two and I won?t have those experiences with a later child.

I am worried about simple, stupid things like how I will go out shopping etc on my own with them. I could really imagine how this would be with one child but the idea seems impossible now.

Even I think all this sounds incredibly selfish and I know that twins can happen to anyone but at the moment I just feel as if I?m trapped in a nightmare and can?t wake up. Looking on the web etc there just seem to be endless people who are overjoyed to find they are having twins and I feel like an alien in comparison.

Sorry for babbling on. I feel like I need someone to give me some objective advice and don?t know where to start.

OP posts:
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BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/01/2008 19:12

There are loads of parents on here with twins, I am sure someone will be along soon.

Congratualtions.

TrinityRhino · 30/01/2008 19:14

Congratulations
Please keep talking to people on here, there lots of people with twins on here who will help you with how you are feeling.

iamdingdong · 30/01/2008 19:18

Hi biscuit, I know exactly what you're going through, it took me ages to get used to the fact that my carefully planned, timed to perfection first pregnancy involved having twins! Like you i had my career plans sorted around havign 2 kids but with a couple of years, rather than minutes, between the 2 of them! However, mine are now 4 and are an absolute delight. i won't pretend for a minute that the first few months aren't hellish, or that it is easy having 2 toddlers puling you in opposite directions... come and join us all over here lots of multiple mums none of whom are entirely sane

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 30/01/2008 19:34

biscuit - do go and say hello and/or stamp & scream on the Multiple Births thread (click dingdongs link below). The thread may seem like a chatty 'in the club' thing but they are very friendly, very knowledgeable and very understanding. I'm sure a lot of them started with similar feelings to you. They can certainly sort out the practical things like how to shop etc.

I don't have twins but I did have 3 children in less than 3 years. It is hard work at the beginning but when they reach pre-school age it makes working from home very easy! There are as many benefits as drawbacks to having your family in a very short space of time. Best wishes xx

piximon · 30/01/2008 19:39

Hiya biscuit, I was also shocked when it was confirmed I was having twins (they're my third and fourth and 13mths old today), although I had suspected it as felt so rotten. I was really stressed and came on here and found good advice and good friends.

For me, having my first (singleton) baby was really hard. Although it was military planned and took several months the reality of finding myself at home with a newborn was really hard and it took me a little while to adjust. I found little things like leaving the house a nightmare. However I must have adjusted pretty quickly as I'm expecting number 5 in 8wks and my firstborn is shortly to have his 5th birthday. In fact I laugh when I look back on those days about how easy it was and I think of that now when I'm having a bad day and know it'll get easier.

I do understand what you mean about all the things you will miss out on by not having just the one at a time. I think most multiple parents have gone through this themselves. The whole having to share yourself and your time between them is tough and it doesn't get easier but it's not something that they will ever know differently and they will grow up with a companion who can hopefully entertain them while you're working.

Anyway sorry for rambling, just wanted to offer you my support and say that whilst it's sometimes not all good, it's not all bad.

glamourbadger · 30/01/2008 19:46

hey there ConfusedBiscuit - when I discovered I was expecting twins I felt exactly the same. Everyone said how blessed I was but I could only focus on the negatives. I spent a long time resenting all the lucky mums with one baby and kept asking "why me?".

Two years on and I have to say having twins was the best thing that ever happened to me. Once they begin to interact it is amazing to watch them develop - one baby would be so boring! Mine are great company for each other and entertain themselves for ages. I never feel bad for leaving them to play alone as they always have company.

The logistics of taking twins out and about is more difficult but you will find your own way of managing this. You get to know your limitations and what is possible on your own and work around this.

Keep talking to people and get it all out. It's great that you are facing up to how you feel so early on. In time you will look back on this post and smile - there is undoubtedly one written by me that reads exactly the same

theslownorris · 30/01/2008 19:48

Hi! Like Piximon,I have an older child then my twins. There is an 8 year age gap between the eldest & then the dt's as I was convinced I couldn't cope with anymore chidren . I found out at 8 weeks that I was expecting twins because I had been bleeding. We had gone to the EPU anticipating bad news only to be told that there were actually 2 babies . My two have definitely gained by having each other,particularly with starting school,they've always got someone they know .

iamdingdong · 30/01/2008 19:50

where do you live biscuit, perhaps one of us is nearby and you could meet up?

Original poster
ConfusedBiscuit · 30/01/2008 20:00

Thanks so much for all your replies, I'm amazed that there are so many so quickly.

I'm hoping I wil feel a bit better when I get over the shock, but don't know where I am at the moment.

dingdong - maybe it would help to meet up with someone. I'm in SE London

OP posts:
piximon · 30/01/2008 20:03

oh biscuit, I moved out of SE London (Woolwich) earlier this month. I'm in Exeter now, but I'm sure one of the London mums will be in touch. Do you have support from a partner/family?

Wilkie · 30/01/2008 20:03

My sis sobbed for about two days when she found out she was having twins. She was gutted. Now they are here, hard work but gorgeous. She does say she wishes she had them at different times but she can't do much about it.

FWIW - you are not an alien, I am scared shitless that I will have twins because she did.

Congratulations though and think of those cute little bubba's swimming around in there.

Chin up xx

iamdingdong · 30/01/2008 20:05

you need Mars she is N London and a doula, runs ante natal classes for twins, generally all round super mum with about 15 DCs she'll be along shortly

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 30/01/2008 20:08

You will get over the shock.

be happy.

I would love to be in your shoes

bubblagirl · 30/01/2008 20:14

i'm a twin and my mum said it was hard to start with but we had constant playmate so was easier in that respect of entertaining

i love the bond i share with my twin brother and think its wonderful to have a twin

my mum says althouigh its hard its twice as rewarding and once you get yourself into a routine its not as bad its just more planning

i hope you get used to the idea soon as you truly are blessed

i would love twins just for the sheer fact of how close i am with my brother that special bond

Idobelieveinfairies · 30/01/2008 20:15

It is a shock biscuit! But once the initial shock is over you will start feeling better about it.

You will be fine, and you will cope, you will be able to go shopping with them. They will have a great bond for..most of the time...and sometimes that will take the pressure off of you. With 1 baby/toddler it is you that will have to entertain them, with twins they get on with it (usually).

I think you will be suprised with the amount of twin mums that would actually like to go on and have another set of twins (i know lg&t is hoping) and i got 2 sets too.

Everybody loves twins and you will have lots of offers of help i am sure.

You are very very lucky!

This site is great for information and experience so get them questions going!

unyummymummy · 30/01/2008 21:16

Hello sweetheart - reading that i felt as though i had written it myself. I found out at 6 weeks that i was expecting twins after a bleed. I should have been over the moon that i had a baby at all let alone two, but all i could think was 'why me'. I grew to get excited as the pregnancy progressed and when they were born my words to my husband were 'i feel sorry for anybody that only gets one'.
My twins (girl and boy) are 15 months now and I won't lie as it is bloody hard work - more than double the work. simple things like getting to the car from the house are a mission in themselves. Bringing them both downstairs from a nap and just carrying them into nursery are difficult but it is also wonderful and far from joyous every day, but just think about the poor cows that have to do it all twice.
Nursery will be wonderful for them when you go back to work because they will always have each other. Your little family will be all the better for the fact that they will never be alone. My friend says that you only get twins if you can cope with it.
I have days when i still think 'why me' but it's totally normal to feel bewildered, scared and annoyed at the prospect of twins. If you want to call me ever, i will happily give you my number and answer honestly any worries that you have and tell you how we have managed to do the shopping etc.

Just think - it could have been three!!!!
Good luck love jo
xxx

triplets · 30/01/2008 21:39

Indeed, it could have been three! This will cheer you up, I was almost 46 when I gave birth to my trio, yes having more than one is hard, but it is special, and there are lots of advantages, both going off to school the same time, not getting one up and struggling with a baby, you will look at them and melt and it will be fine, truly. Its exhausting, can be frustrating, but don`t forget you get double the love and kisses, xxxx

accordiongirl · 30/01/2008 22:32

There's lots of good stuff about it! You get your "two" over and done with. It is really double the love as well. Welcome to come visit us in Kings Cross if you want to see real time twinnies in action.

MommaFeelgood · 30/01/2008 22:59

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MommaFeelgood · 30/01/2008 23:01

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triplets · 30/01/2008 23:10

Or even three!

MarsLady · 30/01/2008 23:17

I don't have 15 I have a mere 5! lol

When I was growing up I always always wanted twins. It sounded so romantic. Then I had 3 children (stopped at 2, third ignored the contraception... like it in life now). Went on holiday, decided to have the 4th (we couldn't afford the ones we had but felt that 4 would complete us). Twins! I laughed hysterically for about 5 weeks. My husband's first words were "Hello... Vasectomy department?"

It is a HUGE shock and incredibly overwhelming. I do hope you look back at your original post one day and laugh. It truly is a blessing. A hard work, wish I didn't have to do this sometimes, love adore and could murder them blessing, but a blessing nontheless.

We're here! We've been there. Do click the link and come join us. There's always virtual cake and tea (I provide the virtual alcohol).

Oh and in case it's not been said

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Heathcliffscathy · 30/01/2008 23:19

awww mars you are so lovely

MarsLady · 30/01/2008 23:24

come dancing or I won't talk to you again. Will be there for 10 so don't disappoint or I won't be lovely! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

bellabelly · 30/01/2008 23:31

Confused biscuit - not in SE London but hoping to move there very soon (if we can sell this place!) - would be happy to meet up for a chat next time we are over your way househunting. My twins are nearly 6 months old now - have to say that I CRIED at mt 12 week scan - totally wasn't part of the plan to have 2 and now I honestly wouldn't change it for the WORLD - I really mean that. Email me on [email protected] if you want to chat more and do check out the multiples thread (d'ya ever....) - there's LOADS of support there for you.