Help - just found out am expecting twins and very upset

[ConfusedBiscuit]

Hi I'm new (!) and am just looking for some non-judgemental help and advice. Please be nice to me!

I am 12 weeks pregnant, had my first scan today and found out I am carrying twins. If I'm honest I would have to say that I am devastated by the news. I was so happy when I found out that I was pregnant and now feel that all the happiness has been taken away from me and my situation seems so unfair. I just think ?why me??.

I really love babies and was so looking forward to the first year but feel sad that with twins it will be so much more stressful that I won?t be able to enjoy it and am also sad that I will only experience the baby stage once if we only have 2 children which is likely.

I am also self-employed and was planning to keep working part-time after the birth but feel this will be so much harder and that anytime I spend away from them will be doubled as there are two and I won?t have those experiences with a later child.

I am worried about simple, stupid things like how I will go out shopping etc on my own with them. I could really imagine how this would be with one child but the idea seems impossible now.

Even I think all this sounds incredibly selfish and I know that twins can happen to anyone but at the moment I just feel as if I?m trapped in a nightmare and can?t wake up. Looking on the web etc there just seem to be endless people who are overjoyed to find they are having twins and I feel like an alien in comparison.

Sorry for babbling on. I feel like I need someone to give me some objective advice and don?t know where to start.

Hi again biscuit. Glad you're doing better. Something I found - when i was pg and went to see my friend with twins who were eight months old then - scared the life out of me, I have to say. she left me in the room with them and ran away to do something (now i know how this happens!) and they both stared at me at once, four blue eyes, and i was freaked OUT! so don't worry if going to see the existing twins doesn't soothe you as you might expect, cos it might seem a bit daunting, but they're some way along the path - you get to start at the beginning.

Biscuit - glad to hear you are feeling better. There's no doubt that twins are hard work at first - just have to try and get some routine going - my 4th DS (10 yrs) gets very bored because 'there's nobody to play with' but when you are part of a 'set' you always have someone. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. The feeling of being a twins mum is wonderful xxx much love xx

Just make sure that whenever people say "Ooh, you're going to have your hands full!" or "Buy one, get one free!" (like it's the first time you've heard it, grrrr!), you rope them in for at least one babysitting session. I wish I'd done this with my twins; I could have had a very easy life that way!

In my experience (mine are 5 now), the golden rule is discipline, both for you and for them. First and foremost, if you can establish a routine for yourself, it makes life a million times easier. Secondly, if you can get them into the idea from day 1 that YOU'RE in charge, not them, you can maintain your sanity too! Finally, be disciplined with other people (particularly the inevitable visitors who will want to descend in the early days) by learning to saying 'no', and by accepting help when it's offered. People often assume that having twins is much harder work than it is in reality, so capitalise on this by not disillusioning them!

One other thing - repeat the following mantra 10 times daily: "I'm a mother of twins: You don't scare me!". It got me through my driving test the other day so it definitely works!

All the best, sweetie. xx

Good to see you biscuit!

Blimey, Mrs Rawlinson, that's strong advice...

Gosh, it was rather, now that I read it again in the cold light of day! Sorry about that!

Don't worry, Biscuit, having twins won't necessarily turn you into an ogre like it did me!

xx

I thought it was quite good advice though . I already think a bit like that, ie. if I can give birth to twins and survive the first MONTH (so far) then there's nothing I can't do .!!!

Hi biscuit, nice to hear from you, glad you are feeling better. Very much agree with what mrswralison about roping help in!

Hi Biscuit,

I'm in Dulwich with 8 month old twins if that's anywhere nearby and you want still want to meet twin mums? I cried solidly for several days after finding out I was expecting twins, but it has been fantastic. Hope your pregnancy is going well.

Sandra

How you doing now biscuit?
I like the sound of it, but I've always struggled with the roping-in thing. Partly because my people aren't very rope-inable - my ma's a wheelchair user since before I was born (bought up me and my brother anyway) and dad's pretty flaky and a disabled himself too.
But mainly cos I just never feel that anyone else would be able to manage the two without me. I don't think this is in my head, either.
It's now getting better tho, and I do now rope in MIL to give me a hand in the evenings sometimes, she's great with them but couldn't deal with them without me. SIL had a baby at the same time as me, and has had her hands full but I'm leaving the girl with her for the first time next week while I take our boy up Gt Ormond street to find out about his operation he needs. And my dad came round in the middle of the day last week, made me lunch and watched one twin while I got the other one down for his nap.
Oh and FIL lives other side of the country and my brother runs a restaurant and drops round every three months only!

Oops soundless screaming from upstairs, he's lost his voice again, but somehow still manages to make himself heard! Chow!

Forgot to say tho that they're all very supportive and helpful in other ways, particularly on the end of the phone! But also helping with paying for people to help, which is very very much appreciated. So HELP can come in many forms, biscuit, that's what I'm trying to say.
phew got there in the end

Hello twinsandra, I come from DULWICH! What bit are you in?

Hi Confusedbiscuit ... glad you're feeling better about it Think it's fine to have ups-and-downs about it. I am absolutely delighted to be expecting twins and was right from the beginning, but that don't mean I don't have the odd freakout moment like HOW BIG IS THIS ZEPPELIN GOING TO GET? Surely I will soon POP!

Looking at Egg's DT photos made me so excited about seeing our LO's! They are soo cute.

And congrats to mrs Rawlinson for passing your driving test

Pxxx

Hiya - am a newbie here, ive got three month old twin boys. We were pretty freaked out too and towards the end of my pg it seemed less real than when i found out! But despite the hard work it is truly great, and to be honest its not been that much harded than with my DS1 cos ive been better about getting a routine and sorting their sleeping than i was with him.

I agree with mrs rawlinsons mantra, my personal one i use when they are both kicking off is ... 'you are only babies you cannot hurt me!' and try to smile at the same time!

Take care.

Hello fizzy! I saw you over on the multiples thread but not had time to chat there yet. Welcome .

Agree with you that I find it somehow easier with two this time than I did with one las time. It might be that I have a vague clue what I am doing after having a DS already, but also that I am sooo organised this time, it is like a military operation, and it makes me feel secure somehow!

I also still forget I actually have twins. I was out at softplay with DS1 last week and babies were at home with my lovely doula, and I nearly said to one lady there that I was expecting twins .

hello biscuit & welcome in the words of my ds1 (4.2) 'you are very very lucky to be having two babies' and he means it, having to live with his 10 mth old brother & sister is hard going from only child to eldest of three

he knows all the answers to all the questions when we get stopped in the supermarket, I often think 'why me' usually when I am tired but double the smiles and double the giggles makes it worth it.

Pop on over and see us on the multiple thread, we will help you through

Hi there Biscuit, I haven't read through the whole thread but just wanted to say hi because I am 25 weeks PG with twins so I know what you are going through! I have had a few meltdown moments where I wonder how on earth I will cope (especially when I see people struggling with young children/babies and imagine how much more of a struggle it will be with two). Are yiurs identical or not? Mine are non-identical.

The good thing is you look PG much quicker (but get very big toward the end I suppose!), everyone else thinks its wonderful and treats you really special, and eventually you will come to think having one baby is really boring!

As for antenatal care, I just had the normal 12-week scan, normal 16-week appt with midwife, 20-week scan then normal meeting with obs. Normal midwife appt at 24 weeks. I will have another scan at 28 weeks to check the growth of the babies, see the obs again, and see the midwife next at 30 weeks. I will also have scans at 32 and 36 weeks.

I started a thread for expectant multiple mums but didn't find any but if you want to chat to me there as we are both going through it at the same time, it is here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2290/453417

How far along are you now?

Here even!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2290/453417

Hi, I'm an nanny looking after twins. Haven't read the whole thread but noticed that you're in SE London. Here's details of a twins club you might be interested in contacting They really are very supportive there and you'll meet lots of people in a similar position to you. They do some antenatal groups and invite people who are pregnant with twins along to the playgroup to meet parents of twins.
Congratulations!

I remember when I found out I had twins (first time mum, no experience of babies!).

scanner: "Do twins run in your family?"

me: [happily, totally not registering the implication of her words] "nope!"

scanner: "...they do now!"

me: [brain implodes]

I spent the next few days unable to say much except "oh god" and "we're doomed! Dooooomed!!"
And apologising to my other half, who I had the (unjustified!) idea might go running for the hills.

We had no money, no car, and a rented one-bedroom flat on the 2nd floor. Actually... we still have all those things!

But they're 6 months now, boy/girl. And completely amazing. Plus, you get to belong to the "mother of twins" club, which gives you the inalienable right to blow off all unnecessary demands on your time with "are you kidding?? I have TWINS!". And get away with not cleaning the house, or getting dressed. OH, and you get to think really smug thoughts when mothers of singletons moan about how tough they are finding it!
You also think up a million catty replies to the following: "Bet you've got your hands full!" and "Gosh, I couldn't cope with twins!"

It is hard, but it's also special. It makes you feel special, and that your babies are special, too. (yeah, I know, they all are!) Like you, I mourned for the one-on-one baby bond when I was pregnant, but what I ended up with instead was something... I can't say better, 'cause I can't compare, but... differently awesome! The idea of having just one baby at a time feels weird and incomplete to me now! And I don't think my OH would have had the same full-on-fatherhood-equal-involvement experience he has if we'd just had one.

I blabber. I stop! I just wanted to say you're not alone, and you'll be fine!

How are you feeling now Biscuit?

Hello!

So sorry I haven't been around for ages - seem to have been permanantly ill for the last month and have been really busy too - joys of pregnancy!

Am completely overwhelmed with the number of responses to this thread. You are all so lovely and helpful and supportive and it really helped me to get things into perspective.

Basically I'm still not thrilled with the idea of having twins, I never wanted two babies and that hasn't changed. I know we will cope but I don't see the point of pretending everything is perfect when it isn't. However I'mnot hysterical of panicky about it like I was when we found out. I am lookin forward to meeting my babies (although still terrified about the birth!) and am getting on with all the practical stuff - see my car thread!.

I will try and join in with the regular multiples thread - it grows so quickly I can't keep up!

Hello biscuit, don't worry I have lost track of the multiples thread too. I always do .

Sorry you have been feeling rough, I started feeling better about 16 weeks I think. I can't remember how many weeks you are now.

My DTs are still lovely. Although one is crying at the mo so I had better go. We need a new car too, still got a golf and can't all go out together at the mo. Will have a look at your car thread to see what advice there is.

Completely second what kateri said - well put!