Went through our finances and we're fucked.

You aren’t fucked. But you need to stop spending your way out of misery. It doesn’t work

can you cut every credit card up?

The websites for ideas on cutting back are great. I suggest getting free debt advice from one of the organisations to understand how to prioritise the debts that you have and what to offer each. You need to do both.

The fact you're both on the same page is a huge positive.

Agree with previous posters, start selling stuff a good clear out is amazing and you'll make some money.

When we were struggling we'd miss a week food shopping and have 'concoction' food, literally anything I could find in the cupboards or freezer.

This time next month you'll be in a better position financially and mentally x

It’s not true that you’d never be able to get a mortgage after a DMP, you might not get the best rates but it is still possible

I had around £18k debt and started a DMP with Stepchange, I’ve now paid it off within 4 years and I feel so much better! It was a hard step to take but I’m so glad I did

Not helpful.
I'm sure you are aware ADHD can affect people's spending habits.

@ClusterFukt can you get a second job ?
Do you have a hospital near you ? We are crying out for staff , you could join as bank staff so you could work round your husband's shifts.

You're not a bad mum @ClusterFukt you said yourself you have 3 great kids so you are doing a good job of raising them to be decent people. Please don't ever think about killing yourself over money - that would be a billion times worse to them than not getting many Christmas presents!! The older ones will understand about Christmas this year and the younger one can get lots of cheap stuff.

I hope things look a bit better in the morning, they normally do. You have been given some good advice already re getting out of debt, not much to add to that. Make sure you get your high interest loans paid off first, credit cards are normally the worst unless they are 0% - move on to 0% cards for a while if you can and make a note when that offer ends so you can move the debt again to another 0% interest card.

Don't worry about saving for a deposit yet, just take baby steps to get yourself back on track. Sounds like you and your husband both have good skills and can earn good money in future. This is just a temporary blip so stay strong. You're not the first and you won't be the last to get in a financial muddle, I've done it myself too in the past.

How old are the children? If you are chronic over spenders you need to rethink Christmas. It’s perfectly possible to have a lovely time on a smaller budget

You are going to be absolutely fine but you need to sort it now and not in a year ect when it's horrendous .

Lots of great advice on here.
I just wanted to share that we had 30k of debt and we are doing an DMP after speaking to stepchange. We are now in our last year of payments and its honestly been great, it's taught us real money management skills.
As it is a DMP it just takes some of the interest off but doesn't impact your credit score.
So once we have paid this off we will be able have a mortgage also I have even seen people get a mortgage whilst in a DMP.
We even took out car finance whilst in it.

The first year or two is tough and give yourself wiggle room when filling out your expenses.

Please get in touch with CAP or Stepchange or similar. If mental health/ADHD are part of the issue they may be able to negotiate further with your creditors. Please don't despair.

Please speak to StepChange! I was in a similar situation a few years ago and they quite literally saved my life by taking over my debts. I had a similar amount to you but on far less money. Zero interest is added to all my debts - I’ve for £3,000 left to pay and it’s been a hard slog to get it down but I don’t see red letters everyday anymore. It’s quite strict in terms of budget and a bit of a shock - my food budget was slashed, Christmas is likely to be £50 - £100 each etc. its tight and different but changes everything. It’s scary now but you can do it.

Phone Step Change. You got this OP. Been there, done that,feeling is terrible, once you start taking control it's 'll feel much better

As you live in London, could you get rid of the car, and put the money you spent on that straight into a standing order to one of the companies?

Yes it is helpful to point out that the OP is in a better postion than many, and it seems is even able to save £250 per month. That shows the OP that she shouldn’t feel too down hearted.

A bit of careful budgeting, cutting down on meals out and takeaways, switching to a cheaper car to cut down car payments and the OP will be able to save hundreds more.

Hope you got some sleep eventually.

You seem fixated on getting a mortgage one day, which I get, but that's stopping you dealing with some of this stuff properly now. I think you need to accept that won't happen for a long time anyway and focus on this now.

Speak to one of the debt charities. If you need a DMP then it could be better in the long run.

You’ve had some really good advice here and hopefully it’s helping you to see that there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel

my advise would be to get rid of all the direct debits and standing orders that you don’t need. So as previously stated, Dutch Amazon prime etc

council tax
water
electric
gas
tv licence
car insurance Mot & service
internet/mobile

switch internet and switch phones to sim only if you’ve not already

council tax is a different debt, it’s your priority debt over all others. This years bill is your priority over the Spa for £40 and bailiff. But whatever you do don’t default on these as the costs escalate quickly with them.

Join the no spending thread on here. Spending is ultimately making you unhappy and if you can both break that habit you be far happier.

there is a website https://www.childcare.co.uk/find/Babysitters many parents want someone older and experienced. Get yourself a profile on the site. Upload your dbs and certificates and ID don’t pay any money- if someone is serious about wanting a babysitter then they’ll pay to contact you. £12 hour is the going rate round here and you work when you are available. it’s the type of side hustle that could probably bring you in a steady £200 a month average over the year, which doesn’t sound much but if you put it all towards your council tax spa as extra payment it’d help clear it sooner.

when I was strapped a few years back and my children were young. I brought a z bed second hand and put both my children in one bedroom and hosted foreign students over the summer. This developed into me having a student for 3 month in the autumn and it was decent money tax free. ( renting a room is tax free till £7000 0per year) it’s different than a lodger as you know there jyst with you for 12 weeks. Yes you feed them but I had 2 D.C. so it was just an extra. I’m starting to do this again after covid and it’s 12 weeks at £200 weekly. This is a decent amount of money in my opinion, my dds are adult do I have a genuine spare room. Living in London there is a bigger chance you may have something local.

I think you are underselling the power of your kids. Mine help me spend less. We have had periods where we were skint and they help me spend less. And they've been doing it since they were small.

I also really rate teaching your kids about money. Talk to them about budgeting and get them to come up with ideas. This family is pretty amazing. instagram.com/the_arielb?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

OP was in a panic and hadn't slept? And didn't even know the rates on her debt. She needs to calm down. Plan. This is all resolvable.

This. Look at the moneysavingexpert advice on not funding Christmas with debt.

If your DC are old enough to understand, explain that Christmas won't be as lavish as it has been in the past.

If they're small, they won't notice if you spend very little.

Then for next year, as part of your new budget, work out a reasonable amount to spend on Christmas and save towards it each month.

@Wallywobbles. You’re so right, D.C. will help with cutting back on spending but also are open to change to help.

I explained to mine that sharing a bedroom for the summer wasn’t ideal but it’d get us out of a sticky situation they were happy to help. It’s family all chipping together and everyone playing a part

Close all your on-line accounts, delete your card details from phones and laptop.

You take out cash for the week and that's all the money you have for food/petrol/take away.

Nothing is purchased on line without it being an absolute NEED and you both agree.

You absolutely BOTH need to get on money saving expert debt boards for help, support & encouragement.

Credit card debts are expensive. Either get a free balance transfer card (then cut up credit card), or consolidate them on a loan with a lower interest than the credit cards,

Well done on addressing the problem. I know it’s depressing better it’s better in the long run.

You’ve had some fab advice here. I just wanted to say that if you’re determined to resolve things you’re most certainly not fucked.

Get professional help, prioritise the debts to pay, and with your figures you will get there!

It takes a certain strength to tackle it head on and be open about it, even if it’s just on MN!

honestly can you have family or close friends take over the kids (on kinship fosters carer payments of course) & move into a house share/your car using a gym membership for showering ect.) that would lower your rent payments while you pay of the debt in 12 months atheist

as for the debt - have the payments consolidated onto a smaller repayment through financial advisor or worst case scenario if your already priced out of saving a deposit just file for bankruptcy...

honestly your definetly not as bad off as you think. just overwhelmed! good luck

You can definitely do this.

I like your idea of a no spend month, I think that it will help you see what is possible, and it’s a really great feeling when you can overpay on something.

Longer term id recommend that you don’t cut your food budget too hard - £100 a week for 5 of you is pretty reasonable- and that if you use the entertainment stuff a lot that you keep one of the packages. It’ll make life easier if you have food to eat and something to watch at home so that you’re less tempted with takeaway etc.

Youve said that you spend a lot and have quite a lot of stuff in the house so having a good clear out and selling some stuff seems really sensible too. Again, if you can pay some of the money off your debt you’ll feel amazing.

In your position I wouldn’t worry too much about the interest rates to start with as you’ve agreed minimum payments with lots. I would just start with the council tax, overpay as much money as possible - so literally you make £20 on Vinted, you pay an extra £20 off debt - until it’s gone. Then worry about working out interest rates to decide which is next.

Once the council tax debt is gone then you can allocate all of the money that you were spending on that onto the next thing so the next one will go quicker.